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Health & Support
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i'm fat so will i ever be loved???

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hi i'm amy i'm 14 years old and 186lb i have no friends and everyone says i'm and ugly and i will never be loved and i have no suport to help me so mabey u can be my support and answer this. will someone like me for me or will they all judge me by my look???
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Amy, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this!  When I was your age (I'm 24 now) I went through very similar things.  I was the butt of a lot of jokes, and a lot of the "pretty" girls didn't like me or would make fun of me because I'm overweight, too. 

But, ten years later, I'm successful, happy, and healthy.  I have some amazing friends, have dated some wonderful guys, and all without shedding a single pound.  Heck, I actually gained weight! (losing now, but totally unrelated =)   )

You absolutely will find people that like you for who you are.  Absolutely, and without a doubt. 

Though, people can be cruel, as you know.  Some will judge you just by how you look--however, that doesn't mean they're right. 

You know what, though?  We all have great things we can offer.  Some of us are great listeners, some of us are creative, some of us are funny, some of us are whizzes with math, or science, or anything else; some of us are musicians, or actors, or chefs!  And that's just a teeny, tiny list of all the things we might be.

I am certain that you have some great qualities.  If a person doesn't want to get to know you because of how you look, that is THEIR loss.  Don't make it yours, and don't want to change yourself for any one else.
Overweight people find love every day.   The important thing is that you love yourself first.   

Here's a true story for you.  I bought a book online.  The man who wrote it sent me an e-mail asking how I wanted it inscribed and I sent him an e-mail back telling him how nice I thought that was.  We become fast friends.   Six months later, while talking on the phone with him, I confessed that I had a crush on him.   He lived in Virginia and I lived in California.  At the time I weighed 270 pounds.  I told him about my weight, thinking that it shouldn't matter.   Well he said something to me that I really needed to hear.   He said exactly the right thing at a time in my life when I needed to hear it most, and he was the right person to tell me.

He told me that it did matter to him, not because of how I looked, but because he lived a very active lifestyle, and when he wanted to be able to share the activities he loved with the person he loved.  I told him I had tried everything to lose weight and I just couldn't do it.   He said "have you tried exercising?"   I hadn't.  I had never exercised in my life.  

I was determined.   I started walking the very next day.  I also changed the way I ate.  I didn't count calories, I just started eating differently.   Turkey burgers, grilled fish, veggies, fruit, etc.  No fast food, no fried food.    The weight started to come off immediately.   I would keep increasing my exercise as much as I could tolerate.   My friend served as my long distance coach, cheerleader and supporter.   I would report to him daily on my progress.

Seven months later he came to visit me in California.  I was just over 200 pounds at the time.   We fell completely in love.    Three months later he bought a condo in Boulder, Colorado and paid for my daughters and I to move to Boulder to be with him.   I felt like Cinderella.  When I got to Boulder I was in my 180's.   I eventually got to 170 and was having the time of my life.  

We got married a year later (I weighed 163 on my wedding date).    I stayed in the 170's for three years.   My husband and I have been incredibly happy.  

Last year I got sick, had some extremely emotional and stressful times, and went back to some old eating habits.  I regained 36 pounds, but my husband has been by my side the entire time.  He has been incredibly supportive and understanding, and now that I am trying to lose weight again, he is back onboard as my coach, cheerleader and best supporter. 

Bottom line, you need to love yourself and take care of yourself for you, love will come when the right person comes along.   No matter how right the person may seem though, if you don't love yourself first, no relationship with anyone else will be as rewarding.
We are creatures of sight,sound,smell, touch, and hearing, and people generally based their perception of you from a first glance.Just because you are "fat" doesn't mean you are worthless or not fit to enjoy life in your own way. You are young , I know it's hard being a teen overweight in this day and age, and I admit I was one of the mean ones that did the teasing, and wish to God I could take it back. Now ofcourse older wiser, and "heavier" =) I see both sides of the coin. Try to be yourself,  and get into clubs at your school that interest you. I know it's easy for me to say that, but I know WAY too many people that were chubby in their teens and as they got older "blossomed" Me, I am the opposite lolz.

PS Hold ya head up, you'd be surprised you may have already taken a liking to you. The very ones I teased were the ones I was too shy to admit I had a crush on... =\
ugggh highschool wasn't fun "best years of your life"? pfft.

I'm sorry ppl are being so cruel to you. Trust me though, you don't want ppl to love you only for the way you look. Ppl will love you for your personality and they will be your true friends. But ppl will be able to love you alot easier if you love yourself.

Get fit for yourself, and not for anybody else. Its so much easier to love yourself when you are happy with your body.
I can see you're having a hard time right now.  Not everyone will judge you by the way you look, but it sure can seem that way when people say cruel things.  They don't bother to look deep enough to see the inner beauty that you possess. 

You can feel better by becoming a healthy, fit person, no matter what your weight.  Now's your chance to turn things around for yourself!  I'm going to give you a couple of links that you can share with your parents to help you come up with a healthy weight loss program that will still address your nutritional needs. 

Health & Nutrition for Teens

The World's Healthiest Foods

Feel Full on Fewer Calories

Boost Metabolism

Be strong Amy!  This stage of your life isn't going to last forever.
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Hi Amy

 Sit back and enjoy the ride! Love and dating can be the most stressful part of life. The fact remains that it can also be a pearl of great value. The advice to "take care of Amy" is so true. When we begin to accept ourselves let alone "love" ourselves, we become attractive to others. I HATED myself for so many years then due to my own abuse's in life (alcohol, food, drugs) I hit a "bottom" and was willing to do whatever it took to get well. During this journey, I began to accept myself and even love myself (most times lol) I dated the "one" girl in my life for 12 years and it was in a word-messy! I remember one day having our usual "post-drunk" talk and I actually told her "well I have to drink so much so I don't become 300 pounds!" She said she would prefer that to the person I had become. The point is I was so focused on my problems and issues that I did not deal with problem number 1

 For me that problem was alcoholism and food issues. I would sober up in 1987 but the food issue is still alive and kicking. Thank God that there is a forum to discuss these problems. There was a time when there were no modems lol

 Amy, you are going to be alright please trust me (us) who are a little long in the tooth. You will find love. Most likely it will be when you stop looking for it. Dating is still a "trip" and we are still full of doubts from time to time. Trust in God and await your prince. Maybe it is time to just wait and work on Amy.

I hope I am not too "preachy" I did not have children which is my sole regret in life and this forum affords a rare ability to offer hope and expirence to others.

 Good luck

Just so you know, Yes. You will be and are loved.

And high school.. well I was a skinny girl and picked on constantly... I could not get a date... I tried to pay someone to go to prom with me and even then he wouldn't go. But the good news is it gets better after highschool. :) You will find yourself and others that appreciate you.
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i found it interesting that the ideal size for beauty changes on where you go.  sure if your in high school right now in north american, UK (yes???) you probably feel terrible about yourself... it was the same with me, but try travelling to another country, with a friend.  you'll find that in a different location, around different people you'll be beautiful.  It's ALL RELATIVE.  Nobody says that they get to decide what is beautiful. 

This is not to say that you should care much about finding people who think you are beautiful (lol).  It's just a confidence lifter to go to cuba and to find people looking at you in a completely different way... but (and i even though it may seem like it, im not lying) most of beauty, is an attitude.  Sure, SOME of it is a lucky break, but you know those glam queens, who smell gorgeous, and have charming, adorable, feminine personalities?? --those are the girls that guys love and adore.  Just develope a little confidence, and beauty follows.

im so sorry! people should hate you b/c of ur weight. i was slighly overweight as a pree-teen not by much but just like a few and ppl used to make fun of me b/c i let them by getting so upset! i couldnt edeal with it anymore and i got my self into anerexia and im still struggling! im underweight but i still feel im overweight!! its not fun and its sooo hard.....eventually you will grow out of ur weight and get taller and we healthy! if you have any probloms or questions please just message me! am also the same age as you too!
soor i put people should hate you for your weight    ....what i rly mean was "people should NOT hate you for your weight"
If I could give you one piece of advice it would be to not worry about the weight and just enjoy your childhood.  Right now I'm 18 years old, 231 lbs and have let my weight control EVERYTHING I do.  During middle school and high school I never talked to people because I was too afraid of them thinking I was fat, I didnt go to parties, talk on the phone, go to my prom, grad nite, or do any other social activities all because I thought I was too fat to be treated like a person.  Because of this negative mentality I have spent many years of overwhelming loneliness, crying myself to sleep, loathing myself, dying for some kind of affection.  To this day, I have never kissed a boy, never flirted with a boy, never dated a boy, and never had a boyfriend and it not because of my weight...its because of my own negative attitude.  Please dont go down the path that I did.  Its not worth it.  As long as you have a nice personality (most people do)  then you are worth receiving every bit of love, attention, affection, and praise that the skinny girls do.  I repeat:  DO NOT GO DOWN THE SAME PATH THAT I DID.  DO NOT LET YOUR WEIGHT CONTROL YOU.  YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT.   It was once said that the difference between a wise man and a fool is that a fool learns from his own mistakes while the wise man learns from others'.  Please learn from my mistakes.  Love yourself and embrace the world.
High school kids are mean and it sucks. But hang in there for college; it's so different. Such a big place and so many people of all shapes and attitudes. I work at a college and one of my favorite past students was a chubby, round, sweet girl. She was wonderful; so much fun. She met a truly great guy here. They're now married and have twins (oh my!).

I think high school is weird and awkward a little for everyone; a lot for some. Hang in there kiddo.
I was definitly the outcast at 14. I ate in the bathroom to avoid getting teased. I'm now 23 (as of yesterday!) and have found the people that judge you on weight are not the people you would ever want to be friends with. Even when I was thin I was teased. People who are jerks are insecure about themselves and have nothing better to do then to make fun of other people. The heck with them, you have plenty of friends here!
ek5684's comment made me remember something that I try to remember about mean people... The hurtful things they say tell us so much more about them and their own fears and have very little to do with us.

That's hard to remember when you're under fire and it doesn't really stop the meanness. But it gives you a better perspective over what they're really doing.
I've always been overweight.  I've never been particularly attractive.  I weighed 175 when I was 16.  My mom used to tell me that no one would ever love me if I was fat.  Well, she was wrong.  I've been with my fella for 15 years, I weighed around 190 when he met me, and weighed 225 recently, but he loved me all the same.  Now I'm down to 183, and he still loves me!  And he's a pretty cute fella.

By all means get healthy and lose some weight because it's good for you.  But the size of our bodies has very little to do with our capacity to love or be loved.  If that were true, all the thin people would be happy, and all the overweight people would be alone, and that's just not true.
Like dziewcyna I was the skinny one at high school, and I was also picked on, partly because I was so tall and thin, partly because I was very shy so a good target. Needless to say I did not have a boyfriend.

Moral of the story- it doesn't matter how much you weigh, high school can be tough. Kids can be mean. I remember things improving a whole lot when I was about 16 and people started to mature and I gained in self-confidence. The last two years of high school were a lot more fun- not all smooth sailing, but a lot better than when I was 13- 14.
people of any and all sizes worry about this: you are not alone! I don't know if that makes you feel any better or not ... but just be patient! I didn't have a valentine until I got married! :)
Hi Amy,

I know I'm 34 so probably seem like an "old fogey," but I wanted to let you know that just from reading your interests on your profile and the above posting, I can tell that you have some amazing qualities!  You love animals, you volunteer, you like to read and create poetry (I'm an English teacher, so right there you've got me loving you!! :D), and you value spending quality time with people.  What's not to love??   

If the kids in your school don't think highly of you--and trust me, I work with lots of teenagers!--maybe it is because they aren't as mature as you are.  It probably doesn't seem like much of a consolation to know that all us old folks think you sound great, but just know that you are wonderful the way you are, and sooner or later those kids will (we hope!!) grow up and realize you're something special.  They're the ones who need to change.  Honestly, sometimes teenagers are really mean because they're insecure, and that stinks.  I'm sorry they're treating you unfairly, but it will get better!  Hang in there!

As for being unhappy with your weight and being judged for it, this site is really supportive for those who are dealing with things like that and just starting new eating or exercise plans.  Hopefully, you'll stick around and keep posting to let us know how you're doing!


PS--what are some of your favorite books?? :D
1st...Yes, it is possible for people to like you for who you are.  One of my best friends is not attractive AT ALL but has such a wonderful personality that everyone adores her. 

Most people are going through a very awkward stage at that age.  At 14, I was downright hideous.  Have you thought of playing a sport?  I know not everyone is athletic but it completely changed my life at your age.  I was overweight, dressed horribly and was definitely going through an awkward stage.  At 14, I decided to join a local volleyball club.  By the time my sophomore year came around I was good enough to make to Varsity team. I lost 30lbs, made new friends and gained A LOT of confidence.  Get involved in something; make efforts to do something special for yourself to feel good.  Give yourself a pedicure, try something different with your hair, or have your parents buy you something cute.  Little things like that usually help.  You aren't completely helpless in this can make changes, too.
hi I am 15 and when i was 13,14 people literally called me "fat pigs" in class. yes i felt terrible too, but don't worry, because everybody is supposingly gaining once they hit 15 (due to hormones or something). so at our age nobody really cares about body fat anymore, at least no more teasing. however one of my friend from my old school (where i was teased) still say i am over weight, i get upset by her sometimes but i try to be far away from her as possible.

so lets stick together and don't give up :)
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