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Do nice guys finish last?

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 For all intensive purposes I'm more or less a nice a guy. I listen to peoples problems, give advice in life, remember things about people, do nice things, and joke around a lot. I'm friends with most everyone and a lot of people like me (Meaning popular). Despite this I've never had a girlfriend and all the guys who aren't like me A.K.A. jerks, seem to get all the girls. Recently my mom was even telling me how her brother in high schools had girls chase them harder when they were more like jerks and that she wanted guys more like that. I ask you, why is that. Why does it seem that nice guys truly finish last?

EDIT: I do have a very good sense of humor and like I said I joke all the time. I'm always making people laugh. I usually don't take myself too seriously anymore and will laugh at all the things I do, escpeically because I'm a klutz. The only time I'm not working on making people laugh is in serious conversations and when I'm concentrating on school work.

EDIT EDIT: I was anorexic last year and that may have a wee bit to do with it. Anorexic people don't exactly feel good about themselves so this whole persona is new to me. Also I have pretty good social senses but horrible flirt senses.

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Read Leviathan by Hobbes.  Women are a scarce resource, my friend.  If you want to win the game, you've got to be in the game. :D

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Awww, no! Stay nice.

I think it depends on the girl. I'm definitely attracted to sweet guys, and I know a lot of other girls that are too.

My brother has always been sweet and sensitive. He's a big mush. He has no problem getting girls. The only problem is, some of the girls he's with can be a bit controlling. I put them in their place though...

Don't worry, you'll find someone who suits you. I'm sure you're attracting girls and you're not even aware of it.

it depends on the girl. in my personal experience, most "nice" guys are... boring. i tend to like people who are more edgy and sometimes that means a little jerkish. also, alot of nice guys seem to just try too hard, which is irritating. that's just my own opinion though.

I like nice men.  I do not appreciate **** or men who have yet to grow up.  Having said that, men still need to have sufficient interest to ask me out before I'll go on a date with them.  Men who have nothing in common with me, however nice they might be, will have a hard time getting to know me.  Since I'm single and flirt a lot with a variety of different men, it may appear that I'm hanging out with guys who can be jerks, but until they prove that they're jerks, there's no reason for me not to talk to them, it's just talking.

My husband is a nice guy.  He was always so sensitive and caring whenever I had issues when we were dating, and I had a lot.  One day I was stranded at work (my ride bailed at the last minute) and he raced for 45 minutes from his house to my job to pick me up, took me a few blocks over to the mall, treated me to dinner and a movie before taking me home.  I thought that was a rare special thing he did, but he does that sort of stuff for me all the time.

He's always the first to jump in and help, whether he's asked to or not.  Even my work projects, he's a big part of them and no he does not work with me.  He is the text book example of a nice guy, plus a whole lot more.  He did not finish last.

He was 21 when he met me, working in at a **** fast food job while going to school and living in his mother's basement.  Now he's 23, married, doesn't have to work yet has expendable money, and lives happily in a home with his hot wife.  :D  He's in a position that makes a lot of other guys, especially guys he went to school with who used to tease him for being so "different".

Nice guys don't always finish last, honey.  I guarantee you every bad-ass I went to school with is either single and miserable, or with someone and miserable.

"For all intensive purposes...", sorry to get off topic for a moment, but the correct phrase is "for all intents and purposes..."


I have no idea why anyone would date a jerk.  Who strives to date jerks? That would make no sense

In my expierences the "nice guys" were always too shy to come up and talk to me, it was the more edgy, "dangerous" bad boy types that would come up and talk to me. I personally like a man who can take charge and be a little dangerous, be a rebel. I love the idea of jumping on a guys harley and just going wherever the hell we feel like. I have dated a few nice guys and while it was okay, it seemed like I was always the one to initiate everything, I'm fine with being in charge every once in a while but I want my man to take charge too! I've also noticed like someone else mentioned, the nice guys seem to try too hard...the nice guys that I dated tended to get nervous around me or they would go all out  totally elaborate and make huge deals about small things, and while it was okay at first, it got a little tiring after a while. I mean roses and candy on my birthday or on an anniversary is fine, but roses or candy for every weeks anniversary was a little too over the top.

But just be who you are...I have dated nice guys, bad boys and jerks...not all bad boys are jerks though...and sometimes a girl needs to expierence a relationship with a jerk to appreciate a nice guy. Different girls like different things and you will find an amazing girl who loves you for exectly who you are...don't change or try to be something you aren't.

Definitely don't fake being something you aren't, most women can smell a phony a mile away.  The mean ones will take advantage of you while the nice ones will avoid you.

My recommendation is to go somewhere where there are women and get sufficient exposure to them that you feel comfortable around them.  A class in cooking, art, dancing, something with a social excuse so that you can talk to women without having to feel awkward.  Then when you do find a girl that you can really go for (the most beautiful or prettiest one is often not the best choice, you'll be amazed at how women sparkle when you do talk to them), you'll be comfortable enough to approach her.

I'm known for my love of dorks and nerds because inside that's how I feel.  However, that said, I always end up with the pretty jerk boys because those are the guys that ask me out for my "interesting" looks! haha

My sisters bf is a jock boy type and when he asked what kind of guy I liked and I said NERD nice boys, he said no way would any guy like that ask me out.  I've dated a few nice boys and each time I had to pursue them.

Nuff said, yes you need to get in the game, the game of asking and putting yourself out there, nobody meets their soul mate at home watching tv.  You'll be surprised what girls are out there hoping you will ask them out.

well depends.

Are you a nice guy because you don't have balls to just go ahead and get what you want/afraid?

OR are you a genuine nice guy?

Thing about nice guys are though it's just that girls register them as friends very often and you fall into their "oh he's just a friend" zone. And also since there's no chase involved (girls really like this for some reason, I don't even know) they don't feel the need to go after you. You just need to mix nice/hard to get.


And nice guys don't take initiatives because they are afraid. Boo.


And good looks will help too LOL. Start dressing up :)

Original Post by naruelle:

And nice guys don't take initiatives because they are afraid. Boo.

 I dont know, thats easy to say from a female point of view. But how does being born with a penis bestow a greater sense of worth to a person?

I guess, in older generations thats an easy one (because society said so! men were better than females, it was just common knowledge...which means its the mens duty to take what they want...or at the very least, it gave men a greater sense of confidence knowing that society told them they were better).

But in newer generations, with genders wanting to be equal...well... men arent able to be as free with their "desires" as they were before.

Day after day you hear cases of blown out of proportion sexual harrassment (so, can guys hit on women at the work place? not if you arent REALLY sure it will go over well!). And then you have a lot of confusion being formed from the differing women parties (some love it if you "treat her like a lady", while others will just get pissed off because "they can open their own doors").

But beyond that, rejection isnt pleasant for anyone (penis or no). So unless the woman is obviously inviting a man over (which can very often be unnoticed)... its a lot easier to just continuing on with normal life than trying to "pick up chicks" wherever you go.

well I'm more saying that because he's complaining about how he doesn't get girlfriends... You have to make a initiative if something's to happen. :/ alot of nice guys don't, so I'm just commenting on it. If a girl was complaining about the same problem, I would say the same thing.

I have an analogy to share on this, which is food themed, how ironic!

Men are like bread and cake.


Staple diet, nice and hearty but bread on it's own can sometimes get a little stale if left out, or pappy and soft in the middle. You can pep it up with a filling, make a sandwich, but the essential ingredients are quite dull and do not make for a healthy diet, nor does it jump out at you on the shelves in the supermarket.

Bread guy - he's always there, loyal, friendly, reliable, but predictable, you know the type.

On the other hand there's


Naughty but nice! So many flavours to choose from, icing, cream, sprinkles etc.

But, too much cake can make you fat or you cant have it too often?! Yet it will always draw you in at the store with it's nice packaging ;-P

Cake guy - he doesn't call or text, keeps you waiting, mucks you around, the one's we get addicted to.

I'd just like to say I DO try not to slot people into such narrow pigeon holes, but in my experiences there's very few muffins (a happy medium between the bready products) in the world. I.E a great mix of the two! A guy who's reliable, honest, yet quirky, attractive, mix of naughty and nice, spontaneous etc.

I've had bread, got bored.

I've had cake. With one right now in fact. Pah. It's doomed! lol

Here we go again...

OK, from my experience, nice guys don't finish last (I consider myself a nice guy, and I'm happily married.) but they DO have to wise up and learn how to catch a girl's eye.

And, honestly, from my experience, girls need to wise up too. From my experience (and reading some of these posts, I see this), the suggestion that girls would prefer 'bad' boys DOES have a few grains of truth in it. Luckily, most girls grow out of this phase, which is how I managed to get married. :) (Wife did chase a few people she couldn't get, then she wised up and found me. She'd probably even agree to this assessment.)

Part of it's just experience. Date a little and learn about love and loss and what sort of partner actually works for you.

Develop your personality a little bit. Learn to let the best of yourself shine forth so others can see and learn to work on your worst parts. Try to be the best you that you can be.

Mostly, though, I just suggest LIVING. Wisdom and Experience are the cure for all sorts of social maladies.

no.. i prefer nice guys. i don't like jerks. there are just too many jerks and not enough nice guys.

I think it's because nice guys don't normally go after the girl. 

But I married a nice guy (or so I thought) and now I have a jerk.  He was so nice and attentive when we first got together.  Now that we have kids, whole different ball game.

i personally don't want a guy who i feel i can run over. i want to feel like if i'm overstepping my boundaries my guy will be able to check me and i respect him for it vs letting me treat him any ol' type of way and say/do nothing about it.

my current bf is very sweet, sensitve, and sappy. he calls me emotionally detached, lol. but at the same time if he feels like i'm mistreating him or overstepping he will not hesitate to put me in my place and i totally respect that about him.

i believe that women want a combination of the bad boy/nice guy, that way you get the best of both worlds Smile

What are your expectations, Z? Do you harbor an ideal list of qualitites in a woman? Do you look for perfect women in imperfect places and situations? Do you hold the women you meet to some internal standard of beauty and desirability?

There are lots (and lots) of 'nice' girls out there, with hearts full of love and an ability to make you happy - the question is are they the girls you want?



as one of my good "nice guy" friends always says "nice guys don't always finish last, they're the first cast aside everytime!" haha sorry that's really not helpful.

I'll never understand why women chase jerky guys so often..... and I happen to be one that has done it over and over in the past.  Maybe (at least I know a little in my case) we don't feel as if we deserve such nice guys?? or it plays into the whole wanting what you can't have, thrill of the chase thing??  Maybe the little bit of jerk attitude keeps a girl guessing, and she likes the "not knowing what to expect" feeling.  I still don't understand why i did it.  But i will say my current BF is a very nice mixture of the two, so it seems i haven't really stopped.

Also I agree with daughtry that the nice guys aren't always the ones that come up and talk to girls.  The only reason I met nice guy friend stated above was because I approached him, and he was quite shocked by the whole thing.

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