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How can I motivate my son

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This is my first time doing this. It seems less embarrassing to ask for advice from people in the lounge than from my friends.

My son is 23 years old with two boys.  They all stay with me rent free.  My son does not want to go to work or to school. I wash their clothes, get off work cook dinner and clean.

The problem is that his car that I gave him is broke and he has no transportation.  He is frustrated that I won't let him use my car or give him money to fix his.

I don't want to apologize because I have done nothing wrong, however it hurts that he has not spoken to me in a week.

What can I do to motivate him?

25 Replies (last)

Sorry if this comes off as harsh, but it's called tough love.  He's 23, not working, doesn't want a job, and living rent free???  You're an enabler. As long as you let him live with you rent free, he will continue to do so.  Be a parent and kick is butt out.  Set a time table for him to get a job and find his own place to live.  Be supportive and let him know you'll help out where you can watching his kids, but you need to be firm on you expectations on when he is to move out. 

Maybe he's depressed.

I'm 25 and still live at home with my parents. I also don't pay rent.

However, I don't have kids and I work full time. I also do my own laundry, cook my own meals (sometimes even cook meals for my parents), and clean up after myself.

It's obvious you're just being a loving mama, but you need to find balance.
He should be taking care of himself and his children. BUT if you want to cook him a meal occasionally or help him out here and there, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Don't let him take advantage of your kindness though!!!

Man I'm 23 and live with my parents, but I pay rent, have a part time job and am always applying for more jobs, do all of the cleaning, most of the cooking and as many extra chores as my parents can think of. Your kid is walking all over you! He should Want to help you out! And you should want to kick him out. My parents would kick me out if I was doing that. Give him a deadline to sort his life out. 

Perhaps you might want to question your own motivation for doing these things for him.  At times I catch myself doing things for my son that he should be doing for himself.  When I take a look at it, I usually come to the realization that it makes me "feel good" but it's at the expense of his independence and personal growth.  That's not something I want for him or his future- nor mine for that matter. 


25 Replies (last)