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Dealing with the definition of "fat" is killing me....

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Ok I just started to see results on my body and my sister and bf said the same thing and I'm super happy feel very rewarding for doing this low-fat low-cal diet. I know I don't need to "diet" too strictly because I know I'm not fat. I just want to tone my body and get rid of my tummy. I have been doing pilates 3 to 4 times a week and crunches everynight and I've been happy.

Last week, me and my bf went to do grocery shopping at T&T ( a Chinese supermarket in Canada). Everything was ok until I started to notice other girls there. They ARE SO SKINNY! I was the fattest female there and I felt sooooooooooo bad that I cried right after I got into the car. I know for western standard those girls are considered "underweight" however being a Hong Kong girl I AM the fattest one. 

I sometimes go crazy because I live in Canada I love Canada and everything here however for my culture, the skinner the better (Not only girls but guys agree on this too). Everytime I went back to HK for vacation I felt ugly and would have super low self-esteem because I look fatter than most of the girls.

I know I'm not fat. (I know because I'm 5"11 and I'm 140 lbs and everytime I mention fat ppl yell at me). But the pressure of being the fattest one in your own culture just kills me....
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It sounds like you need to work on your self-image or else you wouldnt be comparing yourself to these girls. 140 @ 5'11 is slim. I can't imagine how much thinner anyone else is... are you sure it isn't in your head?

I think you need to stop referring to yourself as "one of the fattest." People come in all different shapes and sizes, and if you get much thinner, you will be and look underweight. And you will probably still not be happy. That's what happened to me... I thought being really skinny would make my life perfect. Didn't happen, though, all your problems are still there and mine actually got worse because I was never thin enough and I always wanted to lose more.

~It sounds like you need to do some soul seaching. Your low self-esteem comes from within you... you choose how you feel about yourself in the end, no matter how skinny anyone else is. Other people being thin isn't causing you to have low self-esteem; you are letting yourself feel that way. And you shouldn't! Life is just too short for that.
hi there,i know exactly what you mean all i see when i go out is how skinnier all the other girls look,but really it is me just being over self conscious and judging myself wrongly.i have recently joined this site and am getting used to the message board.i always used to feel like the fat friend(even though i probably wasnt) until i started to loose weight,now i feel like i am just the same as my friends but i want to be the skinny can be hard to stay on track especially when people give out about you loosing or even just talking about it,but my advise is just try and ignore others until you are at your goal.
I could be mistaken but isn't 5'11" a lot taller for a woman of your culture? You can't really compare yourself to other women that are a lot shorter - they're two totally different body types.
i know this isnt really related but how do i post a topic if i feel like it,i am new to this site and am a little lost.
everyone is right.  you're NOT fat, and you know that. but it is hard to look around and see that everyone is skinnier than you are.  i was in japan for a year--and i was a bit overweight.  so seeing all these girls where the average is probably a size 2 is really disheartening.  you're just going to have to accept who you are and not think of yourself in comparison. it's hard, but it's the only way to cope.

and misskas--just choose "Start a New Topic" in whichever forum you want to post in.
I wear size 8 or 10 (depends on which store). I've seen girls in my height wear size 7 pants. I really want to fit into those....
well, since i wouldn't worry about your pounds--because those are in a good range.  do strength training exercises that will help you to reshape your body and build muscle.  you don't need to be losing weight--so focus on eating maintenance calories and shaving off inches--not pounds.  i'm an 8/10 depending on store--so a lot like you--and i TOTALLY want to keep losing inches :)  so look up some good resistance/strength training moves and do those 3x a week or every other day, and combine with good cardio in between.  i recommend checking out and looking at their "fitness" section.  just surf around and find some moves or a routine that looks doable for you
I feel the exact same way. My whole family keeps telling me how I have lost enough weight and how I look "perfect" were I am and should stop dieting. But everywhere I go I'm the fattest girl there and I honestly don't believe that I was meant to be. I look at pictures of myself next to other girls I know, and I'm literally twice their size. How can anyone tell me that I've lost enough weight when I'm twice as big as all the girls I know? I don't think the problem is me and my own body image, I think it's with all of these girls who don't seem to have gone through puberty. Aren't women supposed to have more fat on them than men? All the girls I know are tiny little sticks. And if they're all going to be tiny little sticks, then I want to be one too! (Sounds pretty immature, I know.)
yeah, i feel you.  i think "im fat" because im overly squishy and pudgy, and am very small boned, but my mom says "no you're not fat, you are at the right weight."  i think "fat" is an adjective to describe people, but "overweight" and "obese" are medical criteria that can be met or not.  
I agree. "fat" is a really subjective thing. As compared to my boyfriend, I'm tiny (he's 300 pounds), but as compared to most 17-21 year old girls in New York City, I'm defintely higher than average. Some people are technically overweight, but don't look "fat" at all. My mom for instance, is technically overweight, but you would never guess by looking at her.  
i agree totally,if the people you are surrounded by are skinny why cant we be,i have a group that are sticks and a group that arent,but i still always want to be skinny and will be soon.i have have been successful so far but have more to go to be happy.i am 5"6? what weight do people think is skinny for that height? 
I always thought 120 was perfect for someone who is 5'6. But it depends on how much muscle you have, and the general shape of your body. Some people have really skinny extremeties, but have a relatively large stomach. And could still be 120. Whereas others can have an hourglass figure and be 120. The two look very different, but are the same weight. Which is why weight isn't the most important thing. I'm 123 pounds today, but I see little difference between this and when I was 133. 
I completely understand here you are comin from.  Being half filipino, whenever I travel to asian countries I feel giant in comparison with the other girls there.  Even looking at pictures of my mom when she was my age and even after she'd gotten married and had kids, etc she was still a size 24 or 25 while I've NEVER been that size as a teen...However, I do believe this is because of differences in the ways we were raised.  My mom grew up in the Philippines and I grew up in Canada.  Over the yrs I've steadily gone up from a size 27 in gr 7 to a size 30 now (in my second yr of university).  Since moving to Canada, my mother has also gained weight and she's maybe 1 or 2 sizes larger than I am now, so when we go back to the philippines or HK or singapore to visit my grandparetns, aunts and uncles or when they come visit here we're both under the scrutiny of her family b/c they've all remained tiny, while we're grownn and grown.  Infact my aunt and uncles and cousins are coming for a visit next week and I feel under pressure this week to watch my diet and ACTUALLY lose a couple of pounds so I don't get teased by my aunt.  Which is sad to say in the least.  My only suggestion is to take a step back and look at yourself realistically.  If you feel you are at a healthy weight and feel happy with your body in everyday circumstances (ie. not surrounded by tiny girls) then keep doing what your doing.  I'm technically overweight, although I do not really look like it (infact my body shape is very similar to your moms) however I need to lose between 10-15 lbs according to my doctor because I have high cholesterol (which really is unhealthy at age 19) so I'm trying to do this for my health (although vanity has always played a factor in my weightloss too, lol).  Anyways the bottom line is to try and not compare yourself with others because then you'll never be satisfied. 
i suppose you are right,that put my mind at rest,i would be a little toned but not like too much muscle. what height are you do you mind me asking? I have a bit to go to get you 120,but i think i would like to be that skinny.
i can totally understand where you are coming from. (same culture, same place) it's something i deal with everyday too. i've sort of convinced myself to follow the chinese culture though, as they are...petite.
hey misskas--i'm actually 22 y/o also.  i'm 5'5", and at 140 right now.  i am lucky because i carry my weight really well--but i'm just looking to get to 135 right now.  once i get there--i'm going to focus on muscle building and shaping my body instead of dropping weight.  it might be somethign you consider also.  120 is actually a little light for someone at 5'6"--at 19.4 BMI which is either underweight or at the low end of healthy (depending on what numbers you follow).  i would shoot first for 125 or 130 as more reasonable weights as far as number--then think about reshaping your body into what you want it to be.
hi thank you everyone for your advise,my aim is actually 126 pound and maybe when i get there i will see if i am happy and if not a little body isnt that well defined but i would love to have well defined arms and abs,not like a body builder or anything more just nice..hope to talk again for some chatting on our quest for skinnyness
I don't know if you were talking to me or not misskas_g but I'm 5'4 and 123 pounds. My ideal is around 117, but a toned 117, not the flabby 117 I'm going to be through dieting. (gotta start working out!)
18 Replies