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This is an extremely dramatic subject heading, and I apologize.
About four years ago, I was quite overweight. Through a process of dieting, exercise, and some pretty heinous life changes, I sped those extra pounds - and then some. Recognizing I was at an unhealthy weight and had gone from one set of bad habits to another, I wanted to find that middle ground, to be healthy and stable and maintain and life to the fullest, etc etc, commercial involving fields of wheat.
This is not that easy.
For, God, what seems an eternity - maybe about a year or so - I've been in the struggle to first, gain weight, and then once I had gained...to maintain. And I was just SO good at both of these after so much practice, that I slightly overshot my mark, and am now back in the losing club. It has been a saga.
The fact of the matter is that I want to be healthy. I am NOT looking to get down to 20lbs below my healthy weight because 'I think that's right for me' and 'I was happy there before...when I was an infant.', nor do I have warped ideas about thinking I'm obese. I am at a healthy weight, technically, for my height. However, a good deal of this is body fat - and it shows. And I truly am uncomfortable at this weight, I can tell that it's come from a run of really bad eating which I seem to be stuck in, and I desperately want to break the cycle, to gain control. And it's hard. I think I need help. This is not easy to say.
Here are the facts:
1. I am totally addicted to sugar. It is actually an addiction. It feels like cocaine. And I'm sure there are people out there who can completely sympathise with the absolutely HORRIFIC feeling of being so determined, SO BLOODY DETERMINED not to do something...and having your body literally physically betray you. It is the worst. I don't like disliking myself, and I want it to stop.
2. Point 1 inevitably leads to binging. This is also something I have done a lot of research on, and it's no easy thing to break out of. It's the food, it's the taste, it's the comfort, it's the chewing, it's all of it and it needs to stop. There are more beautiful things out there for me to be addicted to - and I do have an addictive personality, I recognize this - that are better for me and will benefit my lifestyle if used in excess. Whereas this is making me feel lousy, sick, and depressed. Not good, right? Right.
And despite all of these vastly mature and logical realizations, I'm still failing. I'm having a really hard time. So here's the next step.
I'd like to be held accountable. I've talked to a close friend about the difficulties I'm having with eating but I'm just finding it really difficult to divulge all the gory details, and would honestly feel pathetic and needy to ask them to check up on me like a headmaster. That's just not how I am. And besides, I see the people in my life every day. I don't need to imagine them always looking at me and always watching me, or else not looking at me or watching me enough - it's a world of not going to work.
I used CalorieCount before when I first decided to get healthy and lose weight. It is not perfect (I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be insulting). I imagine you've all had a troll or two through the countless forum topics where people post medically inaccurate statements about calorie needs and young girls - I'm speaking hypocritically here, maybe - lose it over their 1400 calorie a day spike. This is not the CalorieCount community I'm appealing to. I'm appealing to those of you who are out there, healthy, happy, fighting to get stable - whether it be in maintenance or loss, and who are willing to extend a hand to a friend and pull me out of the trough.
I was thinking...just like daily e-mails. And if you're in the UK, even a text or two. Asking me, even, if I'm staying on track, if I've not eaten sugar that day, tiny jabs in the ribs to stay true and remember how had I'm working to achieve this. I reckon it's good to be accountable to someone, have an outlet to the world.
I hope someone reads this, and decides to help. All I need is a little boost, as do we all sometimes. I'll be there for you, if you're there for me. Shall we?
I'll be your motivation buddy! My last buddy fell off the face of the earth haven't gotten a message from her in almost a month! Oh Well!
I really need to be held accountable as well. Like you I've had every ED from anorexia to binge eating disorder I'm now trying to lose a LOT of weight.
I have a food addiction too. It's like Someone else has my remote control and is **** with my hunger signals. ARRRGG!
Anyway. I'm here for a chat, update, help or whatever!
I am here to chat, if you ever need help!
So you may be addicted to sugar... but I love it too. I don't think i've met many people who refuse to enjoy sweets. I also love carbs. Mounds and mounds of carbs!
In order to break the cycle I had to set a goal. My goal was to complete a marathon. It required me to exercise so much (some weeks 60 miles of running), that it forced me to eat better. If I went out and binged on ice cream or candy, I'd notice it the next day and would have a hard time finishing that days run.
Now I am not suggesting that you need to run a marathon, but I find that a goal oriented exercise program forces a person to think differently because the results of eating poorly are felt immediately. Not to mention my other addiction, carbs, isnt as big of an issue as it was because I can burn them off pretty easily. (some days I need to carb load before a race).
In short, if you need help in eating better and can't seem to do it cold turkey, definately try an exersice program either at a local gym, or find a good program on the web that interests you. You'll be able to eat without feeling guilty and also be forced to eat better over time.
Just my two coppers.
I know what you mean about sugar. I can get that high from certain sugary foods - usually the really sugary stuff that melts in the mouth - and there's no limit to how much I can eat - fudge, candy floss, coconut ice - mmmm.
I have found that the more I concentrated on trying to get the daily amount of vitamin C, calcium, vitamin A, iron and protein (supplementing with vitamins for calcium and iron because I don't get enough) the less I craved sugary foods. Over several weeks I have been able to reset myself to a normal sugar intake.
If you focus on eating more vegetables and protein you might find your body craves instant energy from sugar less. Try to eat protein with every meal to balance your blood sugar.
I still eat chocolate but I can limit myself to a couple of squares after a meal. And I no longer need several biscuits per cup of tea - the occasional biscuit will do!
You guys are great. I know I'm not alone when it comes to this sugar thing - the more I google, the more I feel the pain amongst us all - and it's great to have a support group. Hey, I don't have to limit it to just one person - let's have a bloody support TEAM! Let's all get involved, mate! I'm sure technology will support us in this.
So basically, redcrow, kelly, and whoever else is game to get on board - I'll e-mail you, you e-mail me, and we WILL tackle this thing. They say it takes a couple weeks to kick a habit, or at most 28 days, but always the first chunk of days is the hardest. My goal is to get through the next week without eating sweets, eating protein and vegetables when I need to refuel and quenching my cravings with healthier things like tea and water. There was a time when I considered healthy foods my little treats and savoured my carrots like they were sticks of chocolate. I want those days back.
As for exercise, I actually kickbox. I tend to do this about 5 times a week, and have been building a small strength routine 3 times a week, alternating different muscles. I'd like to feel less pressure to exercise over time, because I do enjoy it, and want to do it for that reason and because it's healthy rather than because I feel I'll gain even more weight if I don't. But I will say, if anyone out there is NOT exercising - you should. It's wonderful. It's a natural high, kills appetite, actually ENERGISES you and of course has all sorts of benefits. Including fighting of alzheimers, I just recently learned...
Thanks for all the responses. Another day, and new determination. I think I'm gonna try and drink my weight in water tomorrow...
By the way, my name's Randy.