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I spent 4 weeks asking him questions, seeking out answers. Finally on the 6th week of this mess, I called his supervisor directly to ask if a harassment incident report had been filed. As I began to speak with his supervisor, my husband started to cry and told me "no". So I just told her my husband was doing well after his surgery and we hung up.
Eddie cried as he told me that he had been cheating on me with Lily for 2 years and the last time was approximately 8 weeks ago.
My life just crashed completely and my world fell apart.. I didn't know who he was. The man I thought he was didn't exist. I began to wonder who I was, since I couldn't trust my own instincts. I began to grieve for the relationship I thought we had and began to absorb the shock of the reality.
After 3 days of this feeling of betrayal and constant images in my mind of him having sex with that other woman, I broke down and gave up completely. I wanted my pain to stop forever and I wanted to just die. So I locked myself in the bathroom,I slit my wrist, but it didn't bleed much. I poured 32 (1mg) xanax out of the bottle and downed them with rum and waited to die. Everything became blurry and I was so, so sleepy. I felt a release, a relief, a finality and ta readiness for the end of this pain. It was going to finally stop.
Eddie had to break the door down and by the time he got to me, I couldn't walk and was slurring my speech. However, I managed to call my therapist and she called 911.
The paramedics arrived and placed me on a gurney with an EKG monitor, and a pulse oxygen sat monitor.
I don't remember much. I remember a police officer taking pictures of my bruises and since I refused to press charges, the officer created a case number just in case I changed my mind.
I told a doctor, "I don't care anymore. I give up. I just want to die". After that I was knocked out for a day. I don't know what happened except that I was admitted to the psychiatric unit as an involuntary patient. I began to wake up and realize where I was and what had happened.
I spent days in therapy with some medication adjustments and a family therapy session. My last day, one of the patients told me that she recognized my husband from the hospital he works at and that he flirted and gave her his phone number at the end of his shift. She told me that they went out for about a week and had sex once, in her apartment. She said she was sorry and didn't want to hurt me, but that I seemed like a sweet, compassionate person who should know exactly what her husband really does.
I'm finally a little up, but now I'm so down. I don't know how to feel, except I still love him. He came up to the unit and we met with Merlie, our therapist. My husband was willing to confront the lady in front of me and deny that they went our and deny that they had sex.
Slowly, I calmed down. I didn't have thoughts of hurting myself, I just cried. I still love him and he wants us to stay together and continue communicating with each other and going to marriage counseling.
I was just released from the hospital after 3-4 days. What a relief!
Now, all the hard work will begin.
Wow, this is so awful. I'm really sorry to hear this.
(and why didn't Eddie call 911?)
You can get over this. Life can go on and it will be better than before because the waste of space has no hold on you any more. I know you say you still love him but you really just need to remember that you love yourself and your children more.
Please take care, you are too important as a person to end it this way.
There is not one single human being who is worth taking your life over, not one!
Many, many people at some point in their life feel that they have lost everything, but they haven't. Whilst you are still alive, you can rebuild a life.
How did you survive before he came into your life? you will survive the same way now, but ever so much stronger.
Personally, I think you are wrong to keep this person in your life, he is only being all caring, because he feels a morsel of guilt about what he has done to you, but he will cheat again.
New life, new start, it's time to move on without him, and be happy.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I don't think it's a good idea for your husband to confront this woman, especially not in the hospital.
She might freak out and file a complaint against him, which would get him in more trouble than he is in already. Also, unless she's a pathological liar (which she very well could be-I have no idea), there's a chance that she's telling the truth. He's a cheater and a liar, and he'll stick with his lies for weeks. Why wouldn't he lie about another woman?
Your spouse should make you happy. Even when he doesn't, you shouldn't want to hurt yourself over his poor behavior. For your own well being, it's time to move on and find happiness on your own. You need to be enough for yourself, and when other people act badly, you can pick yourself up, move on, and it's their loss.
Find a good friend for a confidant. Find a good lawyer to help you plan your new life. Find a counselor to work on things one on one.
You DID know who he was. Your instincts told you true, Phoebe. You're a sensitive, insightful woman and you saw him. You were also in denial. You ignored those instincts and clung to the idea of who you wanted that man to be.
It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's something you will have to move past and that means moving past him, in my opinion.
What do you think it did to your confidence and mental well-being to live with a liar, cheater, abuser, and manipulator all these years? Consciously, you may have chosen to ignore those aspects of him, but subconsciously your mind was absorbing all that mistreatment.
You don't need him. You may want him, but you don't need him. Unshackle yourself from his foulness and start fresh, sweet one.
You are worth being cared for and loved; this person is not doing it, however heart breaking that may be. I understand drowning in your grief, but this person isn't the last person you could give love to or the be-all-end-all best friend.
I think right now, it's really easy to want to go back to someone because you love them. Love does not conquer all. Trust, compassion, caring, and communication conquers all. I'm not seeing these qualities in your relationship.
There are other things to love in this world; new hobbies, new people (friends or otherwise), animals, paintings, etc, but the love for your husband isn't what it should be because it's so damaging.
I'm incredibly sorry for your hurt and pain, but maybe this will give you a push in the direction you need to go?
Police taking photos of your bruises and asking you to press charges? I think I missed something...
it will take time but I hope you come to a realization soon that you are better off on your own and deserve to be happy. You need get this selfish poor excuse for a human being man out of your life for good...cut all ties.
No one that makes you feel like you shouldn't live anymore should be in your life.
I also don't think that other woman would lie so don't bother confronting her it's not worth the time what does it matter one way or the other he's a cheater once a cheater always a cheater.
There are men out there that will treat you with respect, love, and admiration and don't you think you deserve that??? of course you do!
It will take time but you'll heal and move on you will go through a grief like process but you'll get there...just geth im out of your life!
dammit Phoebes why didn't you log on and talk it out with us???
He opportunistically propositions patients at the hospital where he works? That is one of the creepiest things I have ever heard. He is a predator.
This is obviously a man you don't need in you life. You deserve so much better. Leave him. It'll be hard but you will learn to love yourself and become stronger.
Jesus **** christ phoebe.
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I'm also happy and relieved you are alive. Your children can't go without their mother! Look at the **** nutjob father they have!
The only thing I can say is I truly and sincerely hope to the god of all gods that you get the help you need and get away from this sick psychotic ****.
Trust your logical mind, and leave the emotion to rest.
Assess your situation with the mind of a biologist and an anthropologist and you'll see him for what he is. Your decision will be much less clouded.
I wish you well. No one should ever have to go through the pain you have gone through.
I was wondering this as well.
I am so glad you didn't die, Phoebe. I am so glad you didn't die, Phoebe.
I am so glad you didn't die.
phoebe...my heart breaks for you. I agree with KG about us being here for you, but I know that the only thing you wanted was the pain to go away. I just wish YOU didn't try to go away. I'm so sad about the possibility of not hearing from you...maybe I would never know, because you never could log on again to tell us. And that makes me angry. Don't do this to us ever again...we care too much!
Obviously, I know our feelings are not the focus here, but I don't know how else to express that we want you to be happy, because you DESERVE it. I'm confused about two things though, that make me think you don't deserve love, happiness and respect from Eddie:
1. What bruises? What happened?
2. When you say he was willing to confront her, did you cry because you couldn't believe he was lying, again?
Don't leave us. Can you stay with someone else for a while? Even maybe a trusting CCer if no one else?
I understand how you feel about him cheating on you, been there but do not make your children go without their mother cause of him. you can be happy on your own, if you decide to go it alone brake ties so that you have time to heal and break away from him. I told mine not to call me for a month because I couldn't deal with the heartache when I talk to him. My son just got divorced in Dec. his heart was broken, his wife cheated on him too. I worried to death for 6 months about him killing himself. It's been 6 mo. since the divorce and he has said to me how happy he is. He realized how now much drama she caused in his life. Yes, you love him, but it doesn't mean you need to stay with him and make yourself sick over him. Of course he wants to work things out he doesn't what to lose what he had because he wants it all. I can't believe he was doing this crap at work. good Lord, what are the chances of running into a patient at a psychiatric unit that he slept with. That is like a big HELLO, were done fellow. Oh the flip side what is wrong with that patient? Did any of the staff seem to thing she might be making it up? What is that about bruises ???? police pictures???? I hope you are healing, continue with therapist. I went for a year. My husband cheating made me feel like crap, Like I wasn't good enough or I did something wrong. It isn't us , it's them . You can have a happy life. Please take the opportunity to get it. Don't let him control you.
An explanation of the bruises.
The woman in the hospital doesn't matter - if it turned out she was lying, would that change anything? (Answer: It wouldn't.) And given that he spent weeks lying to your face about his affair with Lily, why would his word be worth anything when it comes to another affair?
the fact that this lying, manipulative, sick piece of *** is holding on to you and trying to stay with you, instead of letting you go and have the life you deserve makes me sick. i want to rip his f-ing face off.
he's willing to confront the lady in front of you? will it be like the message from his "supervisor" about the complaint he filed?
he is a sick, awful man. please don't let him keep hurting you.