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Not beautiful enough for my husband

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I am so upset! I found what my husband said about me on one of the message boards he is writting on. He said: "I had always hoped to marry a beautiful woman. That didn't work out too well. So I made the best I could with what I was given."

I know I am not a supermodel but I deserve to be treated with respect! What do I do? I gained 90 lb since we got married and it is only because I moved here (for him!) from another country. The food is very different from what I am used to and my body was fighting it. and couldn't ork for a while, was stuck at home.

What do I do? I am so upset. I want to starve myself to death. Freaking food!

Edited Dec 30 2012 14:18 by coach_k
Reason: 5-yr old thread has become a touchstone for trolling. Not OP fault but not necessary, eight
62 Replies (last)

You ARE beautiful.  Pretty and thin do NOT mean the same thing.
I think you should confront him about it.

Nobody should be treated that way by ANYONE, especially their spouse.


I second what sprout21 said. No matter how cliche this sounds, it's whats on the inside that matters. If you feel as though you want to lose weight and shape up , then do it for yourself, not for him. If you don't feel like loosing weight and are happ they way you are, tell him that. If your happy he should be happy.


Cheer up!

Judging by your profile pic you're cute?....What the hell kind of man would say something like that, is he bald and fat and harry because he sounds like he might be! Lol!  This country is full of magazines of women who have fake boobs and no waiste line yet the majority of our country actually looks quite the opposite!  I sometimes find myself feeling insecure when I compare myself to the women in those magazines and videos my boyfriend's hard not to.  You just have to remember that everyone is different for good reasons and what you look like doesn't define who you are. 


For your own personal satisfaction, I think you should get in shape to feel better physically and mentally and then dump his ass!!!!  There are plenty of appreciative men out there that would consider themselves lucky to have you!!!!

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i'm sorry to read that! I personally think think that the problem u have is not the food ...but your husband! what he wrote is disrespectful, and in your situation I would probably confront him! I also moved from another country ..and I am hating the food here (from Italy to belgium...can u imagine the difference....foodwise?)at the beginning i gained some weight because what we ate was really bad, fatty and creamy food mostly! but then i decided I was going to eat decent and I did it by myself..i go and buy my own food and eat I reached my perfect weight! and I feel good! its a matter of finding the right everything!

hope ur husband makes it up somehow! and hope u feel good soon!


thank you guys!
you are great. I love this site - it is like a family that also motivates you. I am trying to do my best and I'll see what he says when I fit in some of those Victoria Secret pieces in N-months. :-)) And I WILL! You guys are great, thank you again

Not defending him by any means...but what context are you taking this statement? was this a lone statement or in response to something or taken from a paragraph or what?! Im really just curious...sometimes words can be twisted when a single statement is taken out of context....ESPECIALLY if it was a vent of sorts and he was just venting some frustration...Maybe he didn't want to bottle it up and blow up at you...I dont know.

Does your hubby know that you look at the same message boards that he does? If he does, I think you should talk to him about it, in a non defensive way. Maybe this experience can help yall grow?...if he doesnt...then tread carefully, because even though yes its a public forum, he could think that youve been snoping on him and that could cause trust issues if they arent there already.

I understand the situation all too well. My husband has always said that I am the smartest, funniest, and most gorgeous (in the face) woman he has known BUT my body does not turn him on and so he has embarked on a 3 year program to get me where he wants my body. Honestly, I resisted and would just pretend I ran or I would start hiding food that I had been eating. He traveled alot so he did not see it. 

I always knew that I had to do it for me and not for him. I had to continue to like me and how I was. I had to be ready to embark on the journey for me and not for his approval. I did tell him this over and over. 

I have now gotten to where I want to be healthy for me and to enjoy my life better. If it ends up making him happy well that's nice but it's not the important thing. 

His comments about you while they may be how he feels and expresses to his best buddies are hurtful and callous. I would confront him about it in a respectful manner using alot of 'I' sentences vs. 'You' sentences. Tell him how it felt from your perspective. 

Good Luck and stay on your path. 

your husband is a pig, an a-hole and does not deserve to be with you.  if you feel you need to change your weight, do it for you and go into the effort knowing you are improving yourself, not making yourself "beautiful" for some jerky man, who I'm sure could stand some improvement too. 

(I'm trying real hard not to curse here, because I saw your forum title and became enraged at the thought that someone's making you feel the way they are). 

I would be really upset too if he was posting about me on a forum.  You think he'd be able to communicate to you how he felt in a respectful manner?  you do deserve to be treated with respect and if your husband's acting like this about his perception of your weight who knows how else he's disrespecting you.  Stand strong, for yourself, your self-esteem, and all women who have to deal with a judgmental husband or partner. 

Many of the people posting before me had some great advice, not an anger fueled opinion.  I was in your situation once, not married but in a LTR and I told him to hit the bricks after I found out he was making jokes about me to our mutual friends. 

Honestly, IMHO, your husband is a jackass in this particular area.   I'm sure he has redeeming qualities or you wouldn't have married him.   But that's just mean.  Who says that about his wife to anyone?  Think it maybe... say it... Never.   

Mine has his issues (God knows he can never seem to put anything away, which drives me insane) but he loves me as I am.  He knows I have issues about being the size that I am and goes out of his way to tell me that I'm beautiful at least to him.  I'm down from 224# to 208# and he told me and I"m quoting... "If you get get any hotter, I won't be able to keep my hands off you."  I'm 5'8" and I should way about 145#.  That, IMHO, is the kind of thing a proper husband should say.

Instead of wanting to starve yourself to death, why not get angry enough to show him?  Add fuel to fire up your determination.  Show him you can be healthy and gorgeous.  If he doesn't straighten out, trade him in for an upgrade.  Seriously, men have been obsolete since the invention of the D-cell....

As a guy speaking, your beautiful. Your picture shows a cute beautiful woman. If you dumped your husband you would have no problems in finding another guy in a heart beat. He on the other hand might find that women will think hes a pig. Best wishes M Ps read the comments from the ladies on this thread.
And this is why snooping on your partner's message boards is a bad idea. I'm not excusing what he said - WTF is up with that? - but he did not say it intending to hurt you, and it was not even directly to you.

Since you did see it, though, and it's likely to haunt you for some time, it's probably best to talk to him about it, and ask him whether it means that he is unhappy in the marriage. Assuming that you have your citizenship/residency by now, there is no reason why you must stay with him. Everyone deserves to be with someone who thinks they are desirable.
 I agree with iron-mike, you are a cute beautiful woman.  I am sorry that you read that.  When you have calmed down, talk to him.  Dont accuse him.  Just let him know how it made you feel.  As one person said, it wasnt directed at you.  If your marriage is strong, this will be a mere bump in the road.  "dont toss the baby out with the bathwater"

Work hard at making your marriage a stronger one.  When difficulties arise, if you work together at it, will make  your marriage stronger.  hang in there.  dont throw the towel in.

I am hoping for the best for you.

love, Karen

you know whats REALLY how so many people say "DUMP HIM" over one comment that could have been taken out of context.....without giving a 2nd thought to how painful (emotionally and financially) divorce is....

Once again, not defending the comment...but geez people...I guess some of yall have some seriously nit-picky deal breakers....

that is so horrible!!!!

you are beautiful and he doesn't deserve u


Thank you again guys! I feel sooo much better after reading all these nice things you have to say. I guess dieting (plus PMS) didn't add any "niceness" to my behavior today and I just needed to vent.

Just an update: my husband says he loves me no matter what and begged to forgive him. After a while I did (sigh) - I know I cannot be mad at him for a long time.

Thanks, you are great and WE ARE ALL B-E-A-UTIFUL (Jim Carrey "Bruce Almighty") LOL

glad things are good to go....

now that is what a hubby is supposed to do when hes caught venting in public:)

Original Post by davefiredancer19:

glad things are good to go....

now that is what a hubby is supposed to do when hes caught venting in public:)

 oh, yes, and he'll make sure it never repeats again (I will atke care of that, LOL)

hahaha...I'm sure he doesn't want his manparts in a trophy case :) (I'm mean mean mean mean mean)

hahaha my poor SO got all flustered when he told me my "pudge..err...stomach area..." looked better...i was like...hahaha you said pudge...

All I have to say is a man like that does not deserve a russian woman! And I would also say leave that pig, now!, but I realize that I am a little more extreme than most...
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I think there are two problems, the statement and the stating of it.  It's good that you feel you can forgive him and that he realized it upset you.  However, even if he needed to vent, he publicly humiliated you.  I dare say that upset you almost as much as what he said.  There is an inappropriateness involved in that action that I would make clear to avoid similar situations.  Not that he, or you, can't vent just that there be a little more care taken of the relationship in doing so. 

Secondly, the statement.  What that something he really meant?  Did he say that because he felt the need to lash out, but couldn't figure out what the real issue was?  Was he just being cavalier?  These are the kinds of things I would be dealing with if I found out my husband said something like that.  Just my thoughts.

62 Replies (last)