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I just need to get this off of my chest

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Since I've gained a lot of weight, I've discovered that my father is very prejudiced against heavier people.  Today was a terrible day.  I have always kind of sensed that since gaining weight, my father has been very unkind to me and will go as far as to make disparaging remarks  to my face every time we meet.  Just yesterday he told me that he thinks that I'm sick to look at and he doesn't want me around him.  It's normal for me to catch him staring at me eating during a meal together, with a faint look of disgust on his face (when I'm already watching what I'm eating.  Just the mere FACT that I eat bothers him).  I've started to ask him what exactly is so interesting whenever I catch him doing this.  He's very defensive.  Yet the hateful remarks continue.  I've stopped going to family functions if I don't have to go.

My whole family knows that my father has some screws loose in his head.  Why he would act this way towards his own daughter is beyond me.

And although I know that I have to start getting healthy and losing weight while I'm still young and that I have to do this for MYSELF, these kinds of comments and actions really make me upset.

And today, for like 5 minutes, I lost it and cried.

That's why I'm glad I found this community to get my started off right.  I need positive ideas and voices so that I can keep my resolve.

OK, *whew* thanks for letting me get this off of my chest!

26 Replies (last)
How shallow of him.  The only relative who ever gave me grief was my grandmother, I gave her a dagger look and said, 'The only person who gets a vote in how much fat I carry is my boyfriend, my appearance should be superficial to anyone who does not expect to someday copulate with me.'

Once the hag got done spluttering indignantly and my parents managed to stop laughing, they made me apologize, but seeing my dad trying to stop crying from his own mom butting in and getting told off made it worth it.  Apparently before the visit they had warned her not to make an issue of it.

I wasn't even actually fat at that point by the way, I was 171 at 6' after taking an antidepressant that puts on the pounds.  I actually am fat now, and she hasn't dared breathe a word about it.
Oh, and I just remembered, my Mom used to (when I was a teenager) put me down about my weight ("you look like baby huey in that!") and then turn around and shove food at me! I still call her the "food-pusher". She gives people huge portions and expects them to finish everything. Like quadruple portions. I don't get the psycology of it all, but the problem is truely in the head of the person making the comment. If you are doing what you can to get healthy, then your parents need to respect the limits that you set. Good luck Jenn
Elly -- ROTFL!!!  Beautiful!  The problem is I can come up with zingers like that but I don't have the nerve to say them. 

Violet, if possible, do what you're father asks and avoid him like the plague.  If he starts asking why, feel free to tell him exactly why.

I know, too, how hurtful family can be. My sister used to send me fat jokes. I no longer have anything to do with them, which is extreme, I know, but the only way to stay away from their emotional abuse. I have made a new family of my heart with people who love and care about me as I am. I hope you can spend your energy connecting with people who can do that for you, and emotionally let go of the others. Hang in there
I love my dad dearly but growing up I got, "no guy will ever love you if you continue to be this fat". Now, "this fat" never even pushed me into the overweight range but it was still unacceptable. What happened? I got sick (something totally unrelated), had to go on prednisone treatment for life, which made me gain a bunch of weight (which I'm still trying to lose but it's just hard), am now at my heaviest... and ended up falling in love with the greatest guy ever who knows all about my struggles and about to get married.

What's my point? You shouldn't accept what other people think about you, they just might be wrong. If you feel good, then that's what matters and the most important thing is that you're making yourself feel good by taking care of yourself FOR YOURSELF which is great. Hang in there and listen to the positive in people's comments, learn to distinguish when someone's making a serious valid point as opposed to just a hurtful remark and discard all the rest. You'll be much happier for it!
I got the same sort of thing from my mother.  When I became a mother I vowed to not make my motherā??s mistakes (Iā??ve made new ones to be sure)  Because I've matured and I appreciate myself for who I am not for what I look like I was able to forgive her and that is what set me free from her disappointing looks and remarks.  Just concentrate on your goals; make sure they are your goals not your fatherā??s.  Remember, that all of this pain does make us stronger.
26 Replies (last)