Important Update: Calorie Count will be shutting down on March 15th. Please click here to read the announcement. Data export is available.
The Lounge
Moderators: Mollybygolly, spoiled_candy, nomoreexcuses, peaches0405


Someone remind me why I still have to be nice to my parents?


Quote  |  Reply

1. after assuring me all my life that they'd pay for my college and I shouldn't save money for it, and me choosing a school which gave me a full ride to make it easier on them, I just took out a 5k loan this summer to pay for a single summer class not covered by my full ride.   The class did not cost the entire 5k, so I didn't know why they wanted me to take out such a large loan. After I do it, my parents have decided that the rest of it will go to cover my living expenses.  For the clever of you, this means that I'm supporting myself entirely now and going into debt like ever other college student.

2. without asking me, they have each separately booked a trip out to see me, lasting at least 4 days each, with no regard to my convenience. 

3. Originally both assumed that they could (each - at separate times) bunk with me and my 2 roommates (my parents are 55+ years old) however I convinced my dad that he can't (more like he kept telling me he could and finally all HIS friends back home who he complained to were like "that is SO weird, what's wrong with you?")

4. So now my mom is coming down for the sole purpose of annoying me and dictating what type of bed I get (this has become a huge issue and because of their idiocy I'm not going to have one for a week when we move in) 5 days after me and my friends move into what was supposed to be our "yay-freedom!" apartment.  She IS still staying with us - and I had to awkwardly tell my roommates that there wasn't anything I could do about it.

5. they have also booked my return flight for the winter already - for an ENTIRE MONTH, disregarding the fact that I'm going to be WORKING in a lab that I desperately need to stay in for my resume and grad school apps.  I am still trying to figure out when I'm going to tell them that they wasted their money and I will only be coming home for 2 weeks at most.

6. Today they shot down all three of my ideas for a birthday present, even the one which doesn't cost them any money.  The ideas were

 A) changes in our cell phone plan which would switch networks so that for the same price as we pay now, I could get internet on my phone & get an android

B) a cheap elliptical off craigslist

C) a (used-refurbished) desktop computer that I really need because my netbook is not capable of handling all the things I need to do and the laptop they bought me 5 years ago in high school is finally on death's door.

You can see how low my expectations already were by the fact that I only asked them for zero-money or used options.  I knew the cell phone was my best bet, costing them zero money, but for some reason my dad is shooting that one down too.  Afraid of change I guess, or just doesn't want me to have internet on my phone because he deems it "useless."

 

..... someone please tell me why I'm allowing my mom to sleep on an airbed in my apartment while I sleep on the floor?  I only have 10 days to find a reason so that I don't go absolutely mad and just scream incoherently until she leaves.  The bonus is that it's only 10 days after that until my birthday - when I will be receiving nothing from them!

98 Replies (last)
You don't have to be nice to your parents. You can be a complete whiny, entitled, spoiled **** to them if you want to.

They also don't have to buy you anything else, ever. They don't have to spend any of their time with you in which case they'd never have to sit through one of your presentations on the things you want them to do or buy for you.

Both you and your parents have choices about how to spend your time and how to spend the money that each of you earns. Cell phone, lap top, airline tickets home...yeah, how can your parents be so brutal to you?

There are a great many college students who would appreciate their families' interest, attention, help, and love.

I guess the only advice I have would be not to take the people who love you for granted. Someday they'll be gone and you'll want to know in your heart that you were good to them.

Tough breaks...parents that want to spend time with you, pay for your schooling, and fly you home.

Yes, they should have checked with you regarding your schedule for Christmas, but other than that, sounds like it could be worse- no way home, no help with school costs, no cell phone that's covered by mom and dad...

As for your mom sleeping on the mattress while you sleep on the floor, I have my in-laws here every Christmas for a few days, and my husband and I gladly let them use our bed and we curl up on the living room furniture. Because we love them and (we try to be) courteous hosts.

Maybe it's one of those things about gaining/proving independence?... Although if that's the case, it shouldn't be gained on their penny.

Please realize how good you actually have it, ok?

thank you, tealparadise, for reminding me how glad i am that i don't have kids.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

thank you, tealparadise, for reminding me how glad i am that i don't have kids.

Not every child is this spoiled-rotten and selfish to the core. Trust me.

They aren't paying for my schooling, that's the point.  They aren't paying for anything except for their own trips out to see me (which I don't really have a desire for) and for me to come home (which I don't have time for), and a cell phone, which IS nice I agree.

If I was living alone or with relatives, there wouldn't be a problem with them staying here.  I'm living with 2 girls who don't know them.

I'm just really frustrated I guess.  I don't want to see my mom in 10 days, I'm dreading this.

EDIT:  and the trips out to see me always include a visit to Vegas or Sedona for them, so it's not like they are inconveniencing themselves to see me.  They take a vacation every time, while I try desperately to catch up on the school work they make me miss.  I don't know.  Reading back it sounds whiney but this is how I feel.  I don't have the child-connection with them on my end anymore, so it seems like all they do is take take take my time, money, and chances for improving my own life; all they give back is emotional stress and orders to obey, even though I'm an "adult" in the sense that I'm self-sufficient and they are not contributing to my life.

Original Post by tealparadise:

I'm just really frustrated I guess.  I don't want to see my mom in 10 days, I'm dreading this.

Be thankful that you have a mother who loves you and wants to see you. It is blowing my mind that you are complaining about your parents who obviously care the world for you.

Think about all the kids in the world who have deadbeat parents, or are abandoned by their parents and live in foster homes and are orphans. It's sad that you can't see how lucky you really are.

I feel bad for your parents. I can only imagine how you treat them.

Original Post by tealparadise:

they are not contributing to my life.

This is where you are totally wrong.

Original Post by roxysparkles:

Original Post by tealparadise:

I'm just really frustrated I guess.  I don't want to see my mom in 10 days, I'm dreading this.

Be thankful that you have a mother who loves you and wants to see you. It is blowing my mind that you are complaining about your parents who obviously care the world for you.

Think about all the kids in the world who have deadbeat parents, or are abandoned by their parents and live in foster homes and are orphans. It's sad that you can't see how lucky you really are.

I feel bad for your parents. I can only imagine how you treat them.

 Oh I completely clamp down the bitchiness - it only comes out on LJ generally.  Until there's an issue which I simply can't bend to their will on - like these plane tickets are going to be - where I just break down and start crying and then my mom will start crying and everything will be awful.

I know there are tons of people without parents - I'm one of them until they want to reaffirm their hold on me and prove that they're still in control.  I'm too old for this *creaky bones*.

Original Post by roxysparkles:

Original Post by tealparadise:

they are not contributing to my life.

This is where you are totally wrong.

 please tell me how?  That's why I worded the thread title as a question.

If your parents are not paying for you, are they still claiming you as a dependent on their taxes? If they are, get them to put you down as a dependent. That will make you eligible for more financial aid and grants.

And if you are paying rent for your apartment, you have a right to tell your parents that X month and X day is not good for you. Part of getting your parents to treat you like an adult is to act like one.

 

Original Post by spirochete:

The contents of this quotation have been previously moderated and therefore can not be displayed.

I ? you Spiro.

Edited Jul 25 2010 12:20 by nomoreexcuses
Reason: Quotation of deleted post

Wow.  Just wow.

Original Post by crazineko:

Wow.  Just wow.

Yeah.....

...You're sleeping on the floor because the alternative is making your 55 year old mother sleep on the floor. I'm also in school right now, and when my mom visits I sleep on the couch. It's cute that you're "allowing" her to sleep on the air mattress though. I kind of get being annoyed by her not asking when a visit would be convenient for you, but you did at least get over a week's notice.

Who is paying for the new bed by the way? Because if you are, you can get whatever the hell you want. But if it's on their dime, she has a right to "annoy" you and dictate what you get.

Original Post by tealparadise:

This is where you are totally wrong.

 please tell me how?  That's why I worded the thread title as a question.

They love you. They want to see you. They care for you. They support you - maybe not financially as of late, but most certainly morally. It's really sad you can't see all of this. Just because they won't buy the poor-wittle-pwincess a used elliptical doesn't mean you need to fly off the handle and act like a spoiled brat.

Original Post by muttlover:

If your parents are not paying for you, are they still claiming you as a dependent on their taxes? If they are, get them to put you down as a dependent. That will make you eligible for more financial aid and grants.

And if you are paying rent for your apartment, you have a right to tell your parents that X month and X day is not good for you. Part of getting your parents to treat you like an adult is to act like one.

 They are still claiming me, I know this because I asked whether I could ever claim resident so that I wouldn't have to take out anymore loans due to the huge drop in tuition, and they said I can't have residency as long as they claim me.  I get plenty of aid, it's not an issue of getting through, it's an issue of a promise they made to me, and the fact that I tried to help them and they still went back on it.

At least I told my dad that.  Well I told him that a nearly-60-man staying on college-girl's couches was weird.  Well I told my mom to tell him, because I knew he'd just trample over me and start screaming.... hmm, maybe I'm not an adult lol.

ya think?

Original Post by tealparadise:

it's an issue of a promise they made to me, and the fact that I tried to help them and they still went back on it.

Maybe they ran into financial hardships... ya know, like a lot of people lately. Maybe they had your college money in stocks/bonds and they ended up losing a lot of money due to the economy. Sh't happens, ok? My husband just got laid off, and now we can't pay our mortgage.

Think about this - and this is what I always tell myself when I get into the "awww poor little me" funk when something negative happens in my life, IT COULD BE WORSE.

Original Post by starrkate:

...You're sleeping on the floor because the alternative is making your 55 year old mother sleep on the floor. I'm also in school right now, and when my mom visits I sleep on the couch. It's cute that you're "allowing" her to sleep on the air mattress though. I kind of get being annoyed by her not asking when a visit would be convenient for you, but you did at least get over a week's notice.

Who is paying for the new bed by the way? Because if you are, you can get whatever the hell you want. But if it's on their dime, she has a right to "annoy" you and dictate what you get.

 I am paying for it using my loan money.  And I don't have a bed for her or she could sleep on it, which is her and my dad's fault.  The other option is her staying in a hotel so that we can get settled into the apartment.  I'm not even going to be there during the day due to her coming during finals week for my class.  So my roommates are stuck with my mom.

98 Replies (last)
Advertisement