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Help! I need advice...Do all relationships have doubts?

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I have recently cheated on  my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years because of doubts.  I have had them for awhile but only now have acted on them.  We are on a break b/c I am trying to figure things out.  He is not only my boyfriend but is also my best friend and I miss him so much.  He has forgiven me and sent me numeruous things of flowers and keeps telling me how much he loves and misses me.  I am so confussed!

Does every relationship have those doubts that make you wonder whether or not there is someone else out there that might be better for you?

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Yes..and no.

For me, there have been those thoughts in every relationship I've been in, but those doubts come from me. If I have those doubts and they never go away, even in great moments in the relationship, I know that it's not meant to be.

In my current relationship (3 years as of 2 days ago hurray!), the doubts come and go, and only seem to nag at me when we're having problems/fights/big tiffs with one another. I've come to realize it's not that he's not right for me, or good enough, or that I'm wondering if there's someone else out there....

I'm simply hating the arguments and looking for the easiest way out.

Are you doubting the relationship itself, your boyfriend, or are you trying to escape something that doesn't feel right?

Really look into WHY you let yourself cheat. I cheated in the past on a boyfriend, and looking back I realize it was insecurities in myself that came from me letting myself become codependent on him, and him enjoying that and feeding into it (I lost all self esteem, and he worked to make sure it stayed that way).

Analyze yourself. It'll help.

Nasuoni , thank you.  I am very similar in the way that the doubts are more strong when we are having problems and I dont take the time to realize that every relationship has its ups and downs.  When I cheated it was almost like an adrenaline rush b/c here was this cute guy who was showing me attention and it was a nice change from my normal life.  I need to gain better self esteem and I am working on that but that is a problem I have dealt with my entire life. We have both allowed ourselves to become very codependant on each other and that has caused some of the tension.

Thanks again for the words of wisdom =)

Codependency is a nasty thing.
If you get back together with your boyfriend, I would advise that you each spend at least one or two night out with friends each week, and at least one night just for yourself, doing something you enjoy, alone.

You need to really like YOU before you can be strong in a relationship. It's tough, and I still struggle with it two years after I was told and finally admitted I am codependent.

i hate codependency too.. and its hard hard ,, to get out of,  i am still with the one for 21 years now. and finally getting to do for myself, i wish i could be single and live on my own with a career or just a good job i like. in a beautiful place, with out all the hassle i have to go thru because i am codenpendency. .. its hard .. but i see so many that have relationships that are so beautiful and they really love each other, like they are soul mates.. they really seem to enjoy being with one another, where is in mine, rarely good times together .. one thing i can say looking back , if i was to ever find a different person , i will diffently find someone who really loves to do the things i like, and make sure we like most of the same things together. of course they dont have to like every single thing. but it would help if they was health conscious and liked to exercise. yah now hahaa.. well, i just wanted to add a few things since i have been thru the  same thing .. but with this one i stayed. for other reasons.. not pregancey or kids .. just didnt have the courage to leave. and still dont, but i am really working on that. one day at a time.

good luck.Kiss

4 Replies