Important Update: Calorie Count will be shutting down on March 15th. Please click here to read the announcement. Data export is available.
I'm a very healthy eater from day to day. VERY healthy. And I'm quite proud of my diet and my will power. I eat whole grains, lean meats, fruits and vegetables and low fat dairy products. I also eat portions of nuts and drink lots of water.
But I have a problem. I'm in university, and tend to go out to the bars on the weekends every now and then. Now, I can deal with a night of drinking, because I can control how much I drink and I dont drink really hefty sugary drinks. My problem is my loss of will power to junk food when I drink. I eat so much... SO MUCH chocolate when I'm drunk! So much that sometimes I feel ill the next day, but of course, I get back on track and dont drop my calories the next day because I know it's unhealthy recoil.
After this rant, I propose creating this group to support and track / log how many days myself and any others interested in joining can go binge free. I still dont mind having small portions of chocolate throughout the day because they might be just 5g portions. I just want to be able to motivate myself to stay on track and not destroy my healthy diet every weekend.
So, I'm going to start out. Since I went all out last night, today is...
Days without bingeing: 1 (I know the whole day hasnt gone by, but I know I'll control it today haha)
That wasn't me 4 months ago so stay w/it! it's agonizing at first but worth it to learn to live w/o losing control!
infiniteheart! way to go!
You may have seen a lot on the forum from my past but I'll do a quick run through:
I started gaining weight a few years ago because of many things. My family was homeless for a while and during that time got separated from my mom and my brothers. I got to see my mom and one brother somewhat regularly, but the other was sent to another city. While separated, my mom was in an accident where she had a big surgery and was off her feet. I was around sometimes then, and so I was exposed to major comfort foods as people from my church brought us cooked meals since my mom couldn't cook. Then, on top of that, my 16 year old brother died (I was 11) and I remembered how comforting food was. I ate and ate and ate, and gained lots of weight. I was depressed about my size but didn't know how to handle it. I spent years starving myself during the day only to go home and eat like crazy.
Eventually I decided to exercise and just eat healthful foods. That worked well and I started losing weight in a healthy way. THEN I discovered calories and figured the less I could eat the faster I would lose...and also the more I could exercise on top of that, the better. I restricted and over-exercised for months, then found this site. I became active in the forums and found out what I was doing to my body. I was the teen in denial..I couldn't believe I needed more than a few hundred calories a day. Eventually I convinced myself I needed to eat more, which led to eating more and exercising even more to quiet the voices of restriction, and then eating more led to binging. When I first started binging I just exercised to try and make up for it, or turned to laxatives. I've binged every day for the past...I don't even know how long. But I'm so disappointed with myself. Thankfully I have stopped the laxative use, and I haven't even been exercising like I usually do. I still exercise but not like I used to.
I don't mean to sound rude or anything but I read things from people who went from restricting to binging and could not understand how someone could let that happen. I didn't think it'd ever happen to me, and now it is.
I just felt like I needed to post to hold myself accountable and hopefully get support. Sometimes I feel like no one else understands. I went to a therapist and she said I didn't need to come back because I was fine..but I don't feel so fine.
Don't let yourself get too hungry but don't eat unless you think you are hungry. Learn your body's cues...is it thirst/is it emotional. Only feed yourself if it is real, physical hunger.
When you eat, choose healthful foods before eating junk. By healthful: veggies, fruits and whole grains mainly w/ enough protein to make it all interesting. choose a variety.
exercise. this will help both your self-esteem and your weight-loss and should help you keep your thoughts balanced.
journal. you are obviously a writer. start tracking your food intake by writing down everything you eat, times you eat, your thoughts if you overeat. your body will start showing eating patterns... pretty predictable patterns of when it wants to be fed.
some days you will want to eat lighter, allow yourself this.
drink plenty of water.
socialize wherever and whenever you can but don't let it revolve around fod.
I eat @ 2200 calories/day approx, give or take a few hundred. I journal daily. I exercise almost every day...hike @4 miles and go to Curves 3x/week. occassional cycle. I am losing 1-2 #/week. I did not want to live on a reduced calorie diet so it took me about a year to figure out how to lose the weight. I read Shrink Yourself and loved it and risabelle, who hopefully will show up w/a few choice comments to add, recommended Jean Antonello's books. Wonderful! I stopped bingeing @ June 1. Wow, 3 months! It was relatively effortless by that point. By now I may overeat on occassion but I quickly revert to my healthy agenda. I do allow myself indulgences @ once a week...cake etc. So, this month is my first weight-loss month and I believe it is somewhere just over 6#.
Take care, deflepfan. you are welcome to post here as often and as lengthy as you need to! look forward to more from yoU!
everyone have a great day!
i almost broke my no-binge streak today...i was staring PB in the face...took two big spoonfuls, then was ready to throw in the towel. but i just said "no. this is your fat from lunch today. just take the cheese and mayo off your sammy and you will have stuck to your meal plan." so i walked away. i did it.
little victories, my friends. also, i'd like you to read this. print it out, put it somewhere you can always see it. it's my inspiration...well one of them atleastThe Race
"Quit, give up, you're beaten"
They shout at you and plead
"There's just too much against you
This time you can't succeed".
And as I start to hang my head
In front of failures face
My downward fall is broken by
The memory of a race
And hope refills my weakened will
As I recall that scene
Or just the thought of that short race
Rejuvenates my being
Childrens race, young boys
Young men, how I remember well
Excitement sure, but also fear
It wasn't hard to tell
They all lined up so full of hope
Each thought to win that race
Or tie for first, or if not that
At least take second place
The fathers watched from off the side
Each cheering for his son
And each boy hoped to show his dad
That he could be the one
The whistle blew and off they went
Young hearts and hopes afire
To win and be the hero there
Was each young boys desire
And one boy in particular
Whose dad was in the crowd
Was running near the lead and thought
"My dad will be so proud"
But as they speeded down the field
Across a shallow dip
The little boy who thought to win
Lost his step and slipped
Trying hard to catch himself
With hands flew out to brace
And amid the laughter of the crowd
He fell flat on his face
But as he fell his dad stood up
And showed his anxious face
Which to the boy so clearly said
"Get up and win the race"
He quickly rose, no damage done
Behind a bit that's all
And ran with all his night and mind
To make up for the fall
So anxious to restore himself
To catch up and to win
His mind went faster than his legs
He slipped and fell again
He wised then that he had quit before
With only one disgrace
"I'm hopeless as a runner now
I shouldn't try to race"
But in the laughing crowd he searched
And found his fathers face
That steady look which said again
"Get up and win the race"
So up he jumped to try again
Ten yards behind the last
If I'm going to gain those yards he though
I've got to move real fast
Exerting everything he had
He regained eight or ten
But trying hard to catch the lead
He slipped and fell again
Defeat, he lay there silently
A tear dropped from his eye
There's no sense running anymore
Three strikes, I'm out, why try?
The will to rise had disappeared
All hope had fled away
So far behind so error prone
A loser all the way
"I've lost, so what", he thought
I'll live with my disgrace
But then he thought about his dad
Whom soon he'd have to face
"Get up" the echo sounded low
"Get up" and take your place
You were not meant for failure here
"Get up", and win the race
With borrowed will "Get up" it said
"You haven't lost at all"
For winning is no more than this
To rise each time you fall
So up he rose to run once more
And with a new commit
He resolved, that win or lose
At least he shouldn't quit
So far behind the others now
The most he'd ever been
Still he'd give it all he had
And run as though to win
Three times he'd fallen, stumbling
Three times he'd rose again
Too far behind to hope to win
He still ran to the end
They cheered the winning runner
As he crossed the line first place
Head high and proud and happy
No falling, no disgrace
But when the fallen youngster
Crossed the line, last place
The crowd gave him the greater cheer
For finishing the race
And even though he came in last
With head bent low, unproud
You would have thought he'd won the race
To listen to the crowd
And to his dad he sadly said
"I didn't do too well"
"To me you won", his father said
"You rose each time you fell"
by D. H. Groberg
I just made it for 15 days without binging. I'm not sure why I binged today. I have been eating enough, or so I thought. I think, maybe, since I've been binging for years, my body just kind of freaked out after 15 days and wanted the comfort of "binging" once again. But I know this time I can start over tomorrow and it'll be no problem.
I want to offer a piece of advice. It may not work for everyone, but this time around, it worked for me, and I hope it will in the future.
I take a photograph of everything I eat and post it on the web. I have a food blog rather than a private food journal, because that forces me to put more effort into the meals I make, and take food more seriously, and respect it more. I also feel more satisfied after a meal, if I make it look presentable, post it on the internet, etc. You might want to try this.
deflepfan, please post on this thread as much as you like. We are here for you!
Edit to add: ilovechai, we posted at the same time so I didn't get a chance to read your poem. That is really inspirational, I love the part that says "you were not meant for failure here, get up and win the race."
great attitude, tothestarsxx! yep, just pick yourself, dust yourself off and begin again right away, as if this interruption never happened. cool.
sharonclaire: Your post was very very helpful, and I reread it when I feel like binging and remind myself that I'm NOT truly hungry and I don't need to eat. I didn't binge yesterday, and I didn't binge today yet (and I won't ;D) Congrats on your weight loss, too! Isn't it an amazing feeling? You have overcome and accomplished so much!! You should be so proud! =) Oh and I just had to add, I've always felt I was the worst writer EVER haha! English has to be one of my least favorite subjects (but maybe not weakest, eh? =P)
tothestarsxx: That is a very interesting way to keep yourself on track! I like it =) The foods I like are so odd they really don't look good...maybe I should do that too and show others..help them lose their appetites! haha =P I have found that having a puzzle set out on a table that I pass when going to the kitchen has been very helpful. Actually, I finished my FIRST 'anti-binge' puzzle yesterday! I have a picture of it in my profile now because I'm just proud of it haha. Yeppp...that's 1,000 pieces BABY! WOOT!
Another thing that helped me was writing 'START TODAY!!' on my hands so I would see it whenever I reached for something. Doing that reminded me of how awful I felt when I wrote it (I wrote it after my last binge) and it reminds me that I don't want to feel like that again.
Hope you all have had a wonderful day! I'm hoping the rest of mine will be =)
EDIT: As soon as I posted, I talked to my stepmom and she said my cat is sick and at the vet they said he has 2 weeks - 2 months to live...so much for a wonderful day ='( I can feel a binge coming on
Don't do it, deflepfan! I'm very sorry about your cat, but this is a good opportunity to search for comfort other than food! Curl up on the couch with a book or a movie, or call a friend. Your cat wouldn't want you to binge.
I hope your day goes all well despite.
It's even worse because of a reaction I had to something I put on my face...it's making my face crack and peel and it's all red and swollen (yuck!) but the tears make it burn SO BAD! Haha =P Maybe it'll help it heal faster though! I had to miss work today because of it =(
Every day that you work on this is a step in the right direction. You are going to have days where you just BOMB. I had one yesterday. So, you look at it overall because it's a process, not an overnight achievement.
Just the fact that you post here and are comfortable and open means that you will get through it and these events will become less common/less intense. Give yourself time.
Suggested reading: Shrink Yourself (I loved this one) and Jean Antonello (love this, too) comes highly recommended by risabelle, another CC member.
Learn to love yourself everyday, deflepfan. That means accepting your failures and recognizing your achievements...even OR especially the little ones!
Hi deflepfan16 and sharonclaire: I've had a little trouble posting for a few days because somehow my account got deactivated so I had to figure out how to get back on this site. I had to get a new name, but it is just one letter off, so now I'm risabella, formerly risabelle. You can call me by either name, doesn't really matter to me.
deflepfan, as a former dieter for many years, I firmly believe that all bingeing results from not eating enough good food when you really need it. I also believe that pounds lost by traditional dieting methods will be gained back at some point--maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a month, maybe not in a year, I've actually gone 5 years keeping weight off, but eventually it all comes back. This is because your body feels that it is going through a famine when you intentionally try to lose weight by dieting, and your survival instinct inspires you to binge to recover from your famine. This is how are bodies are designed, so don't think that you have a faulty body. Why do you suppose there are so many people struggling with binge eating? Because they are all trying NOT TO EAT; THEY ARE DIETING. The person who helped me understand this, plus much, much more, is author Jean Antonello. She has written some books that you could try to find at your local library. Just google her name. She also has a website called naturally-thin (use the hyphen).
What is really sad to me is that the diet experts of today are still clinging to archaic weightloss methods that DO NOT WORK. Okay, I'm sure many people will say that they have lost weight at some point in their lives, me included, but does it stay off permanently? Don't we all have to fight off binges as a result? Don't binges make us fearful of gaining all the weight we just lost back? And often, this is how we do end up gaining it all back, plus even more weight, through binge eating.
Jean Antonello (JA) explains how eating was meant to be, and how you can actually use eating to your advantage, and achieve the naturally thin weight your body was meant to have by not dieting. See, the diet experts of today have not thought of that yet---that you have to actually eat in order for your body to run efficiently, speed up metabolism, and get your body out of starvation mode. When you binge eat, your body inspires you to eat high fat/high sugar types of food, just as it would in a REAL FAMINE SITUATION, because it needs the ready energy that sugar supplies, and it needs the fat to store for future famines. A diet to your body is perceived as a famine. You will most certainly stop bingeing if you follow JA's principles that are outlined in her book. I have not binged since FEBRUARY '08 and I eat about 4 meals a day. You need to obey your body's hunger signals, and often they are the strongest in the morning hours when most people ignore them. If you ignore your hunger, it will have a snowball effect during the day and by evening you are easily overpowered by your survival instinct, and this is when most binges occur. It is because hunger has been ignored, either unconsciously or by a conscious traditional dieting effort.
Most people are immediately turned away from JA's principles because there is an initial weight gain (there is no way around this; this is how bodies are designed, and of course, if you have been dieting your body needs the "make-up" food in order for it to get the message that the famine (diet) is over, and it does not have to store fat any longer for future famines (diets.) Then there's a plateau period, and then sometimes it takes a couple years for your body to finally release the last of the the unnecessary pounds that it has been carrying around. You need to let your body handle this because it knows what it is doing. Former dieters always feel they can speed up the naturally-thin process if they undereat a little, but this will only backfire and keep you stuck. The more of your dieting lifestyle that you can give up, the better off you will be. Trying to apply these principles only loosely, while still restricting somewhat, will only keep you stuck. There's really no way to combine the NT principles with traditional dieting. You will not be successful if you do that, and it is not following NT. But when you look at the big picture, the initial weight gain and the couple years time is NOTHING compared to a lifetime free of binges and dieting. You will end up at your naturally thin weight and never have to worry about weight again. But you must be diligent to eat on time (meaning your body's time, not by the clock) and you must fill up on healthy foods until you are satisfied. Undereating and eating too late (too late=well beyond the time when you first noticed your hunger signals)will only cause overeating, so you must make sure you are satisfied (but not stuffed with buttons popping off). After only one week of following the NT principles I stopped bingeing. But if you cling to any of your dieting methods, this program will not work. JA's progam is called an "Anti-Diet" and she means it! So if you are still clinging to your calorie charts and obsessive exercising, and whatever other means dieters employ, you can free yourself from all of that and start eating the way it was meant to be enjoyed, and start living a normal life! I can't tell you how freeing it has been for me to realize that eating can make me thin, and it was dieting that made me fat!
This is what I've also realized: humans aren't meant to deprive themselves of food and go hungry or starve themselves. That only causes overeating, and bingeing. This is why we have an obesity epidemic. People are becoming overweight because of dieting. TOO much exercising can also cause a famine situation in your body in the same way dieting can. You have hunger signals for a reason. They aren't meant to be ignored. If you eat enough good (healthy) food until you are satisfied, your body will lose interest in all of the sugary/fattening foods you typically binge on.
(I don't know what I did to cause my former account to become deactivated, but if you don't hear from me again, then maybe it was deactivated again! That of course will be sad, because my only intention has been to share the resources that have truly helped me understand & overcome my binge eating!!!)
glad you ride again, risabelle! lol
Hope everyone's doing well.
sharonclaire, congrats on your first weight loss month! that is so good to hear. I have been eating "normally" these past few months. I have gone from my low weight of 118 in April to now around 132. I don't like this extra weight on me but i hate living the restricted lifestyle when i was eating practically nothing.... i just hope i start to plateau soon!
so this week has been insane as im part of a volunteer student organization that runs the orientation program for first years at our university. It's been 2.5 hours of sleep a night since sunday and will continue like that till this coming sunday when the week is officially over.
in terms of eating, it has been bad, a lot of cookies, ice cream and just sugary or fake food to keep us moving, cause theres no time for real food. though i havent been bingeing and we do walk over 5 hours a day and on sunday and monday were lifting luggage up 9 flights of stairs (for 8 hours), my eating has been crappy and have almost binged. But today I made a promise to get back on track and really work hard to keep a healthy diet in check.
i hope everyone is doing great but I have to run because another event is soon to start!
jenny, just hang tight. I honestly didn't go through much weight increase (about 10 pounds) but when you start to drop it's really a great feeling. Just remember that it all makes a lot of sense. If you are not overeating (and you will know it because your body will tell you when you are not) you will feel different, healthy. And, thank you for the kudos!
everyone have a great day!
I had a donut today washed down by skim choco milk of all things. thought I would really love it at the time. Now, tho, I see that I spent some really valuable calories for nothing worth repeating in the immediate future, tho I am sure I will never fully put that away! I also feel at a real loss for how to follow up on this...my head aches a little and my palette feels like it's been assaulted. Don't get me wrong...I DO eat dark choco almost daily and homemade cookies, too, but the ingredients are different. I don't eat pizza out anymore because I can only taste the sugar and there really was so much grease to the donut it left a filmy sort of aftertaste I can't describe. sort of a letdown. so, just don't know what to follow it up w/. Guess once I start eating veggies again, I will be back on.
I am still losing weight steadily...probably about 1.5-2#/week. Still trying to adjust to all the positive changes but certainly not standing in the way of it, either. Once you open that door, it's like dominoes...all the positive things you've been fighting sort of flood in. It's kind of cool, really.
Hope everyone is still fighting the monster. The trick is to get it beaten back to a point where it's insignificant...not totally disappeared but also not the predominant behavior. Once that balance shifts, you pretty well are on your way to putting it behind you. To get to the point where the balance shifts, all one has to do is replace bad behaviors w/more positive ones. I say 'all one has to do' but we all know that this is the real challenge! You can do it! I am finally doing it! My best to everyone!