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can someone answer my question?

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So I'm a recovering anorexic... (I hate admitting it, but it's true)

Because I was restricting for so long, did I mess up my metabolism forever? I don't want to go to my pre ED weight then gain more, then hate myself for how fat I've become...

My mom and dad don't really support me.. My mom and dad just yell at me to eat more, then leave the room. So I usually end up cheating.. Like yesterday they told me to eat a small piece of pork, but since they left the room I never did..

I know I eat very little but it still feels like I ate so much. I always feel fat and guilty after I eat... I just don't want to feel like this anymore...
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Before I started my recovery program, this was one of my biggest fears too. I was so afraid that because I was maintaining a much too low weight for so long on minimal calories, my metabolism would never be the same and I was doomed to restrict for the rest of my life or gain a ton of weight. Well, I ended up listening to my dietician and ate what she said to and yes, at first I did gain weight, but it was completely necessary. And then, suddenly, I stopped. I didn't change what I was eating at all but my metabolism returned to normal and my body decided to stop gaining and remain at the healthy weight I've been maintaining for months. I can assure you, you did NOT, in no way, mess up your metabolism forever. But, if you continue to restrict you will harm your body in other ways. I highly recommended that you talk to your parents about getting professional help. As much as your mom and dad may want you to get better, they are in no way qualified to successfully handle recovery from anorexia. Just wanting to recover and acknowledging your eating disorder is a huge step in itself and you're definitely on the right track. You're doing great so far.

Thank you! i really hope my metabolism comes back soon x.X

Lately i've been doing this thing where i look in the fridge and take a bite out of almost everything in the fridge... (i'm literally talking about EVERYTHING)  and after about 10 min later i realize what i've done and i feel so ashamed... i don't now whats wrong with me! my body doesn't tell me whether i am hungry or full anymore... Is this what you call binging?

Yes..what you just described would be a binge. You've deprived yourself of calories and yummy food for so long that your body is desperate for it! Eating a healthy amount of calories will kickstart your metabolism again. Don't deprive yourself of the food you love just don't binge on it. Incorporate it into your daily caloric needs.
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Bingeing is usually compulsive eating, and be triggered by a variety of things. So yes, what you described, could have very well been a binge. I know what helps me with not bingeing when those feelings come on is to remind myself that I am not restricting anymore. For example, on the very rare occasion that I used to allow myself something sweet and "bad" to eat, my eating disorder would make me feel guilty about eating it and tell me that, since there was no way I was going to eat anything like that for a looong time, to eat a bunch of it then to make up for it. But now, instead of, say, taking a second slice of cheesecake, I tell myself that there's no need to eat a ton in the moment because if I'm hungry and craving it I can always eat more of whatever I want  tomorrow,or even later that day if I want too.

As for hunger cues, mine only came back after I had regularly ate a normal amount of food for a few weeks. Before that I didn't get hungry or full, just ate according to a certain amount of caloric and time rules. What you need to do is start eating enough and really fight this eating disorder. If you haven't already, I really recommend getting professional help. You are doing wonderful though.  Stay strong! And if you need anything feel free to PM me.

I hate feeling like this >.< I really hope my hunger cues come back, cause I don't know when to stop and when to eat...

I am getting help but the doctor cancelled on me for two weeks in a row... And since this is the first weeks, I'm kinda afraid to talk to him.. Will I be able to trust him...?

Also what did your recovery meal plans look like? Since my doctor keeps canceling I want to see what it will be like .
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