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How would the average woman Or man respond? end the debate.

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okay.  this scenario and how a woman would respond is presently being debated in my social circle.  I want to know how the women here feel they would have handled the following situation.

A woman in your neighbourhood has substance abuse issues and is generally just problematic.  She decideds she hates you because you reported her for assaulting someones child.  Over the period of a year she starts to harass your child who is 8 and mildly autistic.  She begins by telling him where he can and cannot play, singling him out to other families, and then begins calling your home drunk 'anonymously' with various trumped up allegations towards your children in general but more so the child who is delayed.  You know it's her because you *69 the number and she answers.  (I didn't say she was smart)

You confront her she denies the behaviour and it continues.  She is then witnessed heaving on your childs bike and throwing it into the culvert.  you make it clear that you are going to call the police.  Before they have a chance to respond to the complaint she drives by you and your autistic child and starts swearing at you.  You stop the car and get out and make it clear that you have had it.  She points to your child and calls him a ****** retard, and follows this up with a two handed push to you.  You tell her that she's sick and that if she ever hits you again you'll hit her right back.  You turn to leave and go back to your car and she follows you screaming and yelling further insults.  You get to your car and she is hanging onto your car door.  You tell her to ***** and she doesn't she continues.  She hits you again this time with your child 5 feet behind you.  What would you do in this situation? 

Would you have hit the woman when she called your child a ' ***** retard"?  Hit her when she hit you the first time?  Hit her back after she punched you the second time?  Retreated altogether or just took it? please respond honestly, as opposed to a 'knee jerk' reaction and imagine you were actually in this circumstance.  also, please indicate your age and gender.
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Not a woman.

Would I have hit? Probably, yeah. I imagine, if I let the frustration of the entire year's shenanigans out, I'd have let loose on her.

And, honestly, she'd have deserved it.

My question to you is.. what's your next move? Have you contacted the police? This is just plain harassment and while you may or may not have acted entierly perfectly, that's NOT the issue. The issue is how she's harassing you and your child.

Call the Police.

Edit: 32/m
i would have had my finger on 911 immediately.

and i probably would have hit her back.  im not sure whether my rage would have turned into hitting back or desperately crying and trying to get my kid out of there.

(i tend to cry when im really really mad).

good lord that woman needs to be .... removed from society.  hope she hasnt bred.

edit: 26/F
have her arrested

dont hit her/dont touch her. you dont want a fight bite that gives you aids or hep c or any other possible disease she might of picked up in her lifestyle.

dont even start with her. shes nuts. you want your kid to see you get killed by a nut ball?

let the man with the badge handle this trash.

edit: 30/F

and my knee jerk reaction would of been my pepperspray in her face as i kicked her away from me and sped off to the nearest store to call the police and wait for them there.

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wow... well, in a perfect world, I would call the police... but since its not a perfect world, and I tend to cry when I'm pissed off too Drea99...  :)   I probably would've kicked her ass!! Plain and simple...   screaming insults at me is one thing..but screaming insults at a helpless child, especially mine, is another... and thats where I'd draw the line!  good luck!
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woman 20.

I was in the army and ontop of unarmed combatives was taught how to restrain people. Assuming there were witnesses i would forcibly restrain her if she hit me once and choked her out if she hit me agian. If it is my safety and my childs or hers she is going down. I would also have called 911 or screamed for help.
Well calling 911 isn't an option when your in the circumstance there is no phone.  The police were called over the phone calls but said there is nothing you can do because it has to be a 'specific' threat.  The eg. given to me was call us if she says she is going to kill you tonight at 6p.m. with an axe.
im with curses on this one. You dont want involved in a knock down dragout fight with a local crackho calling the cops is a good thing but in this case I would be looking real hard to get out of this neighborhood for your sake and your children. If this is not possible try your best to keep the nutball away from u and your family if that means a loss of freedom to your kids then so be it. better off alive and well then dead and gone from crazy ass ppl in the neighbourhood.
Woman, 24. She called my kid a what? I'd hit her but my child is there and I don't want him to see it. I'd call the cops and report assault.
Chris, that's ridiculous.

What about moving to a new neighborhood? I know it's a major pain, but.. if this girl's in your neighborhood and no one can do anything with her, that may be the next serious thing to consider.
I always have my cell phone, so I would have dialed 911.  If my phone was dead, I would have driven to the nearest store/restaurant/gas station/trusted neighbor's house and called from there.  I wouldnt' have reported threats, but rather assault since she pushed you, and damage to personal property since she threw your kid's bike.  I would also bring your phone records to the cops and report harassment and tell them that you are concerned for your child's safety because of the assaults and property damage so you can get a restraining order.  Then if she calls or comes near you or your child you can call the cops and they will come and arrest her.

I probably would have been in so much shock I wouldn't have been able to hit her back though.

 the charges you could put up: theft, vandalism, assault, harassment, tresspassing, public disturbance.

Woman 23 years old.

I would want to hit her. But I wouldn't. I have my vehicle and my child with me. I would get in the car and drive away. If she wanted to hang onto the door while I drove, well, that would be her choice. Fighting with your child present is not OK. The safety of my child would overwhelm any anger I was feeling. I would file a formal complaint and do whatever possible to get away from this woman and have her prosecuted for her actions.

Gather as much documentation as you can and go to the police to get a restraining order.  One insult is not really enough for the police do to anything, but repeated phone calls, throwing the bike in the street, driving by and insulting on a reguar basis all add up to harassment.  Take your documentation and discuss with the authorities what your next steps can be.  Even without documentation and it's only your word, go to the police, explain the situation and ask what the next steps are - what you can do to protect yourself and your children, and what they can do at this point in time.  You may not have enough documentation, but please go to the police. 


I was in a great deal of shock and I would've absolutely called the police and they would have absolutely charged her at that point.  I believe their previous apathy is more that police agencies tend to view disputes as petty and not arising to anything, well in this case had they bothered to look up her record (2 previous assaults, theft, resraining orders - and those are only the things she was charged and convicted of) they probably would have responded differently to my first phone call.  As it happens they didn't have a chance to respond to the bike incident because these things take time in between before they attend the home. 

I was shocked, stunned and momentarily frozen when she pointed to my child and called him that.  In fact, I will never know truly what  I would've done because she followed that verbal attack with the push.  That stunned me even further because I'm just not accustomed to people actually hitting people.  anywhoo, what brought me out of the shock was her taking another step towards me after I stumbled back.  By then I could feel this hot liquid literally moving from my groin up into my stomach - well when she stepped towards me I stood up straight and said in that voice that is not a shout, not a whisper but even keeled and dripping with the conviction of outrage "if you hit me again I swear to *****god i will hit you back".  I then pointed to my child and told her I better not ever see her around him again. 

See here's the thing - in retrospect she knew she was going to be arrested that day after the push.  she was no stranger to the system.  I believe that's WHY she followed me back to the car, it was a mixture of dys-function, anger, desperation, and also her detecting 'retreat' by my trying to leave.  Of note is the fact that when I looked her in the eye and told her if she hit me again I would hit her back I could see the flash of fear.  In that moment she knew (and given my shock and anger I wouldn't have gambled it) that I probably would have knocked her out.  She also knew I was dead pan serious about calling the police.  

However, I believe that because she is so twisted,  to her mind my retreat to the car was some sign of weakness, she knew I didn't want a fight particularly in front of my child, she knew my biggest fear was her verbally attacking him, not to mention that she had never seen me react in any other way than what you would expect from a well rounded professional. 

Well after she hit me at the car she was done.  I had a choice, I could stay pinned behind my car door (her body weight was against it) and have my child watch his mother get beaten up or I could give her the shock of her life.  I chose the latter.  I too have been trained in self defense and I need to tell you ladies when I stepped out from behind that car door her eyes went HUGE.  She simply didn't expect it.  This is a common mistake made by people who are criminals - they think us academic, non drug users are just too frail to defend ourselves.  I pinned her up against a brick wall twelve feet from where we were.  I had her in a choke hold with my right leg between her legs while she frailed and screamed like a nutcase.  I held her there for about 10 -15 seconds then let her go. She came at me again punching me (she broke my tooth) and was holding my by my sweater.  (I should mention that I was in a dress and high heeled boots when this happened) I had no choice but to return the blows -  and force her backwards.  As I was grabbing her arms she was trying to grab mine and we both fell to the ground where I quicklly scrambled and held her there till it became apparent she was going to stop. 

I was arrested as a result - assault causing bodily harm.  When we fell she broke her bone in her leg and apparently this was a really big deal.  I was aqcuitted of course, on the basis that I was unlawfully assaulted, and in any event the judge held that she was looking for a fight, she started a fight, she got her fight (see in Canada the law is different - check out Macleans where a man was arrested for punching an intruder in his home in the face) -  but not before I had to get a lawyer etc, etc, to defend my actions!.  My anger towards the justice system has subsided but it's still there.  Where were they when I called?  and I did have to move while waiting for this to go trial.  It took a long time to resolve this. My biggest issue with this is the fact that she got to walk around and call herself a 'victim'.  It was a joke, I mean really, people actually felt sorry for her because she told people she was just attacked walking up the street. 

I was mortified that perfect strangers would actually think I was capable of harming someone like that.  Although, I must say when it went to court not one person in her family or a friend showed up for her so I don't think anyone who knew her beleived her.  I can tell you for sure no one who knew both of us believed a goddamn word she said other neighbours cooked for me and brought gifts.   She came across so badly in court that the women who worked there called me and told me they felt sorry for me, and that if it was them they woul've kicked her ass.  sometimes I still feel like I should have given her a beating especially if the state is going to haul me into court.     anywhoo, I know this is a long story but it still bothers me to this day on many levels - my reaction - I have never felt such anger before - I still feel deeply ashamed, embarrassed, degraded that I even was involved in anything so ugly.  Then at times I get an overwhelming urge to hunt her down - not that I would of course. The whole thing is like a bad joke.  Anyway, I just haven't healed from this and I don't know why!!
because you are trying to make sense of it all?

it is shocking. be glad it didnt go to a more extreme level.

a friend of my guys mother went to jail for 11 years for killing a man in a fist fight that attacked him outside of a bar. there was no one there to witness. the guy is a total sweetheart and normal.
he had military training and was 6'4''. that accident cost him 11 years of his life. and he still has problems re-adjusting to being out in the "real world" again.

and i cant believe you kicked someone's ass in heels!

man you are like jackie brown!

the law is there to protect both sides. they werent there. they just had to go by the aftermath and figure it out in court.
dont feel bad for doing that.
you are super lucky.
be happy its not worse.
I think that there are a lot of moms out there saying way to go. I know when I feel a threat towards my kids a kind of primitive feeling comes over me. I think what you did was a natural reaction.Its sad to think that unfortunately there are people out there that we have to protect ourselves from and that can bring out that kind of anger in us.

Don't beat yourself up Chris. The important people in your life know who you are and what kind of person you are.
i would have called the police after she had hit me the first time. if i hadnt gotten around to calling the police though, after she had hit me in front of my child i would have smacked her right back.

Wait, is this just a hypothetical question or did this actually happen???

Edit: OK, I am an idiot! Wow, Chris, I am sorry you went through all of that! How horrible!
wow, i'm so sorry you had to go through that ordeal.

I'm 19, female, and i would of hit her, hard. my self defence instructor told me, that if you felt threatened and someone entered your personal space and wouldn't back off after you've told them twice, calmly to leave you alone, you are well within your rights to hit them, its self deference, you were being threatened and you reacted to the situation. He taught me alot of stuff, and how to use it when your brain freezes and you go in to shock. Luckily i've never had to put any of this in to use in a real situation, but its good to know.
damn, that's really sucky.

i'm 23 and female.  I would have popped her in the mouth as soon as she said ******* retard.  Hopefully, I would have stopped there.
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