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need new clothes and I'm crying

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So, my husband told me I need to go buy new clothes tomorrow.  It's not because I've lost weight, but because my current clothes have gotten so dingy, sloppy, and old.  Usually, whenever I bought clothes that fit, I would buy them at a thrift shop so I wouldn't spend a lot of money on fat clothes.  If I buy cute, new clothes I always get them too small.  I tell myself that I am on the way to fitting into them, but I've never made it.  I have some cute clothes, but none fit.  It is really embarrassing when I have some place nice to go and nothing fits me.  I'm so ashamed to pull on my stretchy pants, big pullover, and flat shoes.  Talk about frumpy!

I used to be thinner and dress nicer, but my husband never noticed so I gave up trying.  Now I think I sabotage every diet attempt because I don't want to be hurt if I lose weight and my husband doesn't notice.  But, I also don't want any other man to notice me.

I have to find some clothes tomorrow.  I just spent 10 minutes crying alone in the bathroom.  I'm scared of new clothes.  I think they won't be comfortable.  I don't want to admit that this is my real weight.  I want it to be temporary.

I have been trying to lose weight for 11 years (including being on this site since January), but I have continued to fail.  Please help me.

9 Replies (last)

Your husband must notice or he wouldn't tell you to go get new clothes.  But do it for yourself.  When you love yourself where you're at it is easier to move on to where you already know you need to be.  Good self care is important no matter what your weight.  Shopping when I don't like my weight is hard but worth the effort, having a few outfits that look good help me stay on track.  It boosts my self confidence, I bet it will help yours too.  Hang in there!

I know how you feel! For a while I was wearing the same clothes over and over again..which was insane considering i LOVE fashion. Over the summer I decided I was gonna stop doing what you mentioned doing urself - buying clothes that don't fit hoping that one day i'd lose enough weight to fit into it. TRUST ME- its a waste of ur time and effort. By the time you do lose weight u'll have forgotten all about those clothes. Anyway..I started only buying clothes that looked good on me at that moment and made me feel 100% comfortable while sitting, standing, crossing my legs, etc. Even if I absolutely LOVED a dress that was a TINY bit too tight around my arms I refused to buy it. I was a lot happier this summer with a cute wardrobe even though it killed me to finally accept the fact that I had become a size large or a size 12/14. I guess i dreaded buying those clothes bc it was an affirmation that I was that size and it was not going to be changing any time soon.

Now that I'm doing the whole calorie count thing I've noticed I've been losing lbs pretty quickly and I'm still wearing the new clothes I bought over the summer.. it just looks a whole lot better and less snug on me! You should really really consider going shopping and buying clothes that make YOU feel amazing for yourself not that much your hubby. I'm not sure how old you are but theres a lot of really cute and modern clothes that you can find at A lot of women think they cant shop there because of the whole "21" part but trust me.. u can find really amazing deals (not cheap looking either)! My mom actually owns a few blouses or dressy shirts from there actually! The website also just put out a plus size line called "faith21" you should try and take a look at the website..i'm sure u'll find something! I always shop online there- its cheap and I rarely have to go to the store to return anything. Anyway, sorry for rambling on.. best of luck!


You have to start loving the body you've got rather than pining for the body you used to have.  Come to terms with your real weight and then move forward from there.   If you're well-groomed and you're wearing flattering clothes that fit nicely you can look 10lbs lighter in a heartbeat.  Dress to your actual shape and you'll feel much better about yourself than if you go around in tatty old baggy things...

Once you feel better about yourself you'd also find it easier to look after yourself.   We do things for people we like.... including ourselves.

Finally, talk to your husband about how you feel.   Say you feel overlooked and taken for granted.   Or even consider seeing your doctor. If you're depressed for any reason that can make life very difficult.   And it can be treated medically.

I think it's great that you're husband told you to go get some nice clothes that fit.  You're walking around in grubby clothes that you don't care about.  It's hard to feel good about yourself if you don't feel good about your appearance.  If you go get new items that fit and flatter, you have more confidence, you have a better attitude, and that even helps with weight loss.  If you make an effort on your appearance, I think you'll feel better about yourself. 

If you're attitude about your appearance is basically that you've given up, it's really hard to be positive and focused on weight loss.  A confident size 20 in a flattering outfit is going to look a lot better than a sloppy, defeated size 10. 

OP: "trying to lose weight ... since January"

The other posters have addressed your emotional state very well, so I'll ask you what have you been trying on this site? Maybe if you told us what you've been doing we can help you to modify some things so that you can see solid changes and be motivated again?


I know how you feel, and I'm sorry you're so upset!


First thing you should do is go buy a NEW OUTFIT. Look all day, and don't stop until you find something that makes you look amazing. Then, go get a GOOD haircut. A really good one, that changes the way it currently looks and suits your face shape. Ask a stylist what they think, and let them do their job. Its amazing what a little change like that can do to boost your self esteem, and get you on the right track. I know, personally, that getting down on yourself is the worst thing to do. Its upsetting, but deal with your size, and find something that fits you well, and makes you feel good. Even if you aren't happy with your weight right now, you can be happy with yourself. And that, in turn, will help with everything else.


Chin up, and lots of luck.

I learned this the hard way... because I always wanted to be able to wear clothes for other people, to put things on for them and have them appreciate it.

Sweetheart, no matter how great your husband may be (and husbands just don't always notice things - its like, the mystery of how babies' cries GENUINELY don't wake them up and poop doesn't smell to them, how they don't notice nor think pee and pubes on toilets are disgusting), get new clothes for you.

You need to love you, and believe in your beauty from YOU. Be beautiful, be healthy, for YOU, not for anyone else, and all of the confidence that you exude from that will bring about more attention than you can ever know.

I wish I could hug you.

i was a size 20, I've lost 16lbs so far, 6 since i joined this site. i know sometimes its really hard to find clothes that fit, but you cant buy clothes thinking that some day you will fit into them. you have to buy clothes that fit you. i shop at deb, Kohl's, jc penny, target(love target), and for a swimsuit i promise you will not be disappointed, all of those places have really nice, cute stuff for the plus size girl. and if you look on their clearance racks, some really good deals.  at target i get stuff for about 7$ all the time, Kohl's i get work blazers at their end of season sales for about 12$ which i think is amazing since they are normally 60-90!  so you can shop and buy stuff for you at decent prices.

ill tell you what. you have to find a pair of pants that don't show your muffin top, I'm 27 and i have to get high-waisted stuff otherwise my belly hangs over, but if i get a top that fits well not too tight and not baggy, then you cant tell they are high waist. cause believe me i was like i don't want to wear these grandma jeans, but they do control your tummy. I'm 27 again most people my age are wearing low waist stuff, low rise jeans etc...

and ill tell you another thing, don't be afraid of being noticed by other men, just cause they look at you doesn't mean you have to look back, or do anything about it. but ill tell you what. it does make you feel really good when you get noticed, it makes you smile and brings up self confidence. and im sure your husband will notice if you have that confident look and pretty smile on your face and look all dolled up.  also, maybe try showing a lil bit of the girls off, not too low cut, juts the top of your cleavage, that also will make you look and feel sexier and just try not having your husband notice that!

one more thing. your not going to loose weight until you want to, and i mean really want to. i have tried diets all the time. but i don't think i was ready. this time I'm not sabotaging my self. i gave my self 1800 calories to stick to and its hard, at first i was starving all the time but i got used to it. but if your really wanting to do it, you will question whats more important, McDonald's or being my perfect size and healthy again?

if you need tips on things to buy that taste good and are low cals, feel free to ask me, i already wrote enough on this thing, but good luck!

This story is so heart-wrenching.  Have you yo-yo'd or does it just not work out?  Believe me - i know all about it not working out.  I always think I'm on the verge of a real breakthrough, but then...

However, I agree with pretty much everyone who's been saying LOVE YOURSELF.  You need to be doing this for YOU and no one else.

Reasons to do it:

1. no more crying!

2. nice clothes!

3. no embarrassment!

4. look in the mirror and say WOW!

5. feel better all day every day!


7. Prove yourself!

9 Replies