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Posts by suzidee

User's Posts | User's Topics

Forum Topic Date Replies
Health & Support Strange feeling of letting go... Mar 06 2015
08:59 (UTC)
You sound great lilcarty!! Don't think about everything all at once. Yes you have a whole life to figure out and build up now that you're not just existing, but you don't have to do it all at once. What I'm trying to say is don't panic. You've got a lifetime to figure it out and life will happen to you, not the other way round. Grief is normal, take care of yourself until it passes, which it will. I still miss being ill, but it's only in the background, in quiet moments. The rest of the time I'm too busy living the complicated, messy, in your-face-thing that is life, beyond the absolute locked down controlled hibernation of anorexia.
Health & Support First ever post. In need of some input please. Jan 19 2014
18:40 (UTC)

Hi Colin,

You are clearly well clued up and write succinctly about your experiences.

I'm glad you've also found CBT helpful ... a good sign as I think that half the battle is having a good relationship with your therapist and the other half is the amount of work you put in yourself.

It is hard to persevere when a doctor doesn't guess the significant half of the story. Perhaps in preparation for your appointment have a rehearsed sentence with which you wish to start the conversation and say this right at the start of the appointment. Alternatively you could write down a short note then if you find talking about it too hard, give your note to the doctor. Remember the doctor has 7 minutes in which to conduct the appointment so get to the crux of the problem early. If you run out of time, book another appointment to continue the discussion.

A good outcome would be to have an initial medical check up including blood tests to check for acute health problems (though an all clear from this does not been you are not in immediate danger), to arrange regular health screening and to get on a waiting list for eating disorder specific treatment. I have moved house far too often to be able to take advantage of ED services (other than for assessment) so I can't comment but I have read there are good services on offer through the NHS depending on where you live.

I wish you all the best of luck in your appointment.

In terms of first steps in challenging your restrictive eating, first thing would be to establish a regular eating pattern, as posted by EmmaKiwi above. Don't wait until you're hungry to eat.

Otherwise, welcome to the forum. I haven't posted on here in a while but have found this community incredibly knowledgeable and supportive in the past.


Health & Support First ever post. In need of some input please. Jan 19 2014
16:13 (UTC)

Hi Colin,

I'm sorry to hear that you suffer long term pain.

Thanks for your honesty here, it's not easy to post these sorts of things. If this gets too personal and you prefer to pm me, please feel free.

So there is a definite psychological aspect to your restrictive eating. You said that you have suffered with long term anorexic tendencies, I guess that this pre-dates the pain medication?

General practitioners ... yeah I've had a really mixed response in the past from GPs when I have tried to discuss my eating disorder concerns! I've moved house a lot in the past few years so have sampled a fair few doctors and had responses ranging from total apathy to serious concern!

It's really hard to approach a doctor who does not seem to be clued up on eating disorders. However if you persevere you should be able to access some help.

I've recently completed a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and I am an absolute advocate. I have suffered with an eating disorder on and off for twenty years (I'm 32) and have been described by a GP as having an intractable disorder. However, honestly the CBT has made a difference for me.

Over the course of 5 months I started to understand the mechanism behind my thinking and behaviour patterns and made tiny changes every single week. It was gradual enough to assuage my fears and I went from initially viewing the course as an experiment to genuinely wanting to maintain the changes and feeling much happier within myself.

CBT is supposed to be one of the best therapies for addiction and eating disorders. I know you can't stop taking the pain meds but you might be able to gain some objectivity and it would be really important to continually assess whether your dosage is correct in terms of physical dependence.

Your intake is dangerously low and you will be doing yourself serious harm. At your low weight your thoughts will also be more disordered. Low weight can cause depression, anxiety, catastrophic thinking and paranoia. It is very hard to gain objectivity in your current position.

Sorry for the super long post! Hope some of it is of some use.


Health & Support First ever post. In need of some input please. Jan 19 2014
10:51 (UTC)

"I don't think you are quite full-blown anorexic, considering you can eat to appear normal - so before it gets any more serious I think you should kick it in the butt. "

I'm sorry I do not agree with this statement. The fact that th OP changes his eating habits around others shows that he knows his eating is disordered and that he is hiding something. Anorexia just isn't straight forward and in terms of behaviours presents uniquely for every individual.

Of course we cannot diagnose the OP on the internet but in terms of the medical diagnosis of AN, the OP probably conforms.

OP: it sounds to me like you have two issues: addiction and possibly an eating disorder. Do you have a medical professional that you know well and trust? I think you need medical help.

Are you not eating simply due to lack of appetite, or are you afraid to put weight on? (No need to answer if you don't want, just something to consider.)
Health & Support Anorexia interfering with relationship Aug 21 2013
22:52 (UTC)
Hi Gemz! I remember you :)

I haven't got time to post anything properly now but wanted to say hi.

I think it is really hard for the partner of soneone who has anorexia/OCD or any similar disorder, particularly if they havem't experienced it for themselves.

I really like JustAmy's suggestions, try and make a plan with him. Challenge yourself within achieveable limits to prove that you care enough to make the effort, as difficult as it is. But he must reciprocate by underatanding what a big step that is for you.

Really hope you can get through this rough patch as a couple.

Health & Support After Anorexia: Don't leave it too late ...... Aug 16 2013
21:04 (UTC)
Sorry for confusion! I was replying to your original postt SS. We posted to each other a while back and it is good to read such a positive post :) xx
Health & Support After Anorexia: Don't leave it too late ...... Aug 16 2013
12:37 (UTC)

Glad to hear that you are well.

Congratulations on your recovery efforts, I really hope that you are in a good place now and continue to be well.


Health & Support Title The older ED person Mar 01 2013
07:51 (UTC)
Original Post by lady_irish:

I hope I did not offend anyone with my use of the word older. I work in the field of addiction with youth so I am ancient to them.

I was just looking for advice from those who have had long term connection to an ED.

A piece of advice that I use in addiction: but have found helpful when I was in my binging and purging phase.

HALT - triggers Dont let yourself get hungry, anger, lonely and tired.

No offence taken :)

Addiction / ED doesn't differentiate age, these issues affect anyone, any age. Though I do think that young adults and 'older' adults deal with them differently. Mostly because those of us in our thirties and beyond have had ED for 15+ years.

I think your advice is excellent.

I have had ED on and off since I was about 12 (31 now). I'm not sure whether I can offer much advice as I still suffer with a lot of ambivalence.

I don't know how the Canadian health system works. I know that having an understanding doctor who I saw regularly last year helped me a lot. Do you have a regular doctor who you feel you could confide in?

Otherwise Cognitive Behavioural Therapy self-help books can be helpful for some.

Suzi xx

Health & Support Title The older ED person Feb 28 2013
22:02 (UTC)

Hi there,

there are plenty of people on here who are in their thirties and forties (myself included), however I certainly wouldn't refer to us as the 'olderwomen' !! I don't think we're that old :)

For many people ED is a lifelong battle with many ups and downs, but there are great examples on here of people recovering at any age


Health & Support Body Dysmorphia is ruining my life and recovery. Feb 28 2013
21:51 (UTC)

Hi Miss Blondie,

I haven't been on this forum for a bit, but do lurk often to see how people are getting on and it's nice to see some familiar names on this thread.

I have a long history of intermittant anorexia/EDNOS. The body dysmorphia has never left me (many years of ballet training and a family full of ED has pretty much ensured this), however I would say that it is something which bothers me much much less when I am weight restored. I've never been happy with my figure, but I have always been the most unhappy and obsessive when I have been low weight and anorexic.

My eldest sister and I look very similar and she is anorexic, I have always been referred to as the 'round' one or the 'chubby version of her, as a family joke and regardless of my bmi. Right now she is very ill and I am weight restored. I do compare myself to her a lot but being weight restored, it is a behaviour I can objectively identify and it doesn't affect me deeply.

If you recover, no - I don't think you will be cured of body dysmorphia, but I really do think that you will have a healthier view of your body and you won't be as affected by the disordered thoughts.

Love Suzi xx

Health & Support An lower level of the old hag syndrome? Aug 01 2012
12:06 (UTC)

Hi there,

It sounds like it could be a sleep disorder called sleep paralysis. Google it. It's not a very well understood disorder but it seems that a person becomes conscious during Rapid Eye Movement sleep.

In this sleep phase the body is paralysed (including all the secondary breathing muscles), when a person becomes conscious during this sleep phase they experience total paralysis and the feeling of suffocating. You can't suffocate, your body does not need as much oxygen whilst paralysed as when you are awake and moving about, however the feeling of paralysis and suffocation is indeed terrifying.

In addition due to being in a dream state a person is capable of hallucinations which involve all sensory perception (visual, auditory, touch, etc.)

I have suffered with sleep paralysis for years and have experienced some extremely vivid and terrifying hallucinations.

To avoid sleep paralysis, do not sleep lying on your back. For some reson this is the position that most sufferers experience sleep paralysis in. Try and get in the habit of spending the whole night sleeping on your front or side. I usually sleep with one or both knees bent to try and stop myself from rolling onto my back whilst asleep.

Also follow a healthy sleep routine. Sleep the same hours each night and try to get a decent amount of sleep (7 hours+ per night). Sleep disturbance and sleeping at odd times of the day exacerbates sleep disorders.

The tips for trying to come out of a sleep paralysis phase are the following:

Try to move you fingers and/or your tongue. This can cause paralysis to begin to recede (though it has never worked for me).

Move your eyes back and forth rapidly, this can cause you to fall back into normal REM sleep.

If you have a bed fellow and they see that your eyes are open, if they speak to you or touch you very gently, this will definately wake you up.

If you are the adventurous type you may want to research lucid dreaming. With a bit of practice and skill an episode of sleep paralysis can be turned into a lucid dream in which you have control. This will sound very weird but this is how I achieve it. Close your eyes and get out of bed (with your eyes closed you don't feel like you are paralysed). Open your eyes and check whether you are still stuck in bed or whether you are stood up (hence now in a lucid dream). It usually takes me a few attempts to achieve this state. Once I can look around at myself still in bed I'm in a lucid dream, I'm in control of the hallucination and I can do anything that I like. This state usually resolves back into normal dreaming.

If you are stuck in sleep paralysis, just try to remain calm. Episodes of sleep paralysis typically last for 1-2 minutes. Though mine are a bit out of the ordinary, they can last up to 15 minutes.

Finally, immediately following an episode I would strongly recommend getting out of bed and getting a drink or splashing your face with water. If you fall straight back to sleep it will probably keep occuring through the night.

Phew. Sorry for the essay. I know how frightening sleep paralysis can be so wanted to give you a run down.

Finally, if the episodes are very frequent and really causing you issues then your medical care provider can put you on medication (tranquilisers I think) but this is a drastic measure and I rather think that your doctor would want to send you to a specialist first to conduct sleep studies.

Health & Support I have achieved nothing from my recovery! :(( Jul 27 2012
08:37 (UTC)

Hi sweetie,

I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling. If your metabolism is still suppressed then the only thing for it is to be brave and raise your calories to at least 2,500 per day. You may initially gain weight but once your metabolism has revved up you will find your maintainance amount and weight loss amounts to be much much more reasonable. So some discomfort in the short term will help you out immensely in the long term.

Please don't start restricting again. You will prolong your misery, though I know that that's not inuitive.

As for your mindset, it doesn't sound at all recovered to me. Have you ever had / do you have a therapist. It sounds like it is time to tackle the mental/emotioal aspects of your eating disorder.

Love Suzi xx

Health & Support Is fast food good for recovery? What foods are ok to eat in recovery? Jul 27 2012
08:30 (UTC)

Hi there,

I'm glad to hear that you are embracing recovery.

You might actually find yourself craving fast food and sweets/crisps (candy/chips if you're in the US) during recovery even if you weren't a fan before ED. This is what I have found. I've never been a fan of sweet/rich foods in the past, more a savoury fan but during throughout recovery I have had strong cravings for chocolate and icecream. I think it's the body's way of trying to take in essential fats and high calories that it has missed out on during starvation.

Anything in moderation is fine. If these are the foods that you enjoy, then have some. Do be aware that some fast foods are addictive, so perhaps avoid having them every day. They are a good way of getting high calories intakes needed for recovery and if you do enjoy them then also a good way of learning how to treat yourself and a good challenge for developing a healthy relationship with food and feeding yourself.

There are other calorie dense foods that you should also eat during recovery as they are very good for you and contain the essential vitamins and minerals that you need including peanut butter, avocado, sweet potato, nuts, fruit juice, dried fruit, banana, full fat yoghurt, milk, coconut milk, granola mixes / muesli. You can also drink protein shakes / ensure. Cook foods in plenty of olive oil. Don't eat low fat anything and don't eat foods that are low in calorie and high in bulk as you'll be making the job of getting the calories in hard on yourself.

Good luck!

Love Suzi xx

Health & Support Weight Loss needed, Asthma holding me back Jul 26 2012
13:16 (UTC)

Hi I have asthma and I did the couch to 5k programme this year. I find that my asthma improves dramatically when I run regularly. Though I still can't run when it is cold, I think my cut off is about 4degC (4deg warmer than the freezing temp of water in case you use Fahrenheit), as the cold air triggers my asthma.

I would recommend the couch to 5k programme. It is progressive and I found the first couple of weeks really manageable for a beginner. I am suprised at how effective it has been for me. I never thought I would be able to run 5k continuously, before I started the programme I couldn't run for longer than a minute. Now I do 5k in just over 25 mins with no stops.

I would also strongly recommend that you use a rescue inhaler BEFORE you start exercising, until your asthma improves. There aren't many things less enjoyable than trying to run whilst drowning and the chest pain that asthma can cause whilst exercising is really unfun.

Have you also considered using a regular medication to bring you asthma back under control? I used Seretide (fluticasone and salmeterol) for years and found it really helped. My asthma was so well controlled that I only suffered when I had a cold/chest infection.

This year my asthma has improved so much that I am no longer using regular medication. I don't know whether that is due to the running or just the changeable nature of asthma.

Good luck with the health kick. I hope it works out well for you :)

Health & Support DEXA scan question... Jul 26 2012
13:03 (UTC)

This is awesome news! You must be so relieved :)

Yes I think these are good scores, certainly nothing to cause concern.

I'm really pleased for you.

Love Suzi xx

Health & Support TW- Gaining ridiculous amounts of weight, and it's getting in the way of recovery. How does anyone deal with it? Help Jul 23 2012
16:51 (UTC)
Original Post by machgogogo:

Last November I was 115-119lb, and maintained this up until June this year when I shot up to 120-123. Nothing in the universe seems to make me go under 120.

HOLY COW MISSUS, 120 lbs is a bmi of 16.7. This is well in the anorexic weight range. These thoughts are very disordered.

Whether I eat 950 calories or 1500, my weight will SHOOT up. I am looking at 125-127lb almost immediately, and it will stick around, until I starve myself again. It's extremely stressful. My measurements stay the same, but I feel slower, heavier, bigger...and ashamed.

At these weights you are still painfully, dangerously thin.

Ashamed for gaining so much weight on what is apparently a loss amount for my height-- I spend 7 hrs on my feet at work per day, then walk everywhere on top of it, since I don't own a car. 

I suppose I'm just saying I need support. The guilt is palpable; I feel like such a bad person for gaining so so much weight so quickly.

1) This is not alot of weight at all, you are talking about around 5-8 lbs from your low weight. I know that this is a difficult amount to deal with seeing on the scales, but the reality is that it is not very much at all.

2) This weight is most likely all glycogen/water weight.


I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. Well done for upping your intake, but you should keep going.

These thoughts are all anorexic thoughts, all or nothing, black and white thinking and catastrophising.

I know where you're coming from and I know how powerful this mindset can be. I only mean to try and give you a reality check.

And I agree 100% with everything Mrs Wilson's Cat said.

Love Suzi xx

Health & Support Osteoporosis..... Jul 23 2012
11:08 (UTC)

Thanks for all this info. I have been reading this thread as it is very interesting.

I have osteopenia and am currently taking Calcium/Vit D supplements only. I have also increased the amount of calcium in my diet and amount of food in general as I am recovering from an ED. I'm hoping that my next scan shows that this is enough to halt the deterioration.

I am 30 years old by the way.

I did have one thing to add. I had an unpleasant side-effect from taking 1500mg/400IU calcium carbonate and vitamin D3 supplements. I'm waiting to see my doctor about continuing treatment or not. I experienced moderate joint pain in my hands and feet, quite bad on getting up in the morning (enough to make me limp and not be able to squeeze shower gel out of the bottle) and lessened through the day. I initially thought that it was early-onset arthritis due to anorexia but when I stopped taking the calcium tablets it almost completely disappeared over a few days.

I read that calcium levels in the blood are very sensitive to small changes and it is possible to have too much calcium in the blood using supplements which can lead to calcium deposits building up in the joints causing pain and inflammation. I don't know if this is what happened to me. I will update when I have seen my doctor.

I've reverted to taking Vitamin D supplements only in the meantime.

Health & Support DEXA scan question... Jul 21 2012
13:08 (UTC)

I'm sorry that you have to wait two weeks. After plucking up the courage to have the scan, that must be really hard. I'll be thinking of you.

No, that was just the bmi that the technician measured for my scan. I'm not weighing myself at all, only being wighed when I see my doctor. I'm also considering asking her to blind weigh me. Knowing my weight is just too much of a trigger. I think I am now somewhere in the healthy weight range.

I only mentioned my bmi as I am having treatment for osteopenia though it isn't very low. I don't think current weight is considered for treatment. I think it is the risk factor for osteoporosis and that is measured from the questionairre I guess that you filled in. That is concerned with history of eating disorder, history of amenhorrea (sorry, can't spell that one), low vitamin D / calcium levels, personal and family history of fractures/breaks and family history of osteoporosis. All of which I had to tick 'yes' for.

Yes, I now have regular checks to monitor it but I'm not sure how often.

Good luck, I really hope your results are okay.

Love Suzi xx

Health & Support DEXA scan question... Jul 19 2012
19:14 (UTC)

Hi Mrs Wilson's Cat,

I hope the scan went alright for you. Congratulations for working up the courage to do this.

I haven't been around for a while, but read this post and had to add my support albeit rather belated.

I had the same problem. The technician sent me away with my results (osteopenia in spine and hips) without any medical briefing or advice and I had to wait to see my doctor. That was rather upsetting. However at a bmi of about 18.3 I am on treatment for osteopenia (calciuma and vitamin D). Otherwise I am running and walking. If my results don't improve I am considering joining a gym and getting a trainer who can show me what weight training I can do.

Good luck xx

Health & Support Cancel Jul 19 2012
19:06 (UTC)

Hi Deli!!

This is great news. Good for you :)

Do you have help? A therapist and doctor? I think that recovery is a very difficult thing to achieve on your own and the more help you have the better. Plus you will have days that you need to be answerable to someone as like any addiction, recovery from Anorexia Nervosa is a very ambivalent experience!

I tried the gradually upping calories method and found it too easy to cheat with and ended up in a very half-hearted attempt at recovery from which I relapsed. But I have also tried the all in method and relapsed big time. So I don't know which to advise you with.

I would agree that getting the weight gain over and done with is a good idea. I've found that with not weighing myself and being weighed every now and then by my doctor/nutririonist I don't see the weight going on and once it's on it's on because I can't lose it without relapse.

So, I'll stop drivelling! .... My advise is DON'T WEIGH YOURSELF!!!!!, get the support of a therapist and doctor, open up to people close to you and vent on here any time you need to. Be courageous and keep at it until you are healthy, don't let yourslef slip backwards.

Love Suzi xx