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Posts by cupcake45

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Forum Topic Date Replies
Health & Support Need help - someone please explain this me. I'm desperate. Apr 02 2012
23:40 (UTC)

Well, I have very limited knowledge so I can't say for sure what the problem is. I literally know nothing about PCOS so if what you describe are characteristic of it then I suppose that could be your problem.

However, based on everything else you said, I think your metabolism is still suppressed and is hoarding what it gets in fear of restriction. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but try eating more and/or exercising less. You've seen that eating less doesn't work, and it might give your body the assurance that you will take care of it. I know when I stopped working out (still anorexic at the time - just forbidden to workout by my parents) I actually lost about about 6 pounds which seems opposite of what you would think (and no, I did not start eating less at that time - it was purely cutting out the activity). So yeah, if you were willing to restrict for a few weeks, at least try eating a good deal more and see what happens.

I hope you start to feel better about yourself soon, regardless of your weight.

Health & Support went out to a restaurant. calorie guesstimate? Apr 02 2012
02:38 (UTC)

Oh dear. You're worried about 4 grains of rice? That sounds unhealthy - not the food but your fear over it. Sure, a restaurant might add butter to a dish, but it's not like their can be 1/4 cup of butter on only 4 grains of rice. It just doesn't work that way. The way they pack in thousands of calories is in stuff like pasta dishes with cream sauces and 1/2 pound burgers with fries - NOT dressing-less salads and 4 grains of rice or a single solitary bite of chicken. But anyway, here it goes...

Chicken: 25 calories (maybe) - if there was no skin and no breading and it wasn't dripping with grease, it truly can't be that much.

Rice: 2 calories - I honestly don't even know how to calculate that. I mean, a whole teaspoon would only have about 4 calories so 4 grains, sheesh, that's nothing!

Salad: 20 calories

Total: <50 calories

I hope when you said you were exaggerating that you meant people would think you were exaggerating how very, scarily little you ate. You definitely need to eat that graham apple pie - maybe several servings because with how you are nervous about that pretty much nonexistent meal is scary. Honestly, I don't know anything about you, but your fear over eating so very, very little screams eating disorder to me. Please, take care of yourself, and don't worry about restaurants!!! They aren't magicians/mad scientist so if it seems like a light dish (salad w/o dressing, chicken w/o breading and skin), then it probably is.

Health & Support I'm not in control anymore and I'm scared Apr 02 2012
00:01 (UTC)

I really can't pinpoint your problem or anything, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't completely alone. I have suffered from an ED but as of May of last year have been doing so much better. However, I found that if I have certain foods in the house, I'll just keep eating until they're all gone (like a whole large cereal box of granola in 2 days sort of thing - not good).

So, to prevent this I stopped buying those foods. I know I'm still trying to gain weight so it shouldn't have been a problem, but like you, I hated being so out of control with it. I guess I should have tried self-control but I just failed repeatedly and took the easy way out. :/ Now I just by a daily snack from the vending machine. I know it's more expensive that way, but honestly, if I bought a pack at the store for less cost/unit food and ate it all in 2 days, I'd still be spending more than taking the vending route. (not that you said money was a concern - I just used to think vending machines were stupid and over priced and now I've changed my mind a bit with that logic)

I guess what I'm getting at is that I understand where you are coming from. I do think that some of it may be the foods in particular which you are eating (although you seem to be eating healthier than what I was gorging on). For me, I found I lose control less if the foods are homemade versus store bought but you said you eat cheese and whatnot so I don't know.

Also, you claim to not be under eating but 1500-1600 with exercise might be a little low for you. That could possibly be contributing to your nights of extra eating. If you google "Total Energy Expenditure" you can look at that calculator. I'm not too good at it as I've never been able to figure out how much time I spend standing, etc. a day, but it might help you to see if you truly are eating an adequate amount.

Young Calorie Counters eating habits..... Apr 01 2012
03:00 (UTC)

Um, considering your a teen and running track, I think 1800 would be far too little for you. When I ran cross country and ate ~1800/day I was pretty much eating an anorexic amount (I know subclinical starvation is <1200 but considering how much I needed and what my weight dropped to, it was definitely starvation). So honesty, you are most likely severely under eating.

Also, no, I do not think it is normal to throw up in your mouth. And it really shouldn't be hard to get in sufficient calories. Just make sure to eat higher calorie foods - nut butters, extra meat/cheese on sandwiches, dried fruit and nuts, etc. You can do, I just believe you don't want to/ are afraid to. I could be completely mistaken, but considering you are throwing up in your mouth (if intentional - if  not, I would see a doctor) and under eating, that seems somewhat eating disordered to me (maybe not bulimia - but something). Please, do take care of yourself.

Health & Support My recovery is starting Monday - please support me! Mar 30 2012
00:00 (UTC)

I'm so glad to hear you're keeping at it! And it sounds like you have the right idea, and the light will come back on with time. It will! You are doing so great!

Young Calorie Counters borderline anorexia? Mar 29 2012
00:10 (UTC)
Original Post by HaulTheHollister:

Moderated post removed

HaulTheHollister: If you truly want to be 84 lbs, even when you know that would be unhealthy, I dare say that you are not "borderline" as you claim but may have an eating disorder, although you may not realize it. Your thoughts seem to be skewed as though you may have one (I'm no doctor/psychologist, but that was the impression I got). I'm not saying that you restrict to the point of being diagnosed as anorexic (though you may) but something is not right with your desire to be so thin.

Please, do seek help, even if you are just on the borderline. It's better to turn it around then rather than once you've already made your way down the painful path of anorexia. Also, I realized you just made your cc account this week. If you have done so in an effort to loose more weight, please, please don't do that. You don't need to lose more weight. You said yourself you're a 0!

Young Calorie Counters annoyed... Mar 28 2012
00:21 (UTC)

I wouldn't say I get annoyed, I'd say it breaks my heart. It hurts to see other girls (and guys too) heading down that destructive road. I am getting so close to completely overcoming the anorexia which I have battled with for 6+ years. It is not something that I want anyone else to ever have to go through - ever. I find it so discouraging to see how everyone has been given this false notion that you have to be thin to be beautiful. We weren't all made to be sticks(very few people are naturally that way)! So yes, it bothers me, but not in an annoyed way, just in a saddened way.

Health & Support frustrated and need help! Mar 27 2012
15:09 (UTC)

I know steroids (such as prednisone) often promote weight gain but I think that is partly due to water retention and even increased appetite. I'm not sure how steroid sprays relate to oral ones, but I would think the effects might be a bit different.

Anyway, 3 lbs would be nearly impossible to gain in 3 days unless you were eating excessively, and event then I'm not sure it would be feasible. I guess what I'm getting at is that the weight could likely be due to water retention as compared to fat/muscle gain. You might wait a bit before contacting your doctor just to see if your weight goes back to normal as some fluctuations are normal. If it is in fact the steroid causing a gain, assuming I'm not completely wrong about this, I think that when you stop the steroid, the water weight would go away with time. That being said, I don't know how long you will have to use your medicine or what alternatives there might be. You could at least as your doctor about it - or just ask if it is known to cause weight gain/ fluid retention. Regardless, I completely agree that starvation is not a route to take. :)

Health & Support My recovery is starting Monday - please support me! Mar 27 2012
15:02 (UTC)

Yay! I'm sorry you didn't get in your snack, but you made progress! That's huge! And hey, who cares how long it takes to eat breakfast? With time you can make progress with that too! You're doing it!  I hope you have a marvelous day!!!Laughing

Health & Support Need advice and a bit of a rant..sorry Mar 26 2012
15:32 (UTC)

First of all, I'm so glad you want to get better. That's great! I also understand being stuck around people who are very health conscious but I do believe that part of it is being overly sensitive to things during recovery. I remember right when I started eating more a friend of mine (who is very, very thin - but more or less naturally) was talking about how unhealthy of a breakfast she'd just had and how it was going to make her fat. I really wanted to scream at her at the time. (She, however, did not know about my recovery.) Anyway, as long as you are still eating healthy foods to get in nutrients, I see no problem with eating some less-healthy options. My dietitian gave me the thumbs up to eating frozen yogurt, granola, etc (things I was finding easy to get in calories, regardless of if there might have been healthier options). Also, apples = high sugar (so what?!) = high fiber = nutrients = do not worry about it! Oh, and my dietitian recommended drinking milk to add in calories so I think you should be okay with some milk too.

I take it that you are not in the US so I'm not so sure about how things work where you are. I do know that my dietitian told me she could have gotten me a medical excuse to take breaks while at work to have a snack. It appears you don't have much of an option to snack, and I don't know that it would be possible where you are to get an excuse, but if you think it might be helpful to get in your needed calories, you could look into it.

You seem to be incredibly active and if you can't back down on your activity level, you will need to eat a great deal. You could try looking at this total energy expenditure calculator to get an idea of how much you need to eat just to maintain your weight. You'll then need to eat even more than that. Some good ways to get in calories without having to eat a whole lot are: add oil to veggies (sauteed), full fat yogurt (greek is high in protein), make sandwiches with twice the meat/cheese/whatever filling you choose, add avocado to sandwiches, etc., eat nuts, dried fruits, nut butters, etc.

Edit: I think the calculator I posted is for adults, so you might need even more than it shows, but it should be okay as a starting point I would think.

Health & Support My recovery is starting Monday - please support me! Mar 26 2012
15:19 (UTC)

That's awesome! Keep it up! Laughing

I hope you have a marvelous, yummy food filled day!

Health & Support Why do we count calories? Mar 24 2012
23:03 (UTC)

I agree with pretty much everything that has been said above. My one thing to add is that, in addition to calorie counting being an issue for many (not those recovering from an eating disorder or who need to lose large amount of weight and need a guide), I think a larger issue is the obsession with the thin ideal.

I feel that a large part of the obsession with calorie counting is the fear of being overweight or the unhealthy desire to be stick thin. I really wish everyone could just accept their bodies as they are. I'm not endorsing obesity or anything; I do think we should all be mindful of our health. But honestly, if curvy is what's natural for your body, then be okay with that. Ah, I just hate that so many feel thin is the only pretty! It's so warped and so so wrong. Okay, I'll stop ranting now...

Health & Support My recovery is starting Monday - please support me! Mar 24 2012
18:39 (UTC)

This is such great news gemz! I am so glad to hear that you are about to turn this around for good. You can do it!

I agree 100% with ulalalaura. Ditch that scale. If there is anything that could be triggering, get rid of it. I also agree that you should increase slowly enough not to relapse, but at the same time, don't go so slow that you convince yourself your new intake is sufficient when it's still too low.

I don't know if you are one to take body measurements, but if you are, I would highly recommend stopping. Anything that can tell you if/ how much you have gained is usually a bad idea.

Good luck! You can do it! We'll be here to cheer you on! :D

Health & Support Could I be getting addicted to exercise? Mar 23 2012
15:54 (UTC)

I think it's really easy for people to go from one form of an eating disorder (such as anorexia nervosa) to another (such as anorexia athletica) so you do need to be very careful. I know exercise was a huge problem for me when I last relapsed. You have come so far and you certainly don't want to lose all your hard work.

I have two suggestions, but I'm not sure how good they are (sorry!). First, regardless of how much you workout, make sure you are eating to compensate for the exercise. If you stop doing that, you'll end up back where you left off. The second is probably a little harder, but I would recommend forcing yourself to take breaks from your exercise (such as the day you went shopping). I'm not saying to avoid all activity for a month, but do make yourself take breaks, even if it makes you uncomfortable. You need to fight the belief that one day off will be a huge problem - otherwise it truly will become an addiction just like self-starvation. At least that's my understanding. Also, be completely honest with your parents. I'm sure they have seen you through your recovery and the last thing they want is for you to struggle with something new. They might even have ideas that would help you since they know you better than I do.

Good luck!

Health & Support Please, help. Mar 23 2012
00:53 (UTC)

I'm so sorry you are struggling. The last thing you need to do though is to hate yourself. You are exactly who you were made to be! Think about it - just from your above posts I can tell that you aren't lazy. You obviously want to get better and aren't complacent and saying "this is just who I am." That's very respectable. :)

Also, while exercise would be very beneficial to you, if you feel you need to go the the gym every day, rest assured that days off are actually good for you! They allow your body time to repair from the work that you have been putting it through.

I know you said you have a tendency to restrict if you count calories so I sure wouldn't endorse counting for you. I would just like to remind you (I'm sure you already know this but...) you need to keep eating sufficient calories. If you start to restrict terribly, you'll only ruin your metabolism and that will just make weight loss harder.

I'm sorry I don't really have a lot of advice/help to offer. Just please remember that you are not a number on a scale or a clothing size. You are so much more than all of that!

Health & Support repost from other board...need support... Mar 22 2012
03:38 (UTC)


I'm afraid I can't give you a new brain and I don't think you want a new body - you are perfectly you and what could be better than that?!

As for the increase in calories, yes, your metabolism is likely a bit screwed up at the moment. That being said, the only way it can repair is of you increase your intake so that it has the opportunity to repair. Scary? Yes. Necessary? Yes. Worth it? Yes!!! I have read that increasing your calories to a seemingly high amount (such as 2500cal/day) is the best way to help your metabolism get back to where it should be. I'm no doctor, but since your body has repairs that it most definitely needs to do, 2500 would not be too much. And if 2500 is not too much, you should not fret over 1850.

Also, I don't know if you are currently weighing yourself, but if you are, I would advise you stop, at least for now. I thinking seeing weight changes can be very triggering, especially when your mind is still at an unhealthy place.

Good luck! Keep fighting, and you can do it! It does get better with time. Promise.

Health & Support Healthy Choices Mar 21 2012
23:38 (UTC)

It's all about moderation. Life is meant to be lived, and sometimes that means indulging in pizza, Wendy's and the like. Also, for those of us recovering from eating disorders, it's sometimes hard to get in the number of calories we need without some splurging here and there to get those calories in.

Also, by counting calories, at least if someone does eat something unhealthy, they are aware of just how much they ate so that they can know what else they can still eat without gaining too much weight, etc. Really, I don't think it's that huge of a deal if someone eats the occasional less healthy option. That's just my opinion though.

Health & Support Recovering from an ed and counting calories Mar 21 2012
15:26 (UTC)

I am still recovering (though I think I'm getting close to the point where I can say recovered... jyay!). Anyway, I still count, mainly for the reason you said of making sure I do eat enough (although sometimes its for the less noble making sure I don't eat too much :(  Gotta work on that).

However, lately I have been seriously considering quitting simply because I'm tired of it. I'm tired of seeing overly thin girls and feeling sorry for them, knowing how much society gives this idea that beauty = thin while I still count calories all the time and don't let myself just have the freedom to eat what and when I want (within moderation) because I too am still giving in to that false notion of beauty. In other words, I'm tired of caring and I just want to be healthy and free of all of this. So, to sum up, I still count, but I'm tired of it and want to stop. I just want to be normal, healthy, anorexia-free. :)

If you are just now beginning to eat more, it might be a good idea to count just long enough to determine how much you actually need to eat/ how much you have to eat to reach your calorie goals. Then, you might be able to stop counting and just go by what you feel you need to eat to reach your needed intake.

Health & Support Anorexic Recovering and I cannot find answers on the internet Mar 21 2012
12:15 (UTC)

Bloating is incredibly common as is the mixed up (or lack thereof) of hunger signals. I think it is considered atypical to not bloat (although I didn't experience that badly but my GI system is all strange so that might have something to do with it. Or maybe I'm just weird. haha). As you continue to eat, you'll start to know better when you are actually hungry, but for now I think just eating regularly is a good idea.

Also, 2000+ calories is nothing when recovering. The minimum recommended amount is 2500/day so don't worry about that. You may feel like you are eating tons, but you're actually just helping yourself.

Is there a reason you are sleeping so little? Are you unable to rest or are you very busy? Because I think getting more sleep would be very beneficial, if possible, in helping your body to repair itself.