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Coworker called me "fat and ugly"

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Just venting... Sorry...

A couple days ago, I got into an argument with this guy that I work with.  First of all, I am his boss. I'm the night manager... so you would think people would try to be nicer to me, since i can fire them if i really wanted to... anyway... He told me something.... that our other store dropped some money off, and I asked him,"why?"  A simple question.  I thought we had run out of money for our register... hence the "why?"  Then he like freaked, called me stupid, said what a dumb question that was, use my head... stupid... whatever. 

I was like... WTF?  All I said was why?  Don't get an attitude with me because your upset about something else.  Your really rude and mean.  Don't call me stupid for no reason.  He wouldn't concede that he was wrong.  So, I dropped it.  I figured I would talk to him the next day (he was on his way out, and I had JUST walked in the door not two seconds earlier).  And, explain to him that he was really rude, and whatever...
So, I told my coworker that I worked with about it last night.  A different one.  So, in the morning when the other Asst. Manager came in, my coworker went to go tell him... While I was still working and helping customers... So, then my coworker leaves, and my asst. manager comes over and says, oh i heard what mike did.  (I had already told him when I was home the other day... So, he already knew about it. you know on AOL msr.)

I was like, oh yeah I told you already.  He was like yeah I know but you didn't tell me all of it.  I was like, "what?" what do you mean?

He said that my coworker just told him the story, but instead of saying the truth, which was the guy said I was stupid and dumb

(which wasn't terrible because the guy is developmentally I dont' know what to say... He's not all there... I think he never developed past a 12 year old (I'm totally serious I don't mean it to make fun of him)

Any way, so instead of saying the truth, which was stupid and dumb, he told my asst. manager that the guy said, "Ugly and Fat".

UGLY AND FAT do not sound like STUPID AND DUMB>.

Where would he get that from?  I told the asst. manager that that was ridiculous, the guy didn't say that, and then I was extremely hurt.  I couldn't believe how much it actually hurt me.  I don't know why.   I'm used to people saying that stuff to me.  Maybe because it was like 'underhanded'... I don't know...

The asst. manager realized that it hurt my feelings...told me he doesn't think so... and to listen where it's coming from ... the guys an ass... I know, but when I got to my car, I just started crying.... I'm actually tearing up now, and I don't know why... I'm sorry guys, I just had to share this with somebody, because I have no friends, so you guys are all i have...:)

Maybe I just expected people to actually become grownups when they grow up... the guy is 43 years old (the fat and ugly one) and the guy that said (stupid and dumb) is 56.

Wow, thats like two big put downs in 2 days.


16 Replies (last)
Awww, I'm sorry.

Sometimes people can be really mean and the sad part is that they don't even realize it.

If the second insult came from a guy who was developmentally challenged, he may have just mixed it up in his head and probably didn't even mean it as his own thoughts. Don't let that bother you, I have been watching your post and you are making a lot of really awesome progress. You are a great inspiration for me to get off my butt and do something about it.

The first guy just sounds like a mean grumpy person. He probably would have said that to just about anybody. Maybe he was just in a rush and didn't feel like talking about it.

I hope your day goes better.

The first guy is the challenged one.  The one who said stupid and dumb.  The second guy is a 43 year old surfer... Who claims to have 147 IQ yeah...
for some reason people seem to think ugly, fat, and stupid all mean the same thing. when i'm really upset at myself i call myself all of these things over and over and over... i think to these people an insult is an insult rather than actually thinking about the words... maybe the second guy who said u & f was just mixed up, and doesn't really think these things.

i know you are so upset right now, and i would be too, but you know that you are better then these idiots... just rise above it, and don;t let them see they've got to you. you are trying hard to be healthy and that is all that matters - you and your health. don't let these people stop that progress...

sorry, i jumble my words quite a bit. id just like to say that i read your profile and you say "disgusting", but your picture isn't discusting at all! you have a beautiful face and a georgous daughter - and you are worth more then 1 million of the fool men who work for you (the fact that you are actually their BOSS proves that!)

anyway, what i'm trying to say is, hang in there and don't get disheartened. there are a million bad things you could say about them, but you won't, because you are a better person.
I know what you mean about expecting grown-ups to act grown up, been there and done that.  I felt a little twinge of anger reading that story.

And these guys are MIDDLE AGED!?!?!?  I sure as hell hope they don't pass their "matruity" onto their kids, if they have any.  I hope these asshats boys in men's suits at the very, very least get a write up.
I, for some reason, am a magnet for angry people. Whether driving or walking in a store, there are angry people taking their problems out on others.  The other day, a very angry driver was behind me, and she was laying on her horn because she could turn right. I was going straight, but the light was red.  She kept honking her darn horn, like that ws going to get me to break the law, and risk my kid's lives.  And I let her get to me.  I was soo mad when I got home.  Luckily I have my mom for support, so I called her.  Her advice was worth gold.  I'm going to tell you what she told me. 

the problem isn't you (and it sounds like you know that).  These guys have had a bad day, life or whatever and the problem started for them well before you came along.  I bet their day didn't get any brighter after being horrible to you.  Don't let it hurt you.  Don't let it ruin your day.  Keep smiling hun, it's the best come back to anything anyone says to you!
It's unprofessional, plain and simple. Yes he should respect you because you're his boss, but he should respect you because you're a coworker.  You're not some person out on the street or a friend he can say his mind to without adverse affects. 

Be strong! He probably had no idea what even came out of his mouth. And he could very likely do it again. If he does, you need to speak to him then and there, don't let it wait, and don't let it hurt you because you know he's not worth it.  Just tell him that that behaviour is uncalled for, and unprofessional.  He can have all the opinion about you outside the office, but not inside. And if he has a problem with that, he can leave.
wow - when i was a manager (in february!) this was called insubordination, and was grounds for disciplinary action.  i would have written the employee up for insubordination with a warning that repeat behavior could lead to his termination.  what kind of people are these????
it must be going around this week check out my post of why are people so mean........i totally understand what you are going through and you should really read all the comments because they all apply to your situation as well. I was really upset until i posted that thread and everyone here made me realize that some people are just plain old a- - holes. I am 5'6 and weigh 208 and I like you don't think I look like i weigh that much and neither does anyone else. So keep you head up and just think when you are down to your goal weight they will still be ignorant SOB's!!!
This is just my two cents worth! There are a couple of things here.

Firstly, the guy was insubordinate - you should not engage him in any kind of argument because you are not eqauls.  You had a justified question.  Document the exchange and put it up the chain - he should be charged with insubordination - if you get into it with him, you cannot do that because he can turn around and take what you may have said in the heat of the moment as abuse of authority which you have no right to do.

Secondly, as management, you cannot discuss an employee with another employee - that was not right.  You can discuss it with your co-assistant manager or better yet the manager - if there is going to be any disciplinary action taken, the employee has the right for it to be confidential. 

I am sorry you were hurt - how could  you not be?  They both hit below the belt and no matter what their age - that was petty and immature.  Unfortunately, you can never be both boss and friend.  You can be a friendly boss which is recommneded as long as the relationship is clear - you are the boss.  Employees WILL bitch and moan about you and say mean things - they do that to feel empowered - it's not right but it is going to happen.  Try to keep it in perspective.  You are a beautiful human being - don't let anyone make you feel otherwise!!

Take care!
Hi Gypsy,

I'm sorry you had such a rough day, but I hope you don't take those comments seriously (hurtful yes, but true no).  You are a very beautiful woman, and you have a natural beauty (not plastic), so for someone to say fat and ugly means they couldn't think of anything wrong with you and just choose the first hateful things that came to their head without thinking.  Like a cookie-cutter response.

You are in no way ugly, and yes you may be overweight, but that's only temporary and it's something you're fixing.  And I totally agree with Shanna, soon you will be a thin healthy beautiful woman, but for the rest of their lives those two guys will be ignorant a-holes.  They were just looking for someone to take out their aggression on, so don't take it personally.

I hope the rest of your day goes better and feel free to vent anytime!
Sorry to hear about your crappy day!  I hope that your day goes better!  And please never apologize for venting, we're here to listen!  :)Missy
I am so very very sorry you were hurt. I have a 12yo dev disabled son. I am hoping one day he will be employable with supervision. If the first man really is dev disabled then I think it is harsh on everybody's part to call him an a**hole.

ahhhhhh.. I checked out your photo.. you are actually quite beautiful....
this brings me back to 5th grade...out of nowhere this boy called me fat and ugly too. it stuck with me till this day! I'm 32 much as we try sticks and stones doesn't always work...I'm sorry these jerks made you feel this way...i saw your pic you are very pretty!
Gypy-It's hard to be the manager, everyone hates the manager. Try to not dwell on it. Looking at your pic you look beautifull.

Ruthie-when I was in the 7th grade I gave my school picture to a friend who was a boy. Later I heard another boy saying "why would you want to keep her picture" After they walked away I realized the friend that I gave the picture too had thrown it on the ground. I picked it up and it had already gotten footprints on it. I was so sad and I will ALWAYS remember it. I felt so ugly at that moment.

you were brave enough to post a picture, and from what i can see they don't have any right to say those things. You seem to be a very beautiful person inside and out. Don't worry about what other peopel say think or do. In the end, only you will be accountable for the things in your life. For the people who want to say hurtful things, usually because they feel they pump themselves up, because they are insucure themselves. Don't worry about it, you just keep being a good person, because there aren't many like you left
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