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Posts by janelovesjam

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Forum Topic Date Replies
Fitness Yoga AND Pilates Mar 21 2012
02:21 (UTC)
Original Post by melkor:

it's corrective therapy and if you train to correct issues you don't actually have you'll gain muscle imbalances and other issues.

Would this be the case in an ordinary, well-structured Pilates class, that addresses most body 'parts', with equal emphasis on opposite motions?

Also, to what degree might Pilates mitigate muscle loss in an 'advanced' beginner 'exerciser' (eg a calisthenics/comparatively lightish weights/metabolic 'circuit' trained person, who may or may not have Broadway aspirations)?

Finally, what say you to aerial silk training? (that is a serious question!) 

The Lounge Opera Laws Mar 21 2012
02:07 (UTC)

It's way more dressed down than you'd think. +1 restaurant wear.

eta: and check if there's an intermission; if not, pass on the pre-show glass of wine.

The Lounge advice on life changes. Warning long and embarrassing Mar 20 2012
15:44 (UTC)

and, i think most people are generally drawn to (& are most comfortable with) people sort of 'at their level' of attractiveness anyway. unless they don't know or accept themselves at all, and are hypnotized by wrong-headed ideals.

The Lounge advice on life changes. Warning long and embarrassing Mar 20 2012
15:40 (UTC)

trying to resist further diverting this thread, but compelled to respond... i was apologizing for my behaviour (and i have no desire to be a moderator). what got me is that someone was trying to reach out for help. it probably took quite a lot for him to write here. he got a fist full of 'you're this', 'you can't do that', and then a profoundly misogynistic worldview that not only doesn't help but could even be damaging. (and of course, the insults to women here and everywhere.)

i'm not saying that 'realism' is a bad thing, but in no way does the OP show any sign of needing to hear that - rather, it seems to me that he may be too much the other way.

i do actually know men who play or have played 'the game', rate women numerically, etc. (am unfortunately related to a couple of them, and know their friends.) men who do this seriously (& aren't just indulging in nostalgic locker room talk), even ones who are successful at it, are the unhappiest men i know. in objectifying women, in choosing only '8s, 9s, 10s', in perpetually 'hunting', they deny themselves the possibility of intimacy and just being with another person, in relaxed mutual acceptance. instead of being open to someone who gets them - and who they want to understand - they chase one 'hottie' after another, because it's just down to bodies, which bore after a while, no matter how beautiful. it's a horrible way to live, imo. someone who's already had a bad time of things so far would not serve himself by trying it.

The Lounge advice on life changes. Warning long and embarrassing Mar 20 2012
04:14 (UTC)

Yes, very sorry... Bit embarrassed now... Write back if you want to (and are not put off, though I wouldn't blame you if you were).

Fitness anyone know how to tape an ankle for swimming? Mar 20 2012
04:10 (UTC)

Thanks so much, coach_k!!! Makes total sense. Can't wait to start doing something again, even if it is just a wonkier version of my already wonky stroke (in the slow lane) :)

The Lounge advice on life changes. Warning long and embarrassing Mar 19 2012
23:05 (UTC)

Would like to gently suggest that ccat shut the **** up with his emotionally retarded ramblings - to which I cannot imagine more can be added - and leave this thread for the OP, or other responses to [the OP].

Motivation Body image issues after weight loss Mar 19 2012
21:01 (UTC)

I've read that you won't see the full skin adaptation until about a year after you reach (& maintain) goal weight*. Have also read that vitamin C supplements may help with collagen/elasticity. If you smoke, quitting will help too. 


The Lounge advice on life changes. Warning long and embarrassing Mar 19 2012
20:37 (UTC)

jesper, i'm sure you have the wherewithal to ignore the terrible advice* in the previous post, which would only lead to desperation and self- and other-alienation.

forget hunting, forget 'strategy' (other than online dating). we can smell it, and it's a massive turnoff. just put yourself in more favourable environments, and talk to all sorts of people (the proper category for women, as you know).

*and judgement, what caloricat said about you is idiotic. ignore that most of all.

The Lounge Today it's about MEEEEEEE!!! Mar 19 2012
16:16 (UTC)

Awesome!!! :)

The Lounge advice on life changes. Warning long and embarrassing Mar 19 2012
16:04 (UTC)

I'm going to sidestep your actual question for a bit... 

So - you arrived in Norway with optimism, and found yourself beaten down by a homogenous, small-town culture. But - you fought to improve your situation, and won. You know enough of your worth to hope for better, and are sound and hearty enough to have planned to achieve it - you have everything you need :) 

It's understandable that you might feel wary about your new life in Oslo, given your previous experience, but it's heartening to hear that you're doing constructive things :) All the things you're doing are wonderful - congratulations on your weight loss! Building a nest shows stability & foresight - great to be able to invite new friends and acquaintances (and women) to a place you're proud of; taking care of your physical appearance is worthwhile in itself... it will for sure help your self esteem in lots of little ways, and so help others recognize you a bit better. 

I think it's wonderful that the prospect of dating has motivated you in this way. I hope things go well with this woman :) But would suggest working at broadening your social group as well. 

(It is of course work... it can be hard for a 30-something transplant in any city to create a group of friends; in their 30s, even mobile, educated people are starting to settle into marriages. I can see this being even more challenging where the culture is more closed than not. And often, even people who'd otherwise make great friends are simply already caught up in commitments, and wind up staying acquaintances. Important to adjust expectations, a bit...) 

Nevertheless, what I'd suggest is:

1) maybe joining some kind of not-super-competitive co-ed recreational athletic group or club. A running club, a football or dragonboat racing team, anything... here you have a structured environment, with fun sort of built in. More often than not people will want to finish with a drink at a pub... people who do this kind of thing are usually also open to meeting other people. Or going to pub quiz nights (do such things exist in Oslo?) 

2) reaching out to other internationals in your company, who are likely in a similar situation.

3) Oslo's big on music, no? Maybe check out some local bands and festivals with your workout buddy... I find music people are often a bit more open to meeting new people.

Best of luck :)

The Lounge Changing attitudes and behaviors Mar 18 2012
19:44 (UTC)

Cajunrider's succinct advice is right on. 

Examining and reframing your style of explaining events is hugely helpful in converting future-oriented panic or a feeling of being overwhelmed by a long, muddled memory of 'failure' into discrete problems to solve, or events to accept, with a fuller awareness of context, and some measure of kindness towards yourself. (I make myself do this when I have to, as I can be prone to some pretty self-indulgent navel-gazing.)

I can't say enough about changing situations, when necessary. Very easy to get locked into negative feedback loops in the wrong environments, or around the wrong people; surprisingly easy to get inspired by being around constructive, optimistic people, and to feel heartened by taking on reasonable challenges. The trick of it is to encounter new situations with some reserve of strength, and hope for success. Scaling goals so that they're realistic and achievable is key.

Also recommend looking at Martin Seligman's Positive Psychology resources. There's a little self assessment quiz in there that can help you identify your strengths, if you've forgotten them. Do things that use them.

Lastly, include a bit of hedonism in your life - make your environment pretty; engage in activities that make you feel good; feed your curiosity. Pursue flow

(have linked to wikipedia bc it offers brief summaries... not sure if you'd prefer more self-helpy types of books or peer-reviewed articles...)

Fitness Forward Head Corrections Mar 18 2012
16:51 (UTC)


The Lounge In a crowed room...or even crowded! Mar 17 2012
04:26 (UTC)

curious about how it is that people discover they want to drink urine.

The Lounge Strippers! Mar 16 2012
21:12 (UTC)

when i was 20, hired, with other friends, a male stripper for a friend's birthday.

too oily, too serious, too close.

eta - yes to burlesque/circus/scarf/pole performer, either gender - that's just neat to watch

The Lounge I'm sorry, what year is it again? Mar 16 2012
21:09 (UTC)

gymnastics, again

The Lounge Has the internet made us dumb b******? Mar 16 2012
18:27 (UTC)

+1 purespark/nicholas carr.

since neuroplasticity appears to hold, cultural/historical forms of communication affect our cognition, fo shizzle. (will back it up w evidence when i return, if i can remember.) 

The Lounge blueberry margaritas and regret Mar 16 2012
18:23 (UTC)

aw cheers... i'd thought/hoped the ptsd had wiped it from memory altogether, but that'd be good too :)

The Lounge I'm sorry, what year is it again? Mar 16 2012
16:55 (UTC)
Original Post by crazineko:

Original Post by janelovesjam:

Denial about what? I thought Roe v Wade had been discussed already. Insemination is a necessary but insufficient condition for life. The condition of sufficiency involves biological processes that effectively treat a woman's body like an incubator.

That they have a fetus in them.  A child.  Their own child. 

Holy ****, this is what you tell women????


eta - jumping back out of the thread, my heart can't take it

The Lounge I'm sorry, what year is it again? Mar 16 2012
16:47 (UTC)
Original Post by kathygator:

Original Post by janelovesjam:

@kathy - I think what you're missing is the feeling of metaphysical and ethical certainty that justifies these inconsistencies, and makes people do all kinds of gymnastics to get around them.

I appreciate ethical certainty, I honestly do. It's the right of every human to hold their own beliefs sacred if they harm none.  


I misspoke. The separation of church and state is indeed a matter of ethics.