Purposefully act like you don't want one. Watch them come at you like fat kids to cake.
Don't try. Desperation is extremely off-putting.
When I was in high school, my interest in a boy was tied to three things: what he drove, what sports he played, and what everyone else thought of him. I think I was a fairly typical high school girl. Unfortunate, but I (and most of my friends) didn't learn better until much later. Not to discourage you, I'm just highlighting the oddities of high school dating. If I had it to do over, I'd take nothing that happened socially in high school seriously.
Oh, and the best way to get a conversation going is to...say something.
Just act like you don't care. Seriously.
The guys I remember being the most popular with the ladies at my school were the ones who just didn't seem to care all that much about finding a girlfriend.
It works the other way around too. I was seriously not interested in dating while in high school and I had more declarations of love from boys than all of my friends combined. But, I didn't date any of them because I seriously wasn't interested. I even had a few boys tell me, "I'm attracted to you because you are so mysterious."
The mentality of most high school kids is that they want what they can't have. If it seems like they can't have you, then they will want you. Weird, I know.
I've got to say that I am so glad that I am no longer a teenager.
Hi. First of all know that the 'friend zone' thing isn't always an excuse to reject you - some girls actually prefer certain guys as a friend. But guys don't seem to think the same way, it's weird. I know it sucks.
anyway, I agree that desperation is really off-putting. Also, girls tastes in guys change throughout and after high school.
When I was in high school I think I was more into guys who seemed somewhat confident in themselves (but not cocky), nice but not overwhelmingly nice (there was one guy that offered to do everything and anything for me, it was a bit weird), and has an interest to share - like a hobby (sports, drawing, graphics, filming, crafts, instrument, whatever). But to be honest, even then if you don't like him, you don't like him, there's no forcing it. I think it's better to get to know someone a bit before asking them out - some people immediately thing NO if they don't know much about them.
if you're too shy to just randomly say hi and start a conversation with someone when you never have before, maybe find a new way to meet people - like join a club. And about the bio girl, how about start with "good morning/afternoon, how are you doing?"
Just a heads up, some girls already make up their minds that they don't want to date in high school. Some think high school boys are too immature. I was one of them.
Unfortunately, kbella is right. Some guys feed off that vibe like flies on poo. I just wanted to be left alone. :/
But just be yourself. Have casual conversations and try to build friendships. If you feel she is interested, great, keep talking to her. If not, accept it, consider her as a friend, and look for someone else. Unfortunately, rejection is something most boys have to learn. But if you take it with grace and laugh it off, you will appear more attractive and make lots of friends. :)
In high school I liked bad boys already graduated with cool wheels equipped with ear splitting sound systems or guys in college who could hold a reasonably intelligent conversation; of course both types needed to posses mad skills in the sack.
I think it would be a better idea to tell us a bit about who you are in school and who you are looking to date. Do you play sports? (which ones) Are you in band? Are you in after school clubs? (again which ones) Are you driven to succeed in class or are you just doing enough to get by? What types of classes are you taking?
The reason I think this is important in order to give advice is because if you are quiet and bookish and you want the prettiest most popular girl to like you then pretending you aren't interested is not going to work.
(Slightly off topic but I now know I'm old because I don't know which social labels are in use in high schools. *sigh*)
I know that if I was on the dating market, I'd be staying clear of any guys who just seemed to want a girlfriend - any girlfriend. A woman needs to feel like she's special. Are you really interested in the girl in bio? Or are you trying to prove something to your friends? Girls often can tell.
I can also say that for most of the folk I've dated, we've been good friends first. The "friend zone" can go both ways.
I come from a school where being in band was a social death sentence. Why do you consider yourself a loser?
To me a loser is someone who really has no plan for themselves. They are content to do the bare minimum in life (for school that's whatever the lowest grade is to pass, they work the minimum amount of hours to survive while living with friends/family but contribute nothing).
If you're not the above person then you are probably just introverted and socially awkward. So are a lot of people. My advice is to a) try some new things (part time job, club or sport) b) check out some of the quiet girls in your class. My guess is that there a few who are a lot more interesting than they seem at first glance. Strike up a conversation with them with the intent of just talking, see where it goes from there.
You have asked out 8 girls this quarter? That screams desperation to any girl you talk to.
I rejected a guy when he asked me to prom only because I knew he had asked my friend first and I didn't want to be anyone's second choice. No one does.
I think you need to work on your confidence and friendships before actively looking for someone to date. The fact that you say you are a loser and that you have no friends shows me that if you were to find a girlfriend, it may not end up well. I suspect that you would still be lonely and still feel bad about yourself. If you are patient and build some good relationships with people, you may find someone you actually want to be with and who wants to be with you. But first, you need to be happy with yourself.
Okay, I'm certainly one to believe that we're all special in that universal sense kinda way new age blah blah everyone's beautiful etc.
Were all eight of these rejections from eight different girls?
Sorry, but I have a niggling feeling that you're coming across as desperate, and that the girls in your form may well view you as the guy who is willing to take anyone. That's not attractive.
What random said.
Work on making friends. The girlfriend part can wait until you have some self confidence and actually see yourself as worth dating.
And if you are in band, make friends with the people... wait for it... wait for it.... in band. If everyone in band is a social leper, well, at least you are all in it together.
If you're in band then you should be friends with your band mates... In track, befriend your track mates. You seem like you are a little closed off so I would work on your self esteem and becoming more open BEFORE trying to get a girlfriend. When I was in high school, I developed crushes on my guy friends. Don't be that guy that will do ANYTHING for a girl.. I seriously had some guy doing my Spanish homework and while it was cool because I hated Spanish homework, it is kinda creepy. Work on your friendships and your self esteem and everything else will fall into place. Remember that this is ONLY high school. No one will remember this 5 years from now. Rest assured that High School IS NOT the best 4 years of your life, whoever said that had a SAD SAD little life.
I've known several guys like you, and while they were actually really nice, and okay, some where just in my opinion down right weird.
Asking eight girls out in what? 3 months is supposed to NOT make you look desperate? I stayed so far away from those guys. It's just awkward, off putting, the girl feels lousy 'cause she is like the seventh "special" girl, and frankly creepy.
Make friends with people of your similar hobby. Open up, relax. Think of the most relaxed, hanging out type of guy like George Clooney. Don't pretend like you want to be notice. Don't be cocky, just confident! Strike up a convo about the football game last night or the crazy awesome movie you just saw.
I hope you take everyone's excellent advice into consideration because it's also helpful for later in life!
Best of luck :)
Original Post by planb2276:
I haven't asked out 8 girls but I've told them I like them and they attempt to let me Dow. Easy but it doesn't work. I already like the shy girls more but they and I are both too quiet so we would never talk. I know I seem desperate but I just really need someone right now... I'm feeling terrible and I need someone to be close with emotionally. And I have no skill in sports
You need a friend. Approach people you think you like with the intent of building a friendship and you will get a lot further with people!
ETA: and telling someone you like them up front, with no real background or previous relationship will never be well received unless they have been crushing on you too. They will question your intent and seriousness and even if they DO like you back, she could be afraid that it's some sort for trick or joke, especially if it's a quiet, shy girl. Don't worry though, loads of people are bad at making friends. Just keep trying...but try different methods than you already have!!
1) Being "with" somebody doesn't guarantee "emotional closeness"... you've gotta work for that. Make friends. Good friends will help you get through things when even a significant other can't (like, for instance, a break-up). People have given you some good advice as far as going about that. I'd definitely look at people involved in/interested in the same things you are.
2) Telling 8 girls in one quarter that you like them is likely to make any of them question how into them you actually are (if they know about the others).
3) Why are you trying so hard to force it? Take it from somebody who's been there, dating somebody isn't some magical thing that's suddenly going to make your whole life ok and make you love and feel better about yourself. It doesn't work that way.
ETA: Wish you the best of luck!
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