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How to tell a guy you don't like him.....gently!

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I'm a sopohmore in high school and I have a senior friend- but I'm pretty sure that he likes me more than a friend. He always texts me and when I don't respond he gets freaked out and asks me if he made me upset and makes sure that I am okay and all of this type of crazy stuff. He keeps asking me to hang out with him and to see him over the weekends and I really do not want to.

So here's the thing, he hasn't officially asked me out of anything, but he is getting annoying. How do I tell him that I don't like him without hurting him too badly?

Any advice is greatly appreciated!! :)

8 Replies (last)

Maybe you can just outright ask him if he likes you more than a friend if he says yes you can tell him that's cool and all but you aren't looking for anything like that n your life right now. If he says no then nothing to it.

hey gymchick! boy it seems like yesterday i was dealing with these problems too.

the best route in these cases, is the honest one. otherwise, guys seem to "misinterperet" what you are saying, and hurting themselves (and blaming you) all the same. so if i were you.. (thank GOD texting wasnt huge back when i was in school) I would just tell him that you think he's a great guy, but that he's making you a little uncomfortable. tell him that it seems that he wants something more than maybe you can give to him. be sure to remind him of the importance of his friendship, but remind him that there are only so many limits that a person has.

Be strong.. and remain sweet..and let us know how it goes. GL! =)

I agree with the above.... don't worry too much about being 'gentle'.   When someone is that clingy and persistent you have to express yourself quite firmly (not offensively, of course) or they think you're just playing hard to get.  He needs a metaphoric 'smack on the nose' or he won't get the message.

You seem to have no intention of being his girlfriend so don't even explore that avenue .. can of worms.

Next time he asks if he's made you upset, be honest & assertive.  "Yes you are annoying me at the moment.  Stop sending me texts.  Stop freaking out when I don't answer.   I don't want to hang out with you.  I don't want to spend the weekend with you.".... no ambiguity, just the unvarnished truth. 


When I was in high school, I made the mistake of rejecting a guy by saying "well. the truth of the matter is that I just don't really like you at all, and that's why I don't want to go to prom with you anymore."

... I wouldn't really reccommend that because it's mean, although looking back now it's also fairly hilarious. Maybe it'd be best if you just started talking about some guy (fictional or real) that you're really into. If I were you, I'd try to refrain from just flat out asking if he likes you, because either way, that will be a really awkward and embarrasing conversation for both of you.

I made the suggestion to just ask cause I did that once. Although I'm a guy I think it applies to females also.

I knew this girl that acted real ackward anytime she was around me. I just didn't want a girlfriend at the time. I asked her straight out one day. "why do you act so silly around me? Do you like me or something?" Well she said yes and I told her I don't really want a girlfriend in my life right now with all the problems I'm having. But if she was ok with it we could still hang out and be good friends. I guess she understood cause we are still good friends today. This was lke 10 years ago.


There's no such thing as a "gentle" let down.

The only thing you can do is be honest.  Tell him exactly what you just wrote here.  That is honest.

you are just going to have to be straight with him. say something along the lines of

"i've noticed that it seems that you like me, and i don't want to lead you on, so i will tell you  now that i am not attracted to you in that way.  it has nothing to do with anything youve done or didnt do.  it is just my personal preference."


this is a nice but straightforward way to say it.  most people wont even tell you why they dont like you, so that is good to get out there.  if he asks can he do something to change so that you could like him just tell him that you will never like him in that way and that you really dont want to lead him on to think that you do feel something towards him in that way.   if he tries to be mean, then ignore him. 

if he says ' can we still be friends" then answer yes if you want to be friends.  if you don't, just tell him that you are good on friends right now.


it may seem harsh, but if you are not straightforward, people still think that they have a chance at being with you, and that youll change your mind. 

personally, if i were to get rejected, i would prefer the method i stated rather than being led on or being told something mean or being ignored.  you will know in the end that no matter how he acts later, you were honest, respectful, kind, and you did the right thing.  i hope that helps.

by the way, i got most of this advice from my brother some time ago when i had a similar problem.

Thanks everyone!! I used a bit of all the advice that I got on here and it's all good now. We are still friends but he doesn't text or bug me as much! I would like to give a big hug and thanks to everyone who replied! :)

8 Replies