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Please don't yell just need reassurance...

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I know I know ED is talking and I am meant to be gaining weight but this week has been abysmal. There is no excuse but my family are making me feel really terrible making it really hard to push. Anyway today I had 900cals when usually I have 500 max. Will I gain weight after one day of eating more? I know I'm meant to be gaining and I'm sorry for asking this I really am I'm just in a bad place at the moment :(

Edited Sep 09 2011 10:54 by coach_k
Reason: locked pending moderator review -- triggering and under-eating
4 Replies (last)

NEVER apologize for trying to get help with your ED!!  I have recovered from anorexia and I know that the absolute hardest part is the eating part.  I would've loved recovery from the start if I didn't have to eat.  Unfortunatly, that is the most important part.  It is going to be extremely scary to eat more especially when you have reasons to restict.  I would've never been able to eat if I didn't find another way to deal with the chaos in my life that replaced my eating disorder in a healthy way.  One of my biggest fears in life is the unknown and that is what weight gain is becasue everyone has a different body that will do different things.  In my case I had to eat over 2500cals to gain the slightest bit at first because my body had to make up for all of the missed meals but once I was nourished again I gained on much less.  Other people do gain when they increase just a little it just depends.  I give you a huge KUDOS today though for going over your comfort zone! Laughing That is the first step to moving forward in recovery!  You are doing great!!  I do reccomend increasing your intake little by little though so that eventually you will be eating normal amounts and hopfully get your health back! Something that helped me was finding a way to challenge my eating disorder everyday to prove to myself that I was going to get better and that I was doing everything I possibly could to make it happen.  I cried and cried everyday until it eventually started to feel more normal to eat and I realized that I was doing the right thing by ditching my eating disorder.  Recovery is the hardest expierence of life with an ED but and it stinks but the best part of life comes after!  Just remember that!  An amazing place exists ouside your eating disorder and you ARE going to get there! Laughing Great Job and I hope I helped!

I wont yell,  but you have been on here long enough and studied this ED enough to know that 

1 you will not gain weight.

2.  you are sick and you must gain weight

3,  i will let you in on the big secret,  and its true when you eat more and you getup to a healthy bmi,  the numbers just dont matter so much,  please start gaining now,  you have been playing at this for months  

Thank you both.

I know I am bashing my head against a brick wall, hence the frustration from my friends and family and the hurtful comments which are pulling me back. I think a lot of fear comes from the fact that I really did try about 6 months ago to do this and  I put on 4 kg in 2 weeks! It completely threw me and I have now lost it all plus some, making this the worst my ED has been. I am wasting my mums money with my therapist because I just lie and continue on my same path of destruction. I mean really I think that having 400 cals extra one day is going to make my weight increase? Even if I did that everyday it probably still wouldn't as I am starving myself. Why can't I believe this. Ugh rant over. Tomorrow is a new day. Oh and I am super super stressed as I am starting a new waitressing job and I don't want to screw it up!!

Original Post by lilcarty: I am starting a new waitressing job and I don't want to screw it up!!

Lil, reassuring you that you won't gain weight should actually be BAD news for you in your current state.

Waitresses cannot survive on 500 calories a day. Been there, tried that - it is very embarrassing to be a rubbish waitress, and eventually faint at work and have to leave blaming it on imaginary 'glandular fever' ( Mono/mononucleosis ).

I am in no position to lecture you on what you eat right now, as I am in a bad bad place too. I just hope and pray that there is a way out of this, for all of us with ED's.

4 Replies