Hmmm. I'm 17 and have had sex.
I think 17 is the right age if you are responsible with it.
16 maybe...15 or below in my opinion is too young. But I do remember I started masturbating at age 13.
It's honestly the best to save that stuff for someone you do love, though. Not for the fun of it with many other guys - unless you want to have a bad reputation. And the person I did it with, is someone I love. I don't regret losing my virginity to him one bit.
Original Post by kittycats502:
I'm glad to still be a virgin(but I'm only 14, so I better be lol), as it's something that a lot of girls don't seem to care about and they just think it's all a game. But being a virgin for me makes me feel like I've preserved my innocence and almost makes me feel smarter and better than a lot of other girls...well, perhaps that's a little arrogant to say, but it's the honest truth. The fact that I take the idea of sex seriously makes me feel like I'm a step ahead of many people already. I'm saving it until marriage, as I want my husband to feel special, knowing he's the only one for me. Sounds old-fashioned, I know, but the old ways are better a lot of times :)
Aww, you're only 14 and I don't want to pick on you, but...that's not a very nice thing to say. How can you be so pure and virtuous if you're willing to bask in your own arrogance?
Isn't the point of purity and virtuosity is that its reflected in your heart? Holding on to arrogance and moral superiority doesn't sound very pure of heart now does it?
To be honest, a girl who sleeps with her boyfriend out of love and affection strikes me as more pure and virtuous than a girl who will haughtily hold on to her virginity so she can lord it over her peers, and then barter it for a ring.
To defend her, I must say that there is nothing wrong in believing the choices u make are sometimes better than those of your peers ... She recognized it to be a bit arrogant, but i still think that this is better than giving into pressures of peers or a boyfriend when u know you are not ready. And if a girl wants to wait to have sex with her boyfriend until they are more seriously committed, she is no less pure or virtuous for waiting for holding onto what is hers.. If he really loves her and she loves him, the relationship will likley last and lead to marriage and she will gladly give him that "gift" that she saved just for him. the most sure way to know true love is with time and committment and these will always be recognized through marriage (despite the chance of divorce). And if you've read through this thread, it's clear that many teens would've rather waited for a more meaningful, serious and lasting relationship .. That is probably why we have a thing called marriage in our culture
Nonetheless,I understand times and people are much different now and we dont live in a perfect world... So .. I personally believe it depends on the person and whatever they feel is right for them. No right or wrong - just two equally valid opinions
delete if possible, thaaaaanks:3
I agree that it's your own choice when you lose your virginity, but I don't think it's necessary to be putting down the Bible. Sorry, I'm just a strong Christian, and since so many ppl say that Christians shouldn't put down ppl that wanna lose it before marriage, I think the same should go the other way, and that ppl shouldn't put down the Bible for what it says. It's not a bunch of "crazy shiz" to a lotta ppl. I'm sorry again, I hope this doesn't come off as extremely defensive, but I'm just pointing this out as friendly as possible.
It's funny how many people say that "there's more to a relationship than sex," and are able to write sex off as this magical thing that will just work out. Yes, it is absolutely true that there is more to a relationship than sex. BUT, sex is EXTREMELY important in a marriage, and if you think otherwise, you are deluding yourself, and punishing your potential future partner. If you are sexually incompatible with your spouse, sometimes there is no "work through it because you love each other." I'm talking different sex drives, different or unrealistic fetishes one may be unwilling to fulfill (and unwilling to let them go elsewhere to fulfill them), or just general differing preferences during sex (is he comfortable with using toys if you'd like to? Is he/are you willing to give oral when the other one wants it, or would you/he rather avoid it? And, the ever-important: lights on or off?). And there's virtually no way to feel these things out unless you have a sexual relationship. I'm not saying you can't talk about all of these things with your partner, or you're not going to get lucky, and the guy you end up with will be completely vanilla in bed (or into the same stuff you are, BDSM, crossdressing, anal, what-have-you), but honestly, you should test-ride the goods before you commit to a life with said goods.
I told myself I would wait until marriage if it happened that way, but I wasn't really jonsin' for sex either, so when I had sex with my ex-boyfriend of a year my senior year of high school at 17, it wasn't really that big of a deal (because, news flash, it isn't [I mean, it is, but not how people make it out to be). I loved him, he loved me, we were in a committed relationship (for high school) and it wasn't great the first time (it didn't hurt at all, but this depends on the girl), but it got better. The only thing that sucked about my timing is I had absolutely no one to talk to about it. Which was fine, I got through it. And now, at 23, I am the person that my now-sexually active friends come to for advice pertaining to sex. Not saying it's a good or bad thing, but it's funny how things happen.
So the sex with my ex was alright, but after awhile, he became disappointed that I wasn't having orgasms (apparently the girls he had been with before me had no problem, or they were faking [more likely, as they were younger then (by the way, NEVER fake an orgasm, it hurts you more than helps you)]). I tried asking if we could bring a sex toy into the bedroom, he flat-out refused. He also had a habit of guilting me into sex, even when I wasn't remotely in the mood. These are two things about him that I would have never known if I had married him without having had sex with him, imagine that... which, looking back, were partial deal-breakers, let's be honest! He was more concerned about being insecure about his own sexual prowess (which he definitely had an inflated ego in the bedroom, which was annoying in itself) than my pleasure, AND he basically mentally forced me into sex even if I didn't want it? How terrible would it have been to marry into that? (and we were talking about marriage, we stayed together into college, 3-year-long relationship). We eventually broke it off, growing apart (among other things) when he dropped out of college. I do not regret this relationship at all, because it taught me what I wanted and needed from a man, and I will never take my now-boyfriend for granted.
My now-boyfriend wasn't a virgin when I met him, but he practically was. We met in college, after I had a short break from the train wreck that was my first relationship. We were both each other's "seconds," and neither of us had any problem with that; we waited about 3 months, and it was my decision to instigate. And we are very sexually compatible, and I never turn him down for sex (which taught me that I either wasn't as in to my ex as I thought I was... or he's just better at convincing me than my ex, hah). He's completely okay with toys in the bedroom, even bought me my first one. If I feel like bringing in my kinks, he's completely open to mine, and me to his. And our pillow-talk is hilarious. Would I know these things if we had waited?
We also get along on a non-bedroom level... been together for almost 3 years now, we've never fought, have the same sense of humor... we're just good together. If I don't marry this man, I will be very surprised.
Anyways, enough anecdotal blabbing...
TL;DR: Sex is an extremely personal thing, therefore, whether you wait until marriage or not is and should be *completely* up to you, whether it be for personal, religious, or ANY reason. If you decide to have sex before marriage, have it for the right reasons; investing love and trust in someone you truly care about, and that they, to the best of your knowledge, feel the same way about you. Do not just "get it over with." And, of course, use protection and take birth control! Remember, if you're having sex, you NEED be mature enough to deal with the possible consequences (pregnancy and STDs!).
I know I really gave too much personal information, but people should really hear both sides of this. It's too easy to say "wait until marriage," and assume that is automatically the best decision for everyone.
haha! yep, totally lost mine jr. prom. as long as you keep it safe i say go for it. i mean sex is perfectly natural, we are supposed to be having it.
I became sexual (further than kissing) at 17. I had my first sex at 20, just 2 months shy of my 21st birthday.
I firmly absolutely 100% believe waiting is an excellent option. It isn't just about emotion or hormones. Being a teenager is hard; you've got a lot of new stressors and to top it all off, you're dating! Learning how to work and maintain romantic relationships are complicated enough, but think very hard and carefully about having sex too young (ie. 13-17, well even older).
For instance, I was very depressed for much of high school due to family trauma. I never had sex because frankly, I was just trying to live. Strangely enough, not having sex was rather helpful in hindsight. If I would have had to deal with the sexual side of my relationship with my then boyfriend (on again off again) it would have really been damaging for myself and future relationships.
If you think you are mature enough, emotionally stable enough, and in a relationship, (and hopefully sober), have sex. Use a condom and another form of contraception. Do not let yourself or your partner talk you out of this idea.
I recommend any woman looking to have sex to pick up an up to date manual on entering this new aspect of life. Learn about pregnancy risks, STI/STD risks, preventative measures, and questions about the actual sex itself (homo or heterosexual experiences, both are normal).
Keep a dialogue open between someone you can trust about sex. Your mother, aunt, father, even someone at Planned Parenthood. Always know someone will have your back should something go wrong.
Original Post by k_ballerina:
16 for me. Id been with my boyfriend for 7 months so I waited til I was sure I loved him. And yeh it hurt like a ****!!! But it's not like that for everyone. But still I was happy that I was with someone I was comfortable with rather then a strange who would have made the pain worse. This is going to sound gross but there was A LOT of blood :/ did anyone else bleed a lot?
The hymen can either be very porous or not very porous (and in between) depending on genetics. Some women may bleed even after the first time, maybe a couple of times afterwards. Some have heavy bleeding, some have a small amount. To ease pain, do not use alcohol. Relax with massages, talking, lubricant, and some favorite relaxing music. This will make the experience less painful.
I never bled at all. However, it's always good to have some water based lube on hand. Do not use oils (baby oil/mineral oil), cooking oils, petroleum jelly, etc. for lubricant. Go to a sex shop or order something off the internet (or as your partner to do it) so that way there is a good amount of moisture. People don't just use it for their first time; most use it off and on for years.
Oh, and keep a dialogue open with your partner. If you would like to stop, you have that right. If you need him/her to go slower or faster, use lubricant, whatever, ask your partner to do that. Should he/she not want you to feel comfortable and please you, I suggest reevaluating the relationship and/or your sexual side of it.
I lost my virginity when I was 18 years old. My boyfriend, Derek (who is 2 years older than me), and I had been friends for 2 years, and then had dated for a few months.
I'm 18 years old and over 300 pounds. But he's an FA (Fat Admirer), and is a fan of my size. He truly helped me to accept myself and love myself. He's perfect for me, and honestly, I want to marry him when the time is right.
i lost mine when i was 16. it wasn't special for me. it was with a guy i had barely known. i can't even remember how to properly say his name. and he wasn't a gentleman.
i wish i could go back in time and take it all back. i thought was going through a stage of "independence"...but in reality, i just had no self pride. i would wear slutty clothes and id love the attention.
and wearing slutty clothes is something that is of personal choice. im not hating on revealing clothes. i just don't think it's for me.
i finally realized that i was beautiful. i didn't NEED so much makeup and i didn't need to get attention by showing off so much of my body. i could wear whatever, and as long as i FELT beautiful, that's all that matters. i started to read more often, and i became healthier. i finally started getting better grades and my friendships became stronger.
just because i've had sex before, it doesn't mean that i've made love before. having sex before marriage is NOT WRONG. it is a personal choice. i would NEVER judge someone for the way they treat their own body, because it is their OWN CHOICE. but i know what i want for ME, and i know that i'm waiting until marriage. :) i'm happy now.
some of these are absolutely disgraceful.. your parents must be REALLY proud.