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Why I will NEVER EVER go back to ED!!!

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Hello everyone!  Most of you guys know me but in case you don't I recovered from anorexia and I come on here to try to help people with their EDs! :)

Anyways, I was thinking today "how do I REALLY know that I will never relapse again?" so I made this list to help remind myself about why recovery is AMAZING and I thought it might help people on here!!! 

  1. I can connect with people on a deeper level and I always get an awesome feeling when I have a conversation about things that are meaningful and being fully engaged.
  2. I feel good in my own skin.  It is so weird but I feel skinnier and prettier than I ever did at my lowest weight.  I know that the skinnier part is not true but I just feel so good where I am and I never did at that weight (but I am definitely prettier now inside and out!!!!)!
  3. I wake up every morning excited to get dressed and ready for the day.  This kind of goes with the last one but clothes feel good and look good on me.  I feel good about taking care of myself and have fun putting on makeup (not like I am obligated to do so).
  4. I can eat what makes my body feel good without having to give it extensive thought.  This save me A LOT of time that I can spend on more productive things!!!
  5. I feel things.  I don't repress my feelings, I express them in an appropriate manner.  I don't feel weak crying and I know that sadness is temporary for me.  I actually in a weird way like the bad feelings as much as the good because it reminds me that I am very human and I don't have to be perfect.
  6. I feel equal to the people around me.  In my ED I always felt like I was a lesser person and I was never good enough to be able to stand up for myself and voice my opinion but now that has all changed.  I am able to tell people when I don't think they criticism is constructive and when I disagree with them without worrying of them not liking me (this has never been the outcome by the way!).
  7. I have developed what has truly become the most important thing in my life: a healthy relationship between my mind and my body.  I would NEVER want to give this up for anything because I feel like this is the key to beauty (sorry if this is corny but it is true).  I feel confident in who I am and what I look like and I feel like my mind and body help take care of each other.  It's a great feeling!
  8. I get to help all of you AMAZING people recover from your EDs!!!!  I love doing this whenever I have time and I love the fact that I am able to be a part of this awesome community as someone that has helpful knowledge.  This also makes me stay on track because I can't give you advice if I don't follow it myself  

I have several other reasons but this has already gotten really long so I'm going to stop now!!!  Thanks you guys and happy recovery!!! :)

Edited to add:

I wanted to share with you guys a truly beautiful person who recently beat her ED and that is the user lifewillgetbetter1993.  Her story brought tears to my eyes this morning because she wrote some of the most inspirational words that I think EVERYONE with an ED should read. I am so honored to have had the chance to work with her and she is destined for AMAZING things.  Her message to everyone is: 

"to all the ed sufferers i just want to say. nobody can help you if you don't help yourself. It took many awhile to finally decide to gain weight and ive relapsed many times but i didnt give up this time. The days of feeling fat depressed and disappointed will pass. a period is soo important and essential for us girls. please anyone reading this dont ignore it. no outfit in the world is more important than your health

i had to go from a bmi of 19.5 to 22 but it was all worth it. Seriously i was so depressed at my lowest weight and i never want to be in that place ever again. my hair was falling, my skin was dry, i was moody and had no periods. recovery is soo hard. especially when you have to be patient cuz youve gained weight but not your periods. it took me 3 and a half weeks of eating properly to get it back. i ate lots of meat. Alot of red meat and chicken. i would finish a jar of pb a week. i've had moments of waking up at three at night to eat pb. ive had weeks of niggt sweats and PMS symptoms. ive got my boobs back. i ferl like a woman again. avocado, olive oil, meat, pb, nutella, ice cream, full fat dairy are your bestfriend. i would eat a cup of ice cream, milk and yogurt aday. it works wonders i tell u. just dont think about calories and eat. thats what i did. i count myself lucky cuz i got my period back pretty soon after i made these changes.”

Edited Dec 29 2012 13:28 by coach_k
Reason: Released from sticky 12/29/12; stickied for a time -- edited at OP request
172 Replies (last)
Hi, how overweight we're you? Are you bulimic or anorexic?

whatalifewithlove- Hey!  I was never "overweight" but I was on the higher end of a healthy weight range.  My highest weight was 128 and I am 5'2.5 with a muscular build.  I suffered from anorexia with exercise addiction.  I hope these answers helped you out some!  How are you doing??

Can someone please help me. i lost my periods due to a lowfat diet and sudden weight loss. i havent had one since january this year and i've never been underweight. My lowest weight was 108 lbs and iam 5ft 3. i've been eating very well now and i dont count calories anymore. iam around 118 to 120 lbs now but i still havent got my periods back. I eat pb everyday as well as almonds, eggs, pistachios, ice cream and full fat cheese, yogurt and milk. I eat red meat as much as i can too. I've stopped calorie counting for 2 weeks and eating everything i've read on this website that is supposed to bring back my periods as well having a bmi above 20 but i still havent got my periods back. I also dont exercise anymore. Has anyone experienced loss of periods due to restrictive eating and overcome it if so can you please help me. i just dont know what to do
Hi Flowergirl! I am back from vacation having eaten above 2000 cals for about 10 days. I am afraid to weigh myself now and a little worried that my hubby will think I look fat. What is strange for me though is that even after a day of eating say 2300 cals I still feel hungry the next day!! I know it sounds very strange to say it but my mind is quite relieved that I can process all this food on a regular basis without it catching up to me! One other weird revelation is that I seem to enjoy eating bread again after yrs of restricting simple carbs. Can you tell me whether it is healthy for me in the long run, or will I become unhealthy now that my fear of eating typical American foods like yogurt, ice cream and cake have deminished. You see cc regularly gives me a B when I consume eggs and sodium and so I find myself worrying about doing myself all kinds of harm when I relax my high standards. I hate putting crap into my body but how can I recover quickly if I am so careful I miss out on key calories as the bad stuff makes food more fun to eat. What approach should I take?

lifewillgetbetter: Hi hun!  I think that it should be a matter of time for them to come back!  It usually takes about a month-two months for your periods to start again when you start eating more fats and are at a healthy weight.  Sometimes more for some people.  In my case it was a month and a half before I got one and then it went on a weird cycle that i am told will change sometime (it's a 6 week cycle).  If you would like to know if you are likely to get them, then you can go get blood work to check your hormone levels to see if they are normal.  If they are then you should be getting one anytime now!!  I hope this has helped and good luck with regaining your period!!  BTW AMAZINGLY PHENOMENAL job at quitting dieting and getting to a healthy weight!!! :D

whatalifewithlove: Great job with eating more!!!  That is REALLY good that you were more hungry after you ate 2300 calories because it means that your metabolism got a jump start!!!  Eating carbs is not a bad thing at all even if they are simple.  The only people who really need to watch these things are people who have medical conditions like diabetes and heart disease.  For me, I eat a dessert almost everyday because it tastes good!  It won't make you gain weight because there are no foods that can make you gain more than others.  Your weight is solely based on calories in vs calories out.  I personally don't like CC's grading system because it kind of gives food moral values like this food is "good" while this one is "bad" when really you can eat whatever you want as long as you stop when you are satisfied.  Eggs for example are REALLY healthy but they get a B due to cholesterol even though it is good cholesterol.  I think that you should eat what you want to!  Like you said your body can process it and this would be like intuitive eating which is the healthiest and most natural way to eat!!!  You are SOOO AMAZING and I am really proud of you for upping your calories and getting rid of fear foods!!! :D  

flowergirl275- thank you sooo much. you're right i need to be patient and just keep eating i guess. I have promised myself to not step on the scale anymore because even thinking about my weight being above 8 st scares me. do you think the foods i've listed are good enough to get them back or do you think i need to add any other types of foods? which foods helped you in particular? iam going to get a blood test done in 2 days and see what the results are next week. Thank you again so much

lifewillgetbetter: You're welcome sweetie!! Anytime!!!  It sounds like the foods you are eating are pretty good.  Some ones to add that really helped me were olive oil, sun flower oil and grape seed oil.  I would mix them in smoothies and I even put plain sun flower oil straight on salad with some lime juice.  Also dark chocolate and soy milk because both of these can help regulate your hormones especially estrogen.  I agree with not stepping on the scale.  I only have a rough idea of what my weight is and when I used to go in for weigh ins I did them blind.  The number on the scale really doesn't matter because I feel good and I'm healthy!!  That's really good you are getting blood work done!  I hope the results turn out good!!! :)

flowergirl275- thank u hun i hope so too. this is the most stressful thing and i keep getting the urge to restrict all the time but i have to remind myself how important my health is. I use olive oil and sunflower oil for cooking and olive spread on wholemeal bread. i eat afew squares of dark chocolate most days but iam not sure about soy milk as i've heared too many negative things about it :/ i will close my eyes for the next weigh in at the hospital next week :)

lifewillgetbetter: It sounds like you are doing everything you possible can right now!  I hope all goes well and you get it soon!!! Remember that every day of not restricting is one day closer to getting it!!! :D

Hi! In 2010-2011 I recovered from a serious bout of anorexia and was pretty stable. Unfortunately, over the last academic year I have been relapsing in and out of bulimia (which was a condition before the anorexia) which caused serious weight fluctuation.

Anyways, over my last few months of battling bulimia (trying to recover, giving in..) I gained 3 lbs which wasn't a big deal, but once I swore to myself to be healthy and not do that to myself anymore no matter how stressed, anxious, or hurt I was, I have gained another 4-6 and it has only been a little under 3 weeks and I haven't even been over 2000 cal regularly and trying to get at least a little walk in every day.

I don't understand what is happening and I starting to hate my body but I am being healthy and I am very torn. Do you have any advice of what to do (I didnt need to gain the weight, I was already a normal weight, I just want to be healthy too) and I would love any insight you could give me on why this is happening?

Please help, and thank you for your time.

pebs: Hey!!!  I want to start by saying that it is AMAZING that you have quit your ED behaviors!!!  WOO HOO!!! :)

It sounds to me like the weight you are gaining is water.  Everyone has an amount of calories where they lose weight, gain weight and maintain their weight.  If you are eating an amount of calories that is between the point where you lose weight and where you maintain, your body is only partially functioning.  If you are eating less than 2000 calories a day, there is a good chance that you are eating in that range where your body is only getting enough to perform some of the things that it needs to do but it wants to be able to function fully so it uses water to try to compensate.  This is VERY common and it happens to LOTS of people!  It happened to me and as soon as I started eating enough for my body to function at its best, I lost about 7lbs of water in two weeks!  How many calories are you eating now?

I am more than happy to help and you can contact me at any time!!! :D

I try to get about 1200 because I don't think I was in a deficit of calories yet (since it was bulimia by itself, I actually gained weight from the cycle) and would like to go back to my original weight. I'm hoping you're right about the water and I suppose I should try to eat a bit more. Do you have any tips for flushing water weight? I heard its good to drink lots of water and things like tea. Thanks for your response above!

Dear Flowergirl, yes! water is a ****! I am gaining and I can't seem to stop. I get 2000 cals every day almost and the weight is not magically coming off at all. How much did you eat before you had this 7 lb weight loss? How many cals do you have to eat now? Are you working out and did you workout during your 2 week weight fluctuation of 7 lbs? I am sorry if I am being annoying bit I am quite fed up a the moment.

pebs: I am certain now that the weight gain you are experiencing is water due to low calories.  I would up what your eating to 1600 to start and then gradually add in by 100 till you are eating 2000+.  To help flush out water, tea and water are great!!  Also, eating more calorie dense food specifically fats because they aid in digestion and also eating more fats can trick your body into thinking that it has more body fat than it actually does so it prevents the storage of more.  Also, make sure you eat an average amount of fiber.  A lot of people with EDs will eat more fiber than is recommended and it will cause water retention.  Usually 30g is a good number.  I hope that this helps and keep me posted!!!! :)

whatalifewithlove: hahaha I know!!! Water STINKS!!!  When I lost my water weight I lost it on 2300-2400 with 45 minute walks 3 days a week and yoga 3 days a week.  I still pretty much follow that plan just not as strict.  I have days where I am a little over and others when I am a little under but is balances out.  You are not being annoying at all!  I understand how frustrating water weight can be.  I explained other things that can help water weight above but I will list them here as well!   To help flush out water, tea and water are great!!  Also, eating more calorie dense food specifically fats because they aid in digestion and also eating more fats can trick your body into thinking that it has more body fat than it actually does so it prevents the storage of more.  Also, make sure you eat an average amount of fiber.  A lot of people with EDs will eat more fiber than is recommended and it will cause water retention.  Usually 30g is a good number.  I really hope that the water starts coming off soon!!  If it doesn't I would recommend going to see a doctor about it to see if there is another contributing factor.  Best of wishes and keep me posted!!!! :D

I've just weighed in at 104lbs and this is 4 more than before I started adding cals to above 2000-2300. Now I definately can't see that I am repairing anything if I am gaining. I wonder if I just cut back my cals to 1500 or so I can stop the weight gain from advancing even more. I can definately stop eating dairy again and cut out desserts every day. I can also walk with a weight vest some days. It is sad to think that my recovery is all about my weight but in a way, I just feel trapped at this point.

whatalifewithlove: I would for surely try the no dairy again.  It takes at least two weeks with that to notice a difference.  I am lactose intolerant and I know that if I eat dairy I get really bloated.  If you don't notice results in the two weeks then I would say to try to go to the doctor and see if there is something wrong that could be contributing.  There are tons of things that are common in people with EDs like food allergies, hormone imbalances/thyroid issues, electrolyte imbalances and other things that could have been induced through your ED.  I'm so so sorry that you are feeling so down right now. :(  But whatever is happening it WILL get resolved and I really hope that you will be able to feel good again!

Wow, thank you flowergirl for your advice and insight! I am trying to up the calories, but it is very difficult when you're at this weight you never wanted to be! Thank you for the advice about the fiber also, I would have never thought about that! All the tea and coffee I am drinking to flush water is causing me to break out a bit (caffeine, yay) but I figure I will deal with that after this craziness. I will update you in a few days and see if I make any progress. Thanks again :)

Flowergirl275- hey hun i just wanted to give you a quick update. Its coming to the 3rd week since i've started eating properly again and i've been sweating almost every night for the past 2 weeks. i wake up like 3 to 4 times every night because of sweat. i leave the windows open and dont even use a blanket or anything and i've also been bloated for weeks now and it just wont go away. I miss my flat stomach and i still havent got my periods back. I dont know what to do :(

pebs: You are most certainly welcome!!!  I hope that everything works out and definitely keep me posted!! :)

lifewillgetbetter: Hi!  Thank you for the update!  I wasn't really sure about the night sweating but after doing some research I found that it could be a symptom of PMS.  I also know that bloating is a HUGE symptom of PMS as well!  I'm sorry to say but I think I had PMS symptoms for about a month or so before I got my period back.  It really is NOT fun at all and I struggled with relapsing because of the bloating.  The thing to keep in mind is that if you don't stick with it, you won't get your period.  Focus on that and that by getting one that is your body's way of saying that it is healthy!!! :)  Please, please keep with it and when you get it, all of this should go away!!! 


I recently recovered from an ED and I'm starting a blog!!


Come check me out... may not be too many posts yet though. just starting! 

Thanks for all the support on caloriecount! 

172 Replies (last)