Moderators: devilish_patsy, Sheila, sun123, imlosingw8

How do I help my boyfriend take better care of himself?

Quote  |  Reply

My boyfriends 22, and he's never been a particularly muscly dude, but over the last year (especially since he turned 21) he has gained atleast 30 lbs. He eats poorly and rarely exercises. I don't want to hurt him but it's starting to worry me. I try to motivate him my example, but he doesn't want to work out with me because he feels embarassed that I'm stronger than he is. He keeps saying he's going to start working out with his friends but it hasn't happened yet. We dont live together so I can't help him make good food decisions.

Any ideas anyone?

9 Replies (last)

Do not try to motivate him, it does not work trust me. He is 22 last thing he wants is to be told what to do. (Guy thing) CoolThis is some of what you can do.

  1. If he drinks lots of sodas when he is with you have a bottle of low calorie drink or water. Share the bottle with him.Wink
  2. If you both go out to eat you live by example and order low or medium calorie food. (you will always find me looking at the nutritional chart before I order)Innocent
  3. Exercise, I do not know your age but if you are very close to each other in age and your parents are cool, play with him have a pillow fight, have him chase you in the park, or wrestle with him go nuts and get him tired. Laughing
  4. Worry more about what he eats 3500 calories less he will loose one pound a week.

Hey.. I think that's great that you are concerned about your boyfriend's health and well-being, but depending on what kind of relationship you have with him, it may not be a good idea to suggest that he get active or lose weight.

I am looking at this from the other side... I gained about 30 lbs myself, and my boyfriend never made a comment about it.  It was mostly due to stress, and I realized I needed to change, and have started to lose weight.  My boyfriend is extremely encouraging and supportive of me now that I'm losing.  If he had said anything about me being overweight back then, I may have smacked him...   I was under a lot of stress, and if he'd added his expectations of me being thinner to that, I wouldn't have been able to handle it.

Maybe... ask him how he's doing?  Have a good talk and try to get to the bottom of the reasons why he's gaining weight, without bringing it up.  See if you can help him with the emotional stuff that's behind the weight gain.   If he's just partying too much, it's probably a phase that will pass shortly. Good luck!

I have struggled with the same situation. When I first lost weight, my partner was totally supportive and asked me for help in his attempts at eating better and losing weight. We would cook together and he lost a good 20-25 lbs.

About a year ago, we both took jobs about 3 hours away from each other, and since then, he's gained the weight back and then some. I used to try and regulate his eating when we were together, but my constant questioning of his food choices started to strain our relationship.

Something I realized during that time was that I can't MAKE him do anything. No one will lose weight until THEY are committed to it and want it for themselves. I think I forgot that a bit. Since then he's continued to struggle, but I try to help by going grocery shopping with him when I'm visiting and cooking lots of healthy food (and leaving healthy leftovers!) when I'm there :)

There's probably not much you can do.  Years ago I asked my husband to give me a nudge if I was eating too much.  The one time he tried to stop me from taking extra helpings I gave him such a dirty look and it was all I could do to not throw the food at him!

Ask how he would like you to help him.   You can cheer-lead and be supportive, but he is ultimately responsible for himself. 

I decided not to marry someone because they had gained a significant amount of weight.  He also stopped shaving, getting haircuts, and cleaning his apartment.  The weight was further evidence that he didn't care about himself, was lazy, and unwilling to meet both our needs. 

I stopped finding him attractive.  Who likes fat, unhealthy, and unmotivated?  You work hard to be successful and good looking...  There is nothing wrong with desiring an attractive mate.  You deserve one.

I confronted him, we fought, and (despite promises) he did nothing to change.  If he'd been making an unsuccessful attempt, but an attempt nonetheless, I'd probably still be with him.

My friend saw him recently and told me he looked like a wild animal.  I'm engaged to a wonderful, hot, smart, and motivated guy.  And I don't regret my decision for a second.

The best way to get him to lose weight and take better care of himself is to dump him.

Edit: Being dumped is a great motivator for self improvement.

Ouch!! it is only 30 lbs people. Guys are not the best in this age group but she loves him. Wish I had that kind of love maybe I would not be in CC if someone cared for me like momoyafah is trying to do.


The trick is to get him to change without him knowing or pushing him.

Trust me on this!!

I definitely agree. As some one who has body image issues, maybe even serious ones, I know how I'd feel if someone left me for my body. I love him and I have no intention to leave him over 30 lbs. I do agree though that significant weight gain can be a sign of someone not taking care of themselves or being motivated to change which is a big turn off. I'd rather help him now than get the point where I'm not attracted to him anymore.

I would like to be able to motivate him without being pushy. I try to do something active with him once a week, but if I'm not there to do it, he's not going to do it on his own.

Does he actually want to lose weight or build muslce?  If he doesn't want to, there isn't much you can really do.  Except nag.  That works sometimes :P

9 Replies