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So heartbroken I want to die

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I know this has been done to death, but I can't even begin to deal with the enormous grief I feel over my recent breakup. I was engaged to him for 9 months and we were together 4 years. We've been through so much together, and he treated my daughter (not his) and me so well. HE did the laundry and paid my car payment and helped me out. But it just didn't feel right. He could be very vain and I didn't 100% trust everything he said. Also, we live an hour and a half apart and I feel like he didn't necessarily want to make it a priority to spend time with me and my daughter (like he did, out of obligation). But he loved me...he gave me daily compliments and sweet text messages just because.

Now I feel so miserable. I can't stop breaking into sobs (my daughter is at my mom's right now) and just generally feeling like I'm trapped in an abyss. I feel like I'll never meet anyone that "feels right" for me and my daughter. It's not so much I miss him -although I do, he was my absolute best friend and only person for support- it's just this crazy fear of making a mistake, that maybe I shouldn't be so picky.

I feel so awful. I guess I just wanted to have someone tell me it's going to be OK. That I'll survive this somehow. Maybe share a personal story. So I don't feel so alone...

12 Replies (last)

I'm sorry.  It's going to be ok, and you're going to survive this.

It'll be easier to see the situation more clearly with a few years in the rearview.  You aren't making a mistake.  You know it isn't right, and you know there's something else out there you want to find.  This is a step in the right direction.

Good luck to you.

Oh, dear...

I just went through this two months ago. It STILL hurts, but honestly, it does get better. Right now, all you want to do is crawl up in a ball and die.

I do remember this piece of advice: If a guy is not willing to move mountains for you, he's not worth your tears. It's a blessing it's over before it moved onto marriage, trust me.

IT'S GOING TO HURT....JUST KNOW IT GETS BETTER> But, now, take care of yourself and do lots of taking from people who love you.

Blessings to you.


It will be okay and you will survive <3

Frankly, I think I'd miss him doing my laundry more than anything ;) 

I'd love to share my stories, but there are so many, there's just not enough room here.  Just know that I understand, and even though sometimes it's hard, you will survive this.  And even be a little smarter on the other side.  He's just freed you up to find that person that DOES want to spend time with you and your daughter.  Keep being picky, but also be open to opportunities.

Thoughts for strength and happiness coming your way :)

Oh sweety. I went through a bad breakup in my early 20's. I was madly in love. After only 4 months of dating we got an apartment together. 6 months later he lost his job. We decided he would go back to school while he collected unemployment. When that ran out he couldn't find a job and I was supporting both of us. 7 months and $7000 in debt later he finds a job and looks me right in the face and says "I haven't loved you in a long time. I was just waiting to get back on my feet to leave".

It took 2 years for the hurt to subside. 6 years later a girl hid the same to him that he did to me and I have love again.

This too shall pass

Wow, that's a pretty long term relationship.  Your recovery isn't going to happen overnight, or even quickly.  But it will happen.  I promise.  There have been people I thought I'd never get over and now, I sort of squint back at the memory in disbelief and detachment.  Keep yourself busy.  Try to find things to look forward to so you won't be looking back so much. 

When I broke up with my boyfriend, I made a list of things I wanted in a partner, to remind me of what I had to look forward to and what was still left to find.  We did end up getting back together, but that list gave me an outlet and made future romance and relationships somehow seem more attainable and possible.  That was one thing I was scared of, being alone forever.

You're going to be fine.

I'm getting the vibe that the OP broke it off?

you can keep going long after you can't.

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and wisdom. After I wrote that I thought how overdramatic it sounds...I mean I don't really want to die obviously (and I hate to be a drama queen) but last night was SO horrible. Yes- I did break it off, but he agreed it was for the best too. I still feel incredibly sad, like I can't quite catch my breath or I might start crying. But I do know you are all right--life goes on. I just hate to be alone...and he really was (is?) my best friend. He wants to be friends and hang out and stuff...but I just don't know how that will feel. I don't even know if he's just saying that he wants to be friends and maybe he hopes that we can be friends with benefits or what (he kind of joked about that yesterday...seriously).

So thank you all again, you have made me feel a little better- to be reminded that there is life after this break up.

Don't try to be friends with him. It will prolong the process of getting over him. The best thing to do is to stop all contact with him and move on. Unless you want to try and work on your relationship as a couple. If you truly want the relationship to end then you must, well, end it.

Original Post by bierorama:

Don't try to be friends with him. It will prolong the process of getting over him. The best thing to do is to stop all contact with him and move on. Unless you want to try and work on your relationship as a couple. If you truly want the relationship to end then you must, well, end it.


You need to look deep inside and listen to your heart and gut.  What is it telling you?  Is this guy the love of your life and you simply need to pull it together and make some changes and fix things?  Or is he a good guy and a nice guy, but just really not all that right for you?  it sounds like this may be the case.  If he isn't the right guy, this will pass.  Time will heal.  Take it day by day.  Take care of yourself and your daughter.  Try to enjoy the moment.  Begin to make new friends and enjoy life and before you know it this will be a distant memory.

Good luck!

Have you thought of counseling to help you get over this hurdle? Are you keeping yourself a bit busier than normal? Staying in contact with close family or friends? That has really helps. 

It will get better; you'll just have to help yourself. Be your own caregiver. 

12 Replies