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Posts by anemali

User's Posts | User's Topics

Forum Topic Date Replies
Health & Support What happens in IP? Jun 10 2011
12:21 (UTC)
There is nothing more important to me than my girls. They are the reason I'm able to get out of bed in the morning. They're my everything!
Health & Support why do you feel that you look bigger the more you lose? Jun 10 2011
11:51 (UTC)
Oh yes, I'm beginning to think the best thing would be to remove the mirrors in the house.

I too have those very, very brief moments where I catch a quick glimpse of my face and think how gaunt I look, how dark the circles are under my eyes. It's such a fleeting moment though and tends to lead to more negative thinking.

My 9 year old daughter said to me last week she didn't like what she saw in the mirror. We talked about God making us just the way we're meant to be and that He thinks we're beautiful. I marched her right up to her bedroom mirror and we stood together whilst she thanked Jesus for making her beautiful etc etc. I know I sound lime a total hypocrite now.
Health & Support What happens in IP? Jun 09 2011
11:52 (UTC)
Abbi - believe me, I'm more than aware of the implications this has on my daughters. I hate myself for showing my girls such a bad example. You're not the first to point this out and I'm doubtful you'll be the last.

Sorry, if my post comes across as angry because I'm not, I just cope better when I don't have to deal with all this.
Health & Support What happens in IP? Jun 09 2011
09:00 (UTC)

Hi dansmum

I can only speak for the UK, but theoretically a person can be sectioned in the UK, though it is rare - sadly, people often die from anorexia waiting for help here rather than being forced...

I'm not sure what the situation is for public health patients  - this is for patients with private health cover - to be honest I'm not even sure our private health would cover this anyway.

Can you tell us why you feel you are walking into a trap? What/who would be trapping you? If professionals DID take the drastic step of sectioning you without your husband's consent, it would be because they think you will die if they don't. Being dead is the final trap ED has for you... how bad can IP be if that's the alternative? Be strong! You can beat this thing!

I feel like I'm a merry-go-round and I can't get off. I feel like they're trying to take control away from me. I never wanted to go to the GP and only went at the insistence of a friend who was concerned. Since then (approx 9 mths) it's been a case of weekly, then fortnightly appointments, regular blood tests, threats of admitting me (openly admitted she's unable to as bloods are just within normal range).

I don't feel like I'm going to die, I know my body isn't at that point (and that doesn't mean I want it to be either).

I guess I feel like it's a trap because there would be 2 professionals involved.  Am I right in thinking this or is this ED warped thinking?

Health & Support What happens in IP? Jun 08 2011
04:45 (UTC)

Hi and thanks for your replies.

I'm in WA and the unit is at Hollywood Private Hospital Eating Disorders Unit.


I do have another question...


If I refuse to go IP and if I see the psych can the psych and GP section me without my consent or the consent of my husband... I guess I'm asking if I'm walking into a trap? Cos that's what it feels like.



Health & Support Could someone please have a look at this for me? Jun 04 2011
14:40 (UTC)
My daughter is a ballerina. She is 15 and although very lean, she is healthy. She would eat far more than that on a normal day of eg. a 2 or 3 hour class, especially more carbs. Nuts are a favorite healthy snack for her. She will have a snack after school, dinner around 5 or 6, go to class and often have a second dinner after class.

On a full day of dancing I know it's difficult as you can't eat huge amounts during the day and be able to dance on a full stomach. She would have a good, filling breakfast. Snacks and a light lunch with more snacks in the afternoon. And then eat until satisfied at night. That could be 2 bowls of pasta with cheese plus some yummy treats.

Hope that helps.
Health & Support What happens in IP? Jun 04 2011
14:11 (UTC)
Health & Support emotions and energy returning - technicolour life hard to handle! Jun 03 2011
13:53 (UTC)
You go girl! And just keep on going!!!!
Health & Support beautiful list Jun 02 2011
13:43 (UTC)
To get my hair back as it was
Health & Support beautiful list Jun 02 2011
13:34 (UTC)
My friend today said to me, 'I know you've written lists before (pros and cons) but what is it you really want?'

At the time all I could say was I just want to be happy. Then when I was driving home this voice in my head was telling me how selfish I was and what made me think I should be or deserve to be happy.

Been thinking a lot since then and I've now written a list of things I want

What Do I Want

To be closer to Jesus!!!
To break down the walls
To be able to really share thoughts and feelings with my husband
To not scare, hurt, worry my kids
To get my family back together
  To feel warm
To have clarity in my head
To stop arguing
To have energy
To be able to enjoy life, family, friends
To not feel like a failure
To be able to believe the good things people say about me
To be able to think about things other than this
To be able to read a book
To be able to focus
To not be scared of gaining weight
To be free from this
To be happy 
To not avoid social situations
To not avoid talking to people
To be emotionally stable
To not think that I'm fat
To not think that everyone else thinks I'm fat and need to lose weight
To be able to trust the people trying to help me
To not think that every bad thing is my fault
To find out who I really am
To sleep ALL night
To be able to remember things
To be able to eat something, anything without feeling bad
To not be scared to the feelings that will come when I do start recovery
To be able to express how I'm feeling

I'm sure there are more but that's it for now

Health & Support I wonder, how many calories does the flu burn? May 14 2011
09:35 (UTC)
I had severe tonsillitis recently and lost 4 1/2 lbs in a week. My nutrionist explained that our bodies work extra hard to fight the infection and the rises in body temp also uses more energy both of these of course lead to burning of extra calories and weightloss
Health & Support Psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor? May 14 2011
09:07 (UTC)
Thank you all for your replies.

I truly don't think meds are the answer, I spent nearly 3 years zonked out on anti depressants for post natal depression and that just is not an option.

As I live in a country town finding a range of anything, in this case psychs is impossible. My nearest minor centre is 1 and a 1/2 hours away and major centre is 4 hours away. So it's kinda like I will have to make the best with what is available.

My friend recently did a course 'first aid for mental health' covering all manner of mental health issues from ED through to psychosis - she really struggled with the ED component of the course as it was so personal for her through our relationship but one of the things she did learn was that CBT does not work for ED. For the life of me right now I can't remember what they did say worked, sorry my brain just doesn't retain stuff these days, I'll try to remember to ask her tomorrow.

I'm not sure where to go now, kinda feel like doors are slamming shut in my face leaving me with no where to turn.
Health & Support All I can think about is damn food May 05 2011
23:40 (UTC)
My kids have just been on school holidays and someone asked me the usual questions, how were your holidays, what did you do etc etc??? I gave the usual vague reply of, oh not much just chilled at home. But later I really thought about how I'd spent the 2 weeks - like you that whole time was spent thinking about food in one way or another - thinking about how I can do recovery, thinking about how I can restrict, trawling through this site, searching for goodness knows what. I feel like my whole life has been given over to ED - I am a huge reader but haven't read a book for months because I can't focus long enough.

I haven't been on here long enough to know your full story but it sounds like you're doing recovery well. To me it's a mountain we have to climb, each step taking us closer to the top where we can stand and clearly see (for the first time) where we've come from. From what the other posters are saying maybe it's time for you to take the next step - easier said than done I know, I'm still fighting that first step.

So, keep going up that mountain, you're doing great.
Health & Support All I can think about is damn food May 05 2011
07:20 (UTC)

Believe me, you do NOT want to still be battling this in your 40's!!! Most likely in the future (if you haven't already) you will have children - you don't want to subject them to watching their mum starve herself and not know why or how to help.


Also, it's quite normal to feel flat after a holiday - post holiday blues, lots of people do. For us ED strugglers post holiday blues with accentuate the thoughts and fears we face every single day. So, there ya go.... you want to be normal, you are! ;) And those post holiday blues do go away. Try to find a new focus - non food related, and enjoy it.


Good luck!

Health & Support I'm seeing tiny little pulses.... May 04 2011
09:40 (UTC)
I had same thing. Checked with my GP last visit - she said it's there in everyone just skinny people can feel/see it.
Health & Support please help :( May 01 2011
22:37 (UTC)
My heart goes out to you. I don't know your situation being new to the forum but what you've described sounds very cruel nd tortuous to me. Do what you have to to get out of there and then seek caring and understanding help. It is out there! Good luck!!!!
Health & Support Saw my Dietician/Nutritionist yesterday May 01 2011
11:48 (UTC)
Thankyou Hedgren, you clearly know your stuff. You're probably quite right in suggesting perhaps I'm not ready yet. How do we surrender to the process, what does it take to get us to a point where we hate this so much we'll do anything to be free of it. For me I just keep thinking that if I canteen do it (recovery) for my kids 1. Doesn't say much about meas a mother and 2. What on earth will it take?

Abbi -how do I feel when I gain weight? - I haven't gained weight for over 18mths now but I know how I feel when my weight loss is low. All I can think is if I can only lose such a small amount eating virtually nothing, what's going to happen in recovery. These slow loss times make me restrict even more.

I'm not angry at my 'team'. My GP actually said to me at my appt exactly what you posted, that she can't just watch me do this to myself. Daypatient is not an option, I live in a country town where even finding a therapist is difficult. An inpatient program would be 4hrs away from where I live. Not an option as far as I'm concerned because I don't want to leave my kids.

Again, thank you to both of you for taking the time to read and reply
Health & Support How did you challenge your ED today? Apr 27 2011
11:16 (UTC)
Since Sunday I have been telling myself that I'm going to have a Lindt chocolate today - haven't been able to do it though. Don't know why I even thought I could do it when I struggle trying to eat safe foods. Haven't had chocolate for years.
Health & Support "How do you stay so skinny" Apr 21 2011
13:19 (UTC)
Surely you're not suggesting telling everybody??

I have 2 very close friends (1 of whom has been with me every step of the way over the last 18mths, at work and socially) who know the truth, my Pastor knows and there are a few people at work who suspect and continually ask my my friend if I'm 'ok' - my friend answers as vaguely as she can.

Health & Support "How do you stay so skinny" Apr 21 2011
12:48 (UTC)
Oh yes, I get this a lot. And it makes me feel so ashamed and uncomfortable that I can't look people in the eyes. 'whats your secret?' is a common question. And there is no way I'm going to tell anyone. So my usual response is 'oh just diet and exercise'.