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Health & Support
Moderators: tigermoth5, autopilotfrank193, nycgirl, bierorama, ksylvan, peaches0405

I'm going to start off by saying any advice on what to do would be helpful.

I'm very selfconcious about exercise and dieting and am always hiding it from my husband.  The reason I hide it is because he has said and is known to add some very hurtful, unsupportive comments.  Not to be too TMI, but he once told me he I was to heavy to have sex with, but at the time, I was smaller than I was when we were trying to get pregant.  Or he'll say, you sure have enough on your plate.... I'm scared that his comments will defeat me before I even start and will unmotivate me to do what I know I CAN.

BUT,  here's the deal,  I know if he just saw what I can do, he'd be impressed.  But how do I keep him from saying his negative comments?

For example, if he saw me lifting what I currently do, instead of saying wow, that's really good, he'd say you know you're gonna hurt yourself.  If he saw me jogging instead of just walking, he'd probably say something like your boobs are too big to run....

So if you were in my shoes, what would you do?  Keep hiding it or give him a chance to change?

3 Replies (last)

I think the option you didn't mention was not hiding it and accepting that he is probably not going to change. That is probably the reality.

I think (and I know everyone else here thinks) it's awesome you're on this journey.  What you can do next time he makes one of his comments is let him know how it makes you feel. Let him know it affects your confidence, and that you think if he were more supportive you would feel good.  That's really all you can do.  Maybe the message will eventually get through, maybe it won't. 

Ultimately, what is most important is doing what is healthy and right for you, and accepting him as he is (which it sound like you have, because I would have kneed him in the balls by now).

Best of luck to you.


if he is being that mean to you maybe you should evaluate your relationship?  i wouldnt be able to be with someone who said hurtful things to put me down... thats not right! try to talk to him and tell him you are losing weight and doing it the right way! That you dont need his smartass comments! And let it motivate you to get fit and lose weight.  You shouldnt have to hide doing something good for yourself!

Thank you both for your replys.  He feels like "well I'm just being honest", but he has no idea what it's like to be over weight or to struggle with self esteem issues.  I think I believe that finch is right and that he will not change, and I'm proud of myself that I can pretty much ignore his comments, but it doesn't make them hurt any less.  

I'm done hiding, he's going to have to accept the fact that I'm doing this for ME and nobody but ME.

3 Replies