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Men Confuse Me! ADVICE NEEDED!

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Why do men have to be so damn confusing? So, I really need input/advice here...

I've known this guy, Kevin, for about 3 months. My good friend Sara is dating his brother, Ryan. I've known Sara for about a years through work and we're very good friends, she's been with Ryan for about 6 months. Got it? Haha, sorry if it's confusing... so anyways, I met Kevin 3 months or so ago, and oddly enough, it was because he had gotten my number from Sara, the 4 of us haven't really hung out much, usually just Kevin and I. I must also note that he is leaving for New York for school this fall (We're from MI). So, the first night we meet, we kiss, and we got along really well, he just seemed like he wasn't really my type, so I figured "Okay, he's cute, but I'll just be his friend." Well, time goes by and we hang out more and more, he calls me a good amount - actually more than I call him, and at some point about a month ago, it was almost annoying. It wasn't that I was playing hard to get, I was just busy and he wasn't my first priority. I think this made him like me more, like I was someone who didn't just fall over him - I guess he has a lot of female friends who are clingy. So it always seemed like he was very interested, and he even told me if he wasn't leaving, he'd date me, but "why bother, since I'll be going, I don't want us to get hurt." So at first, I was fine with that. But then, we started going out a lot, and kept kissing everytime, and even did cute "couple" things like holding hands, snuggling, playing with eachothers hairs, etc. So of course, I started having feelings for him, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same. We have the "I wish we could date" talks and stuff... So this last weekend, it seemed like we acted more couple-y than ever. He even introduced me to his family and acted very touchy feely in front of them. His family, some of whom I met before then, really seemed to like me and I know before this they had asked why he wasn't dating me. Everything was great and I envisioned that we would actually be dating soon. FLASH FORWARD TO TODAY!: I gave him a call earlier, and he seemed distracted, he said he was doing some paper work. Then he put me on hold for call waiting, and the line got disconnected, and he didn't call back! So I called him back and it was fine.. we talked another 10 minutes or so (When he calls me, normally we're on the phone for over an hour), then he said he needed to go get work done. So, I say "Okay, hopefully we can get together this week." thinking he'll respond with something like 'Definitely, I'll call you soon' like he normally does, but instead, he says in a less than casual tone, "Probably... I'm pretty busy this week but I'll let you know for sure."

Ummm.. what the hell? Why would he go from constantly pursuing me and us being so close, to me basically being blown off? Maybe I'm overanalyzing... but I just don't get it. Sorry this was so long, but I'm just so lost! Please help!
14 Replies (last)
Quite possibly he did have something pressing to deal with today.  You never know.
I'm sorry this happened to you, I would be confused too.  My advice to you is to back off.  Let him call you and when he ask where you have been, tell him you've were giving him time and space to remember he likes you!  When he replies with what does that mean... tel him that he hurt you and whatever else you feel.

Much success!
maybe this weekend scared him a bit cos he might be realising how deeps hes getting and if hes moving he might be scared of taking things further
I see two scenarios:

1) He really WAS busy. This does occasionally happen.

2) He doesn't want to get too involved because he knows he's leaving soon and he doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of an LDR.
Did you only become interested in him after you two started being more physical with each other?

You might analyze whether you really ARE interested in him.  Physical touch can do a number on you and make you think you want him, when really you're just craving the physical contact.

Just an idea.

You could always ask him what he wants and clear it all up.
You should never be confused by a man because we are so simple. Just remember these two things and you will do well!!!



Now you know the secret to us men!!!
I was thinking what raggydoll said.  You discussed not dating b/c he's leaving but you grew to a point where you're all "couple-y" & he's afraid of both of you getting hurt so he's trying to put the relationship back into friendship mode.

You might want to try to get him to communicate this, or whatever the truth may be, to you.  Good luck with that - I hope it's not like pulling teeth!

Good luck with all of it.
Thanks so much all! I am planning on bringing it up to him soon. Matter of fact is, I'm very emotionally open - I just say what I'm feeling, so I'm just going to say I like him, and I believe it's worth giving it a shot. After all, what relationship isn't a risk?
In response to logman, I'm 1000% sure there's more to my boyfriend than alcohol and boobs. For one, he gets very annoyed when I bitch at him, and very happy when I am nice, even if he's consuming alcohol and looking at my boobs at that time. So clearly, men do have other interests besides being drunk and looking at/touching(etc.) pretty objects.

Also, I guess this is a worst case senario, but I felt like it had to be said:

Maybe he only likes you when you play hard to get. Some people are only interested in the chase, and once they know you like them back, they lose interest. Especially since you said he was pursuing you while you weren't that interested or weren't putting in much effort, this seems possible.

Of course, it's more likely to be something less extreme than this, like he really is just busy, but I wanted to put this idea out there, since I didn't see it written yet.
Well of course there is more to men than what was stated, but those are the two main factors that women need to focus on!! WOW.........does losing weight also mean losing the sense of humor?? It doesn't with me!!!
lol, I disagree with you again on that being the main focus. Of course,  I think the main focus should be something a little too explicit to write here.

And no, I have not "lost" any sense of humor that I previously had. I wasn't saying that to spark an argument, I just don't like when people try to simplify men (or women for that matter), because most assumptions are so false. For instance, there are guys who don't like to drink, and prefer other body parts.
Men are a bit like elastic (rubber)  bands. They stretch far away...but they come pinging back to you once they've stretched so far.
In other words, they connect with you, then they need a bit of space, then they come back and connect with you again, etc.
Can you tell I read a lot of 'relationship psychology' books?!
My bf is very deep and emotional  but he's still a beer/boobs guy!
Hope this helps.
Whoa, I just had a really weird experience reading your post. Sorry, this is in no way going to help with your question... The brothers you mentioned, are they twins? Because that will be a creepy coincidence XD Since I knew twins with those names (and your Kevin matches the personality of the one I knew), and I'm from MI as well.
I think a LOT of times wires get crossed and the woman is thinking things are headed in one direction and the man thinks it's going in another direction (that is, no direction) (or vice versa man to woman). It sounds like he already made it clear that he doesn't want a committed relationship since he'll be leaving. Either he doesn't want to deal with long distance or he wants to be available to date when he gets to NY.

I actually had a friend in a similar situation; she decided to go for it and make a move and they are now a couple. They're both going off to school in the fall but so far it's not a problem for them -- plus their schools aren't far away from each other.

All that said, I suppose it's best to straight up ask the guy whatever's on your mind rather than speculate. Everybody will have a different opinion. I do think he's being rather aloof and evasive for a reason though. People don't get disconnected and just not call back. If you're not officially dating yet why kiss him? Maybe I'm just old fashioned? In my opinion if he's getting a little girlfriend action without having the actual girfriend, then it makes sense why he's not "officially" wanting to date you. Kinda the ole "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" theory.
14 Replies