Important Update: Calorie Count will be shutting down on March 15th. Please click here to read the announcement. Data export is available.
Health & Support
Moderators: tigermoth5, autopilotfrank193, nycgirl, bierorama, ksylvan, peaches0405

Why I will NEVER EVER go back to ED!!!

Quote  |  Reply

Hello everyone!  Most of you guys know me but in case you don't I recovered from anorexia and I come on here to try to help people with their EDs! :)

Anyways, I was thinking today "how do I REALLY know that I will never relapse again?" so I made this list to help remind myself about why recovery is AMAZING and I thought it might help people on here!!! 

  1. I can connect with people on a deeper level and I always get an awesome feeling when I have a conversation about things that are meaningful and being fully engaged.
  2. I feel good in my own skin.  It is so weird but I feel skinnier and prettier than I ever did at my lowest weight.  I know that the skinnier part is not true but I just feel so good where I am and I never did at that weight (but I am definitely prettier now inside and out!!!!)!
  3. I wake up every morning excited to get dressed and ready for the day.  This kind of goes with the last one but clothes feel good and look good on me.  I feel good about taking care of myself and have fun putting on makeup (not like I am obligated to do so).
  4. I can eat what makes my body feel good without having to give it extensive thought.  This save me A LOT of time that I can spend on more productive things!!!
  5. I feel things.  I don't repress my feelings, I express them in an appropriate manner.  I don't feel weak crying and I know that sadness is temporary for me.  I actually in a weird way like the bad feelings as much as the good because it reminds me that I am very human and I don't have to be perfect.
  6. I feel equal to the people around me.  In my ED I always felt like I was a lesser person and I was never good enough to be able to stand up for myself and voice my opinion but now that has all changed.  I am able to tell people when I don't think they criticism is constructive and when I disagree with them without worrying of them not liking me (this has never been the outcome by the way!).
  7. I have developed what has truly become the most important thing in my life: a healthy relationship between my mind and my body.  I would NEVER want to give this up for anything because I feel like this is the key to beauty (sorry if this is corny but it is true).  I feel confident in who I am and what I look like and I feel like my mind and body help take care of each other.  It's a great feeling!
  8. I get to help all of you AMAZING people recover from your EDs!!!!  I love doing this whenever I have time and I love the fact that I am able to be a part of this awesome community as someone that has helpful knowledge.  This also makes me stay on track because I can't give you advice if I don't follow it myself  

I have several other reasons but this has already gotten really long so I'm going to stop now!!!  Thanks you guys and happy recovery!!! :)

Edited to add:

I wanted to share with you guys a truly beautiful person who recently beat her ED and that is the user lifewillgetbetter1993.  Her story brought tears to my eyes this morning because she wrote some of the most inspirational words that I think EVERYONE with an ED should read. I am so honored to have had the chance to work with her and she is destined for AMAZING things.  Her message to everyone is: 

"to all the ed sufferers i just want to say. nobody can help you if you don't help yourself. It took many awhile to finally decide to gain weight and ive relapsed many times but i didnt give up this time. The days of feeling fat depressed and disappointed will pass. a period is soo important and essential for us girls. please anyone reading this dont ignore it. no outfit in the world is more important than your health

i had to go from a bmi of 19.5 to 22 but it was all worth it. Seriously i was so depressed at my lowest weight and i never want to be in that place ever again. my hair was falling, my skin was dry, i was moody and had no periods. recovery is soo hard. especially when you have to be patient cuz youve gained weight but not your periods. it took me 3 and a half weeks of eating properly to get it back. i ate lots of meat. Alot of red meat and chicken. i would finish a jar of pb a week. i've had moments of waking up at three at night to eat pb. ive had weeks of niggt sweats and PMS symptoms. ive got my boobs back. i ferl like a woman again. avocado, olive oil, meat, pb, nutella, ice cream, full fat dairy are your bestfriend. i would eat a cup of ice cream, milk and yogurt aday. it works wonders i tell u. just dont think about calories and eat. thats what i did. i count myself lucky cuz i got my period back pretty soon after i made these changes.”

Edited Dec 29 2012 13:28 by coach_k
Reason: Released from sticky 12/29/12; stickied for a time -- edited at OP request
172 Replies (last)

Fabulous list!

I can see another 'stickied' thread here!!

I agree, this is amazing! :)

Can it be stickied for a while?

Congrats on your amazing recovery! You're an inspiration :)

Thanks!!! You guys are so sweet :)

Love this list! Thank you so much for reminding me of all the beautiful aspects of recovery!

Thank you sweetie!!!  I'm happy this helped you out!! :)

Hi there Flowergirl,

My ed was bulimia. I've had it a while. 30 yrs. i've been in recovery for 5 months and i love most of my new life except the weight gain.

I am 4ft 11inches or so, and 102lbs i think as i don't try to weigh myself very much.

I just freak out about the clothes that feel tighter than they used to. I don't like feeling so stuffed after my meals when i feel fat so the temptation is to get my meals over with as soon as i can. 

Do you think i have to get 2000 cals per day? I am quite small. Also, if i wanted to loose a couple of pounds in the future do you think this is out of the question after an ed?

Did your stomach remain flat or do you have to live with more of a tummy than before?

One thing i love about recovery is that i can socialize more and more. I don't ever want to go back to ed if it means i will be isolated from my loved ones again.

Do you feel the same way?

Anyway, i just wish you all the best now that you have recovered your life back.

Well done.

whatalifewithlove: AMAZING job on getting weight restored!!! :)  I'm sorry you still have body image issues though.  I don't know your metabolism very well but I would say that 2000 does sound reasonable for your stats.  What was the amount that you gained on?  That will help me give you a better answer!

As for weight loss, I would only do it if it is necessary for health reasons.  Sometimes though, people's weights will drop 1-3 pounds naturally a couple of months after being weight restored because their body trusts them again but I would not go out of my way to lose weight because I think part of the mental recovery is accepting your body at a healthy range.  I know that is A LOT easier said than done but I know it is possible because I am at a place where I don't care if I gain weight as long as I am healthy and I feel good in my body.  The number on the scale is something that I had to let go of and I haven't weighed myself in a very long time (I can't even remember the last time I knew my exact weight!).  I just know what my nutritionist tells me which is never my exact weight.

My waist is not as skinny as it used to be, but it is toned and I can see that I have a two pack!  After my weight redistributed, it went other places that aren't visible.  Honestly I think I look really good and fit!

Socializing and connecting are definitely big advantages to recovering!!!  I feel like I am present places and I love how I can actually relate to people and do things that most people do!!!

Thank you so much!!! Contact me at any time!!!! :) 

Quote  |  Reply

Hey there, how did you recover? Did you start eating a certain amount of calories/set a weight goal or did you just eat what you wanted until you were a healthy weight... also can I ask if you gained to your pre-ED weight or more and if this was a conscious decision? Do you still count calories? Sorry for so many Qs! Congrats on recovery! 

Igee:  Hey there!  I have had many attempts at recovery and many relapses but here is what I did that worked for me!  I started out by increasing 200 calories every three day until I got to 2700-2800 calories.  I stayed on that for about a month but I didn't gain a lot (only about 3-4lbs) and I had a lot more to gain than that so I made a decision to start eating 4000+ calories a day.  I did this for three to three and a half weeks until my body started to function normally.  I was seeing a nutritionist and she told me that I was around my set point weight due to several factors: healthy body fat percentage, I was acting more rational, I had a lot of energy, my mind was able to be present in therapy so that I could deal with the issues that caused my ED, and my hormone levels were normal.  It was basically where my body was showing the signs of functioning the best it possibly could.  My weight is below my pre-ED weight mainly because I was an athlete before and I had lost a lot of muscle through restricting and over using them.  I don't still count calories, I am an intuitive eater.  I don't weigh/measure my food either! I'm happy to answer any question that you may have and best of luck in your recovery!!! :)     

hi Flowergirl,

I gained 5lbs on just about 1500 i guess as i was not counting calories at the time. Now if i eat 2000 cals i seem to gain.

i relapsed 3 times since Feb 2012 and i guess that weight just stays with you each time you purge in recovery, and they say this weight is hard to loose until you recover.

I was about 97lbs at the start of recovery and now i am at 102-103 although i am afraid to get the actually number in case i freak out about it.

I know that 5lbs is not much, however i am very worried about spiralling upwards.

I also feel like i should be careful about eating too much fat and simple carbs in recovery as i want to minimise the amount of water i hold onto.


Any thoughts?


My guess is that it is water from purging and not eating enough.  

When you purge and don't eat enough, your body panics and retains more water to try to get to a higher weight where it is more functional.  I think that is you eat enough calories consistently that it should go down some.  I relapsed into over exercising at one point in my recovery and I gained seven pounds of water!  As soon as I lowered the exercise and ate a little more, the water dropped in two weeks!

I think we should try to see if that is the case for you right now.  Try to eat at least 2000 calories a day for at least a week and see what the results are.  Depending on what happens, we can see where to go from there!

As for the simple carbs and fat, the simple carbs I would limit because they do hold water but fats do not.  In fact they help metabolize water so try to eat more of them as well!! 

How does this sound to you?  Keep me posted on how you are doing and I hope this helps!!! :)

Alright Flowergirl,

I will try to up my calories today. I will have to be careful not to get too much salt or saturated fats.... I will be off to France tomorrow which will mean eating the protein bars i made for our trip and getting enough fluids whilst en route.


Take care and thanks for all your support thus far!!


whatalifewithlove: That sounds good!!  I hope that you have fun in France and Let me know how it all goes!!! :)

good on you :].. i wisH i couLD recOVER but i was fat befORE my ed so it'S hard :(

Hi Flowergirl! How are you doing? Thank you for taking me under your wing. My calories have gone up this week thanks to you! I even ate 2000 -2500 yesterday but I am only guessing. I seem to feel that it is ok to eat more bread and dessert than before. Is it ok to feel this way. If not, I am not sure how to up my calories in any better way. Any ideas?

C x

kittiekati: Thank you!  You CAN recover too!!!!  I know that you must be scared to be your old weight but I will tell you that is VERY unlikely!  Your body has changed SO much from being underweight that it would be hard for it to return to that.  I wish you the best and if you ever need anything you can contact me!!! :)

whatalifewithlove: You are doing AMAZINGLY AWESOME!!!!  It is totally fine to eat more breads and desserts and feel good about it because that is kicking your ED in the butt!!!  If you want some variety I always suggest adding things with more fat in because those tend to be higher calorie and fat helps your body repair and if you eat enough of it you can actually prevent the storage of body fat.  I'm always happy to help!  How was your trip?  Keep me posted!! :D

10 months on and i am in exactly the same posistion as you now!! you go babe, we've both beat this jackass. <3 mind if i add to your list?? xxx

partyring: WOO HOO!!!!  Congratulations hun!!!!  WE ARE AMAZING!!!!  Of course you can add to my list!!  The whole point of this is to remind everyone how AWESOME being recovered really is!!!   Fantastic job again!!! :D  

Thank you for posting this- in honesty, I posted this to aid me narrowing down the amount I ate to lose 10 pounds (I'm 5' 3" and 100 LBS). This reminded me that if I use this app, it should be to MAINTAIN the weight I have now- not lose what little I have.

Thank you so much. <3

starvedforemore: I'm SOOO happy this helped you!!!!  You are definitely at a low weight and should NOT be losing!  I'm happy this forum helped you realize that!!! Best of wishes to you!!!

172 Replies (last)