I was just curious if anyone has the same worries that I have. I'm still gaining and plan to gain atleast another 12 lbs (i'm 5'6", 113, lw 98) and am consuming about 2500-2600 cals a day. Anyhow, I tend to get anxiety while eating sometimes, depending on the food. Like the other night I drank a milkshake to get my last calories in for the day, now that I am sensitive to sugar and sweet foods, I get nervous that I will become tolerant to those foods again. I know it's foolish and dumb but I don't want to learn to eat them without restraint or without sensitivity to its taste. I can no longer drink sodas or eat some desserts because I find them very sweet, so I feel guilty when I drink a milkshake because I don't want to get used to its taste. ODD.. i know. Same with fried foods. I hate the grease that I pours out or the greasy feeling french fries leave on my lips... so I worry I will get used to them again (I used to eat these foods before anorexia, with no problem) Can anyone relate?
Same with big portions. Through recovery, I try to eat dense or high caloric foods (high cal breads, pastas, pesto sauces, peanut butter, nuts, granola, etc) but when I eat a big portion of food because in need of calories, I get NERVOUS that i am going to become used to big portions... HELP.
I can totally relate to this. I suffered with obesity from aged 13-21 and I used to have a hunger for unhealthy food like crazy. My bmi was like 38 and I had days where I could eat and never feel full until it was too late. Looking back I guess it was a form of eating disorder of its own.
However, things are different for you now. I think thats what the experts keep telling me. Once your bmi is correct and healthy you will think differently and be able to deal with the emotional side of life without resorting to starving yourself to cope with emotions. I have to keep reminding myself of this too!!
Im just repeating to you what I have been told and am by no stretch of the imagination in a healthy mindset myself but as for understanding this fear of getting used to calorific foods and good weight gain foods I 110% share these thoughts. I guess thats ED talking and trying to win!!
Keep going you will be fine and it sounds as if you are doing fantastically!