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What to do about living with messy people

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I live in a residence hall in a flat with 4 other girls. 3 of them always leave the kitchen in a bad state. I have asked them many times to clean up after themselves, and they only seem to do it if I literally yell at them, which I hate doing. It got a little better for about a month, and now it is much worse than it was before. I went home for a few days, before I went, I made sure I cleaned up all of my dishes and tidied up the kitchen a bit. When I returned, there wasn't a single pot or pan clean, no bowls and only 2 plates. Of course, I threw fit and banged on their doors and to tell them to clean up their mess so I could eat. One of the girls apologised and went to the kitchen right away, the other wasn't home, and the other had the nerve to say that she was busy and couldn't do it like she is only one that has work and deadlines. It made me only more angry. Now I keep all of my plates, pots, etc in my room so I can cook anyway. They come for the monthly inspections tomorrow, I told one of the messy girls about it and she said that "you (meaning me) should help me clean the kitchen." I said it isn't my mess and I have work to do so I am not going help. I am just fed up of cleaning up after others, they are all 23 years old so they should know better and I am not their mother or the cleaning lady and I have more than enough of cleaning up after them. I have reported the problem to the residence hall more than once, but they don't really seem to care.

So to my problem with food. Even though I do have my dishes clean now when I am ready to cook but it is so dirty sometimes in there that I get disgusted by the thought of cooking and anything I am going to eat to touch the surfaces of the kitchen so I just dig something out of the freezer or fruit or eat canned veggies or go to the sandwich shop around the corner so I don't eat as well as I would like to and sometimes fall behind in my calories. Any thoughts of stuff I could just prepare in my room and put in the microwave so I don't have be in the filthy kitchen or any other suggestions of how to deal with this situation?

Edited Mar 18 2008 01:01 by Mollybygolly
Reason: Moving from Motivation to The Lounge
10 Replies (last)

I know how you feel, I've been through similar situations, and have heard horror stories from my friends.

You have told them hundreds of times and they don't get it.  So no matter what, it prolly won't get better.  How much time do you have left there, not even two months?  I would say, keep doing what you are doing, keep your dishes and stuff in your own room.  At the end of the year, when it's moving out time, then clean up no matter what since you don't want to have to pay damage charges. 

Just try to put up with it as best you can, eat lots of fruits and veggies (they require no dishes), low fat yogurt, lean cuisines if you like them, and learn from this situation.  Never live with pple who you haven't seen their place before. 

I made that mistake, this girl I was really close with, I used to go to her place, and it was always messing.  She blamed it on the other guys she lived with.  However, when we moved in together, I realized that she was just as bad as those guys.

I would probably start piling dirty dishes in their bedrooms, but I suppose that doesn't really fix the problem.

If this were a big enough problem, I'd probably start looking for new roomies at the end of the semester.

In the meantime, maybe call a house meeting to discuss the problem?

=^..^= MOLLY

OMG!!  My neice went through the same exact thing, and she said it was like living in a condemed house!!  (she showed me pics.. eww! lol)

... what she did was:

she took pictures of the two girls hanging out on the couch covered in trash (literally) and pictures of them digging through crap in the kitchen looking for something... ANYWAYS... she put captions on the pictures and put them on the bulliton board in the dorms and welcomed all and anyone who'd like to take a look at how her room mates were making her live! HA! she told me that they were sooooo embarassed... and from that moment on, they picked up after themselves  :)
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I know what you're going through. I went through something 100x worse last year.

I lived with 3 guys. They went weeks without cleaning anything. There would routinely be dozens of beer bottles left on the floor for weeks at a time, same thing with pizza boxes; they basically used the floor as a garbage can. The sink would always be full of dirty dishes, and occasionally the garbage disposal would get jammed due to a beer bottle cap getting stuck in it. I think at one point they let it go 2 months without even taking out the garbage.

No one would clean the bathroom, ever. There were times it got so bad I couldn't even use the bathroom in my apartment (provided some extra incentive to go the gym!).

Reasoning with them was impossible, so I eventually gave up. When I moved out, I only cleaned my room. I lost 1/4 of my security deposit because the apartment looked totally ransacked. 

I hated living with room mates in college so much, after I graduated, I swore I'd never have another room mate unless it was also my boyfriend.  Okay, I used to have a bad habit of leaving tomato seeds on the counter after cutting them and leaving half empty coffee cups in the bathrooms / bedrooms - and I STILL HAVE THOSE SAME BAD HABITS, LMAO!! But I have to live with myself now.

I once dated a guy who was SUCH A SLOB, the first time I went over to his house was the time I also told him I could no longer come over to his house to visit him.  It was that bad!!!  He said he even cleaned up for me... there was an inch of dust all over everything, cat hair and dog hair all over everything, a cockroach was in the oven when I opened it.  I ended up cleaning his kitchen just to make dinner for us and I was so disgusted by the cockroach and the broiler pan that he used over and over and over again to cook meat but never cleaned it in between.  He had about a dozen remote controls covered in dust from all the electronics over the years that no longer even existed in his house.  There were perma stains on the linoleum from piles of pizza cartons that would just pile up (he had removed them prior to my visit, part of the clean up!)  I could go on, but it was  just so awful and I know I probably hurt his feelings but he needed some form of intervention and I was'nt about to start cleaning up for him.  We talked about getting Merry Maids into the house and getting rid of a bunch of stuff from when his parents owned the house.  He also had two of those air purifiers and he told me that his doctor recommended he get them because of his allergies and I'm like HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOO there's a boat load of dog and cat hair in the house covering everything!! Ya think???

So messy men of the dorms!! The woman of your dreams could leave you over your habits!!   I just know that my tomato seedy kitchen counters and coffee cups in the bathroom must be why I never

ar-gyrion: I've had loads of roommates... all were a bunch of dirty messes. They're probably so used to their parents cleaning up after them that they have no idea what to do. haha

Like everyone else has said... keep your dishes in your room and just try to stick it out the last couple months.

I lived in a dorm my freshman year of college, and our communal kitchen was always a total mess.  I kept a small set of dishes in my room, and my pots and pans, a few knives, and a good sized cutting board.  That way, I could prep a meal on the cutting board on top of my desk, get everything in the pot and ready to go, and cook a meal without anything ever touching any of the kitchen surfaces. 

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Thanks for your suggestions.  I am a grad student as are they so I am might stuck with them until September.  I was told I might be able to move into another flat in the summer when the undergrads leaving and I have made the application to change rooms already.  I have lived in students housing for 8 years in total now and I haven't had problems this bad since I was a first year undergrad.  Though I do think a lot of the problem is that 2 of them even they are masters' students have never lived on their own and the other girl's family lives just 30 miles away so her mother comes and cleans up after her so she doesn't really seem to do it herself (and, yes, I said something to her mother about her daughter not cleaning up, but she seemed to ignore my comment).  I might get my own cutting board like medveditsa suggested because that means all I have to touch is the stove.

in my experience, student housing is rarely a bargain (though sometimes it's a convenience).  if i were you i'd make a complaint with the residence admin and start looking for my own place.

[i'm a grad student, too, and if i had to live that way, i'd never finish my thesis.  ever.  i live alone and have complete control over my environment.  except for the weather, which has surprisingly strong effects on my productivity!!]
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Original Post by pgeorgian:

in my experience, student housing is rarely a bargain (though sometimes it's a convenience). if i were you i'd make a complaint with the residence admin and start looking for my own place.

[i'm a grad student, too, and if i had to live that way, i'd never finish my thesis. ever. i live alone and have complete control over my environment. except for the weather, which has surprisingly strong effects on my productivity!!]

I wish I could live alone, to live in a flat on my own in this city and still be in walking distance of the university (2 miles or less) I would have to pay at least £450/$910 a month just for rent, no water, electricity, etc. and with as little funding I get, that is just too much. A lot of places won't rent to me because I am a "student" and because I am a foreigner so I would be lucky to get something at that range. I was showed a couple of places cheaper than that and applied for them because I could afford them and they were suddenly 'off the market' though when I looked site they were back up a week or two later. I can't live too far away because the public transport here is pretty useless, and I don't know how to drive and don't want to start learning on the left side of the road. I have made a complaint to the res admin and they warned the people but the problem is they can't really kick them out completely and there are no other flats free to move them to or move me to.

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