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I'm anorexic and need motivation :(

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Please help. I'm 15, 5'2, and 80 pounds (up from 70). I think I've been doing pretty good for the past 5 months of recovery... sorta. I fluctuate my calories at times like if I get too stressed out I drop my calories down but most of the time I try to eat enough to gain weight so I can stop going to doctors. However, everytime I decrease my calories I just feel happier restricting but then most of the time I force myself to eat more because I feel bad for what my father is going through. Lately my mom has gone out of control, yelling at me and making me feel worthless whereas I am the one doing all the work in the houe like cooking and cleaning and I also have to help my siblings on top of my schoolwork while she sits on her butt. She makes me feel like I shouldn't be alive so I get inclined to starve myself, I don't know why but it might be because I feel that If I starve myself I'll be out of her life permenantly so she won't have to deal with me anymore or because I want her to see the effects she has on me. I've eaten about 700 calories today but I can't get myself to eat more because I'm angry and sad. Please, I need motivation to recover! I want to recover but at the same time I really don't!
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Well, if you don't recover, you die, and then a whole lot more people other than your mom will be miserable. Like, your friends, your dad, your siblings, etc. 

So, you either recover, or you die. That seems like good motivation to me.

Hey! I am really sorry for how you are feeling, and i completely understand! You have to realise that you need to do this for yourself! by not eating you are only making life harder on yourself, by having no energy and feeling tired etc, it is just becoming a vicious cycle! Please dont detriment your own health for the sake of proving a point, make yourself healthy and happy...the only way to do this is to eat more! you are making yourself feel worse by not doing so! Hope you have the courage to continue to make yourself better, and well done on your recovery so far!xxxx

Who would take care of your siblings if you weren't there?  Please be strong and don't let your mom get to you.  She is the one with the wrong headed thinking for whatever reason.  Do this for YOU!  You are making progress, keep it up!

This post makes me sad but most people don't understand the feeling that you get when you restrict calories and over exercise.  It's a feeling of being in control of something.  It sounds like you punish yourself for feeling inadequate in your mother's eyes and really that sounds like more of an issue that needs to be discussed with a counselor.  Your self worth should be a reflection of your own intrinsic pride in the fact that you do a lot for your family and you should feel good about that!! Do things that make you proud of yourself!! I can only suggest adding nuts and nut butters to your current diet even though it sounds scary, it's actually a really healthy source of fats, proteins and calories.  Good luck to you!!! Do your best and be proud of who you are and what you mean to the people in your life!!!

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.  I had a hard time getting along with my Mom growing up too, and there were a couple of times I thought about "checking out".  You need to be strong, because life will change.  Nothing stays the same, and as crappy as it may be right now, if you stay strong, get tough, things will get better for you.  I don't know what you're going through with the ED, but I do know that your Dad would never get over losing you if you don't recover.  Trust me on this.  Your siblings and parents will NEVER get over losing you, so if you don't want to recover for yourself, do it for your Dad.

Good luck.


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Read a book called hunger
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By sharman apt russell.

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