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So...my husband and I have been married for about 5 years now and before we got engaged he asked me what color gold I liked better. About 6 years ago...white gold was just starting to come out and not nearly as common as it is today. For me, it was a simple answer, yellow gold because all of my childhood jewelry was in yellow gold, so why change it!
Now...I am really starting to dislike my yellow gold wedding & engagement rings. Everytime I look at them....I feel like they are so outdated and not to mention all of my friends my age (late 20s) always ask why I picked yellow gold! Not that their opinion matters....I just really dislike yellow now!
I brought this up to my husband and he is really upset by this. He spent a long time trying to pick out a perfect engagement ring and nearly spent about $10k on it. I feel really crappy about this entire situation and don't know what to do!
Any thoughts? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
- By the way...I recently went to a jeweler to see if they could dip the rings in white gold and that is only something temporary. They said that really isn't an option and that I would need to swap out the rings and put the diamonds in a new setting.
Could you have them melt down your original setting and recreate it in white gold?
I'm not sure how all that works.
Jewelry trends and styles come and go. I've been married 32 years, and my rings are white gold, and my mother's were white gold as well, so that color has been around for decades. If you put out the big bucks again for white gold and 10 years from now it has swung back to gold, are you going to want new rings again? Do you want rings solely because they are stylish, or do you want rings that represent you and your husband's commitment to each other and that he put a lot of thought into?
Hi Vicky. I don't know if there is an easy/cheap way to do this that would be agreeable to your hubby.
I have to ask, though. Not trying to be mean or anything, but why does this even matter? I mean, I understand preferences change throughout time. Happends to all of us! However, it seems like you, if fact, DO care what your friends think. If I were your hubby, and I spent that amount of money and time picking out your ring, I would be on the pissy side too.
stargazer1 - I am not sure about the entire melting thing and how that works...all I know is that they told me the best thing to do is swap the diamond out and put it in another setting.
cgergely1 - those are good questions and ones I often thought myself. I don't feel like this is a "phase" I'm going through or that I want to be stylish....because I would never put stylish in front of my husbands feelings. I just genuinely have a taste for white gold now that I am a bit older and I think yellow gold looks awful. If I change to white gold, I don't think I would ever go back to yellow. This isn't a matter of what is stylish and I shouldn't have mentioned that in my OP. This is about me having a distaste for yellow gold.
I know it sounds silly....how could I go from liking yellow gold to white in 5 years. I have started disliking yellow gold about 2 years ago and have been torn ever since. I know there is so much sentimental value to these rings...but I can't deal with looking at my rings everyday and hating the yellow gold.
Bringing this up to my husband was a hard thing to do for me....so I feel really bad and I cannot imagine how he feels. I just don't know what to do.
crazineko - I know where you are coming from and I asked myself that for 2 years....who cares it is just a color, I'll get over it and deal with it. But, I look at these rings everyday and I cannot stand the color anymore. I just hate it, period.
I am really not doing this for my friends, trust me. I am really mad at myself for not looking around at rings before we got engaged. I feel like I probably would've found out then that I liked white gold.
I guess I don't see the big deal in swapping out a band that is very similar to mine, but in white gold. I am not as sentimental as my husband, so I am trying to understand both sides here.
If it really upsets your husband that you want to switch the setting, I don't know that it would be worth it to do. I guess it depends on whether it's just a stubborn, "Hey I liked that setting!" or if it really is representative of your vows to him.
If your tastes changed that quickly in the past, what makes you think they won't change again? Don't waste money and stick with what you have. You will probably like them again soon enough.
How much of the 10K was for the rings, and how much was for the diamond? I assume you would be using the same diamond, just getting a new setting, but maybe that's not how your husband is thinking about it.
Does your wedding band currently match his? That might be important to him. If he has a yellow gold band, he might feel that yours should stay yellow too.
amethystgirl - most of the 10k is in the diamond itself. It is about 1.75 karat princess cut. The engagement band itself is very plain, just yellow gold no diamonds.
However, my wedding band is a channel of diamonds and yellow gold as well. My husband actually has a white gold wedding band (which is ironic) with yellow gold trim (to somewhat match mine). He went with white gold because he didn't think yellow gold went well with his skin tone.
If I switched to white gold, I don't think I would ever go back to yellow gold. I just grew up with yellow gold and assumed that I liked yellow. It sounds really stupid of me, but I really didn't know that white gold exsisted...I always thought that was just silver. Now that I am older and know what white gold is...I love it!
You can have the rings rhodium plated (that is actually what is added to gold to give it a "white" color).
It's expensive, but cheaper than replacing the whole setting. But you have to re-plate it just about every 1-2 years.
Or you could just remember that it's just a ring and save the money to go on vacation...
Explore all your options, you can keep the rings in a box because gold is an investment and can be converted to cash if the need arises, and buy different rings, white gold is not the only good looking alloy out there, you can get titan or tungsten carbide that don't lose the shine over the years. Gold is a soft metal, it gets scratched and rings often need polishing once they become dull. Since a wedding ring is something you have to look at for a long time it's important that you like it, the cost is secondary, it may be worth 10k but that only makes it an investment not something that's a part of you.
Also don't try to get them plated, you're messing with their value, ordinary metals get plated with noble metals not the other way around, and the plating doesn't last unless it's on some decoration that sits on a shelf untouched. White gold doesn't seem to be worth much, I lost one of my earrings and went to pawn the second since it was useless on it's own and the pawn shops don't seem to want white gold.
I think that if I were your spouse that I would be upset. You see the rings as objects decorating your hands rather than a symbol of your love and union.
Now from a purely objective point of view, what would you think of putting a thin platinum band next to each? It would make a white gold border framing the yellow gold, kind of like your husband's ring without it being attached.
I had a toe ring that was really three bands, two thin silver ones framing a thicker gold one. I really liked the look of it and everyone always thought that it was one ring.
I've always preferred white gold and platinum to yellow gold. This is nothing new. I've preferred this since my first marriage back in the early 80's, so I can understand that you would want to get away from that yellow.
I often see or hear about couples celebrating an anniversary with another wedding ceremony. They just want to celebrate their love and make it known that if they could; they would indeed do it all over again.
If couples can have a 2nd or third wedding together, I don't see why a couple couldn't have a 2nd ring exchange. I say combine it with a 2nd marriage proposal.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I still don't know what to do. I am going to get the rings rhodium plated for now and see how long that lasts. After that, maybe I will try and live with the color.
smw - I don't see it as an object....but, rather as a "symbol." That's all the ring really is...just a symbol, isn't it? I know it has a lot of sentimental value...but it will mean just the same to me if I get something very similar, but in a different color. I am keeping a huge part of it either way....1.75 karats to be exact
Anyway, I really hate yellow gold and I don't want to look at my ring everyday thinking how much I hate it, instead of the meaning behind the ring....because that is where I am at right now.
I honestly thought there would be more women out there like me that had a drastic change in taste to their wedding ring, but apparently not.
brian - thanks....I was actually thinking along those lines. My boss and his wife actually renewed their vows for their 25th anniversary and they both got white gold rings to celebrate their "silver" anniversary, which replaced their original wedding bands. I told my husband this and he still didn't like the idea.
It has been really tense at home now that I brought this issue up. But, now he is saying that he will support me if that's what I really want. It just breaks my heart that he would feel sad if I do go through with it.
I would just say that you should make sure that this change will actually be something you want for sure.
Maybe get the original gold remade into something that has extra sentimental value...a clasp for the wedding album or a brooch or something like that...something that will be nice but not sit next to your skin where you don't like to see it. Or even as a bit of contrast against a new band...incorporating some of the old into the new?
well i actually think you are being rather selfish and materialistic...but that's just me I guess.
I wanted to replace my engagement ring immediately after getting it (well, after the initial excitement). I never wanted a high setting, and my bestie was suppose to tell my then boyfriend that, but got a huge setting (she can't handle pressure sales I guess).
Anyways, when I told my SO that, it crushed him. After than, I decided to keep it the way it is. I still don't like it as much as my other design, but it makes him happy, so it stays.
andie- I am actually not materialistic in any way. If you think having a 1.75 karat was my idea...it wasn't. I actually would prefer a smaller ring as I don't like bringing attention to myself. I just have a strong distaste for yellow gold now that I am older. Also, if I keep my yellow bands then all my other jewlrey from here on out has to be yellow gold. And don't say "no you could wear different colored golds" because it would look really stupid if I have white gold earings, a white gold necklace, and huge a** ring that is yellow gold.
mjsophia - I am starting to feel the same way...I would rather put my husbands feelings in front of what I want. It just stinks...I wish I would have known sooner that I like white gold.
I guess I was lucky that I got to pick out my own ring. Even if i ever decided to with something different, I would still wear it as a right hand ring. It's that wonderful.
I don't think the OP is being selfish. People's taste change. I know many people who have "upgraded" their rings over the years.
I think, if the OP has a simple ring like she said, it shouldn't be that big of a deal to have it recreated in white gold with the same diamond.