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...we talked.  It turns out that he has been feeling upset about my appearance in general for while.  But, he can tell that I have been depressed since losing the baby and I am just not being myself and I am not coming back from this and he doesn't know what to do.  He does like a trophy wife, but, like he said, I have always enjoyed being a real life Barbie, and I have.  He has just seen me in a downroad spiral and didn't know what else to do.  We are going to get counseling together, our Priest has recommended someone for us.  I guess that cptbunny was right, I have just let myself go, and he is more worried about me than anything.  I asked him why he didn't just talk to me and he said that he has tried but I wouldn't listen, and honestly, yes, he did.  So, it's time to put on my big girl pants and get moving.  Need to get my nails done, get my hair done, get in the shower!  Yes, I have let myself go.  I know I am leaving a lot out here, but I think you get the gist of this.  I am just wore out and tired.

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Hope everything starts to look up for you LooLoo...

Best of luck.

Good luck, Looloo.

Definitely work with the may also want/need private counseling on your own. Losing a baby is not a trivial experience for anyone at any stage.

i guess the stress from everything has really gotten you down. perhaps there is a bit of depression? 

if it's any consolation, i too always have wanted to look good for my boyfriend. fresh make-up, fingernails painted a rosy semi transparent colour, and maintain a fit and strong body. well, i guess it's for both of us. 

anyways, i think taking some showers, and keeping yourself healthy mentally and physically will ultimately make things better. good luck; i hope you both get better.

Oh Looloo :( I hope the counseling helps. Depression is serious and he needs to know that he took an oath to you in SICKNESS and in health, and right now you are sick.

He knows. I think that we will be ok. There is so much more to this, I just don't have it in me to type it out. I'm home now.

Yeah, I am going to see a therapist I can see weekly.

We haven't been very good about getting to church either.

Good luck to you both.

Good luck looloo. If not for spiritual reasons, Churches always seem to make great support groups.

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This is corny LooLoo but remember love opens all doors. :). Positive thoughts your way.
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Original Post by spleef40:

This is corny LooLoo but remember love opens all doors. :). Positive thoughts your way.

Truth and same.


I really hope the counseling helps. I second whoever said that you would probably benefit from individual counseling as well. 

I'm glad you talked. 

I'll just give one tidbit of advice for you in regards to counseling - it doesn't work if you don't tell the truth. It seems like you've been hiding the truth, even from yourself, about your health for a while. 

Best of luck to you and your husband. 

I am glad that you are getting into couples counceling and are talking openly with each other.

We can specifically relate to your situation - we lost our dear son George Paul shortly after birth. Women and men grief differently, mainly in a different time frame. Men worry about the well being of their wives first and usually their grieving process starts much later - some 1, 2 even 3 years later. Generally women are amazing - they do go through all the stages of the grieving process reasonably quickly (it must be their survival instinct) but a lighter or deeper depression can set in. That's where help is needed!!! We got in touch with "The Compassionate Friends" - a support group for parents who lost a child. I am sure there are other support groups out there - T C F helped my wife a lot.

Unfortunately men usually don't talk about their feelings - they bottle everything up with the possibility of long term depression (was there, still fighting it). That's one of the reasons why up to 75 % of those marriages break up within a couple of years. Fact is that men also need to grief - they need to go through the grieving process. Today's society does not appreciate "weak" men - issues remain unresolved and therefore are not good in any relationship. It is very important to have - and use - the safety net: It can be a support group, church, a counselor who understands child loss etc. Both partners need healing of their bodies and spirits first. It is not a quick fix - there are set backs but there is a road to recovery.

If you have any questions - my wife Bettina will be glad to get in touch with you.        

I wish you the best of luck.  Just don't take 100% of the blame for all your troubles.

Original Post by glamgram:

I wish you the best of luck.  Just don't take 100% of the blame for all your troubles.


It usually takes at least two to tangle.

Original Post by cajunrider:

Original Post by glamgram:

I wish you the best of luck.  Just don't take 100% of the blame for all your troubles.


It usually takes at least two to tangle.

My mind is in Friday mode. I read this as "it takes a two triangle"

Weekend where art thou!

Glad that you and your husband will work together on the road to recovery.  All the best to you.

...just a little on the subject of "having fun being a trophy wife"...does that entail your skills of compassion, endurance, loyalty, generousity, beneificence, humour,love?

Original Post by looloogirl:

He does like a trophy wife

So... What do you think will happen when you get old and lose your looks?

27 Replies (last)
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